Just Let Her Cry..... (CC/CIO)

[Smoke Jaguar]

I loved it. I don't think the article was saying that children left to CIO are 'broken like animals' on purpose by their loving parents. It's saying this is the end result, regardless of intention. It's saying that people resort to this because someone thought it up in a bid to 'liberate' parents from children who don't conform to the 'ideal' bodyclock, temperament etc.
When it comes down to it, it's the end result that the article is about - yeah, you got a 'compliant' child, at what cost? I don't believe the author is saying the parents are unloving. In fact, the point of the story about her husband WAS that he was otherwise loving and attentive, but when her needs conflicted with some idea of when she should just switch off and let him have his 'alone time', that's when the treatment was not dissimilar to old skool methods (sadly, not just old skool, people still use them) of training animals.
The point was that once you can empathise and force yourself to relate to the immature, inarticulate feelings of the pre-verbal child, you might just question what you 'should' be doing (according to the myriad sources of 'advice' out there) and decide to act on compassion and raise a child who can relate to others in a compassionate, empathetic and understanding manner.
The point was that it's not about the 'now', it's what we do TO our children now that will have effects later down the line and we will probably never fully realise the effects...hence all those parent/child relationships in adulthood that are fraught with discord for reasons people who aren't that parent and child can't readily see.
You do what you do based on the best information you have at the time (most parents, anyway!), not what you know to be crap but do it anyway...am I right? So, if you've been beating yourself up about something you did, there is always a way to reconcile with yourself and you need to figure that out, either with third-party help or personal insight.

[boomba]

:yeahthat: Well said hun!

[Oorki Galoorki]

The way i see CIO or CC is that it happens when people have no real support at home, that every thing is left up to mum and when she cannot get anything done due to her lack of sleep all those well meaning "helpers" (who actually arent offering arms or hands hor help) say just CIO its ok.. but it isnt ok what mother who has actually done it has thought it was right while doing it? but because this is the "helpful" advice being given mums give it a try.

Yes i Have tried it. it was awful for all involved yet i still didnt have someone come and help but i had LOTS of 'helpful' advice..

I also wonder if parents are scared now to ask for outside help when they are struggling, for fear of looking like they can not handle having a baby when Most people find the change of a baby hard.

[girlonamission]

The way i see CIO or CC is that it happens when people have no real support at home, that every thing is left up to mum and when she cannot get anything done due to her lack of sleep all those well meaning "helpers" (who actually arent offering arms or hands hor help) say just CIO its ok.. but it isnt ok what mother who has actually done it has thought it was right while doing it? but because this is the "helpful" advice being given mums give it a try.

I also wonder if parents are scared now to ask for outside help when they are struggling, for fear of looking like they can not handle having a baby when Most people find the change of a baby hard.

I think you might be onto something there! It is so true (and only common sense) that sometimes, when a mother (especially one with older children to tend to as well) is so busy, she sometimes can't avoid letting her baby cry, whether it be for a mere minute, or longer.

I know when DS2 came along, DS1 was very demanding (and still is) and sometimes poor little DS2 just had to wait for mummy because she was all tied up with DS1 who was also trying to adjust to having a new bub in the house. Its not that I put him down in the cot and said "stuff him,he can cry!" its just that sometimes i really had no choice because there was only one of me and DH works long hours and I am really the only "hands on" parent in this house (no disrespect to DH, its just he feels less confident with the kids than I do, and he works long hours and doesn't really have a choice).

So I really do agree that sometimes parents who have let their children CIO are not doing so intentionally, its just how it has to be sometimes.....

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Yes, I think BB is making a statement here that CIO is wrong and not to be done, also that parents who don't love their children do this. What could have been a good, informative article was brought down by emotive, judgemental wording and by Kelly re-publishing, BB is "owning" that judgement. Not just this article either, there is a general "CIO is bad" vibe throughout the forum, which I am happy to say I go along with. But this is just a bit too emotive and confrontational. I felt the writer lost a lot of credibility by turning her point into a... can't think of the word now, but letting it get personal and emotional.

I was a mother with no help. No DH most of the time (especially at night!). No family to just cook a meal. Friends telling me to CIO because I had no sleep. I didn't do it: I knew that advice was wrong for us. DS was very good at knowing he should sleep at night and when he woke then he needed something, quite often comfort for pain that never went away. Just because you're tired and someone tells you to do something, you don't have to!

[Dollyroux]

Well said Lady Zadie.

[Oorki Galoorki]

I absolutely agree Ryn, but I think You were lucky to have found BB before you were PG and had Liebling, becuase you already knew of an alternative source for information. Many women do not know where to turn when they have no help and are at the end of thier tether(remembering sleep deprivation isnt known for rational thinking) so if the only peice of advice is to let them cry, Then of generally that will be the thing that is tried because it is made to appear that all mums do it and its OK (we know in our hearts it is not ok).

SO what i am saying is the lack of REAL support is the reason (i believe) that this is being pushed on to so many women and families.