No judgement here hun. We have had lots of sleep issues here too.

One thing that helped (didn't solve everything though!) was to delay DS's bedtime on the nights he wasn't interested in going down. So this meant that some nights he was up until 10 or 11pm It was just way easier than spending hours settling him to sleep only to have him wake 40mins later. Often when he was up longer in the evenings, he slept longer stretches overnight too. Now, at 12 months, we're back to a more decent bedtime.

ETA - Sorry had to dash to feed DS. A lot of parents find sleeping on the floor of the nursery on a mattress is helpful. You're right there if it's a seperation thing and can often respond quickly (so re-settle faster). I've even heard of putting the baby on a mattress on the floor being helpful. Some kids just don't like cots.

Have you thought about a sleep school? They're not for everyone and we haven't been but you do sound like you need some support IRL. Friends I know who've been have returned with mixed reviews. If you don't like it or it's not helpful you can always leave early.

I'm not sure if you're b'feeding or not or how you'd feel about this but I have friends who have always given the last feed as a formula bottle in order to get a longer stretch of sleep. It's not something I've personally done but I've been told it can work.

hun. You sound at the end of your rope. I really empathise with needing toothpicks to keep your eyelids open.