I'm automatically starting this with DS without reading the book, so I'll support it. DS is not unaceptable ever. "Your ride-on doesn't play on the sofa" or "That's a garden toy" is sometimes used. "We'll play lego once we pack away the train set" is another good one - we BOTH tidy up together. I don't tell him what to do... except to get into bed or on my lap if he wants to hear the story! But it's a choice. Always a choice. He knows that when his behaviour is unacceptable I do a countdown from 5 and he's 80% of the time back by my side before I reach 1. Sometimes we HAVE to do things my way - but sometimes we do as he asks.

BTW, I was the teenager who longed to hear "be in by 12, that's my rules" because it meant my parents cared enough to know I was safe. If you have very, very few rules, you need a bit of firmness. Of course, after years of no rules, it did grate when Dad decided that, at 19, I was to be in by 11 because I was in at 3 the previous morning and that was "too late" - but I had no curfew so how was it late?

I also always ask DS what his tantrum is about and ask him why he feels like that. Don't always get a great response but it calms him down.