My question is - How do you get babies to self settle WITHOUT leaving them to cry? I NEED him to sleep better - for my own physical and mental health and for my relationship with my DH (I am too tired and stressed to give him much time)

Background: My DS is almost 8 months old and slept really well until 5 months.Up until then (at night) he could be fed, cuddled, put into bed, sleepy but awake, and he'd go to sleep - with one or no wake ups - perfect. At 5 months he started waking 1-3 times per night, I'd stumble out, feed him, put him in the cot, back to sleep, 5-15 mins max - no probs - can handle that. THEN he started NOT sleeping by himself - so we'd make sure he was asleep in our arms before putting him in - took a bit longer - but OK - he was becoming more aware and more active - completely understandable. THEN he started waking when put into the cot - and rolling, playing, whinging, talking/babbling etc - so we'd pick him up again and put him back to sleep, sometimes this happen 3,4,5 times and took up to 2 hours - perfect timing - I was going back to work part time NOW its getting worse he is crying in his bed to be picked up...I CAN'T keep rocking him to sleep - I NEED to sleep - my DH commutes and NEEDS sleep and we have a house guest for the year who is in the room next to Blake

So to get to the point I HATE the idea of CIO - I think I cried as much as DS tonight -but what other solutions are there that do not involve me rocking him to sleep for hours? I know lots of you cosleep and we do this sometimes during the day when I am desperate - but he is a windmill in bed - does 360's in his cot all day/night - I'd get less sleep than I am already! Plus there's not much room with DH and I I left him to cry tonight - with the support of my DH and a friend who came over to "distract" me. He screamed - an angry tantrum sounding cry I have never heard before. it took 15 mins of de-escalating screams (with reassurances during this time) and he went off to sleep - I feel like the WORST mother in the world - I keep thinking - what if he dies in his sleep and thinks I have abandoned him!

So what else is there?

Note: Please DO NOT judge me, tell me I am doing him terrible harm etc - I am asking for solutions NOT judgment