Save Our Sleep

[Fleur]

Baby Q, that's heartbreaking.
And yes, Dr Margot Sunderland wrote the Science of Parenting and she has a lot to say in there about the effect of CIO on babies - much as you have described.

To be fair though - I think a lot of people who are saying SOS worked for them didn't necessarily leave their babies to CIO? just took some of the other bits & pieces.

But I guess the issue is with the fact that some parents might read SOS & as a result leave their babies to CIO, which in turn creates this detachment - very sad if you are a first time mum trying to do your best.

[skybie]

We used the CIO method with DD1.
i was a young mum, exhausted and had pnd and did what everyone was telling me to do..just let her cry.
i beleive that as a result of using this method DD1 is an unaffectionate child.
Cuddles make her uncomfortable and she'll only stand it for a second, even over night if she wakes up because she's unwell, had a bad dream or for whatever reason, she'd much preffer a glass of milk over a cuddle, i've tried comforting her in bed and she just constantly tells me to go back into my own bed and that she doesnt want cuddles.
Yes its possibly that this is just how she is but i dont beleive it.

With DD2, i've again been told to let her just cry, but i refuse to do it. Granted there have been a few times that ive been so frustrated that ive had to leave her screaming and walk away for 5 minutes to regroup, sometimes she fell asleep, sometimes she didnt.
I wouldnt necessarily call myself a gentle parenter, i do take snippits from gentle parenting and we're definetly more directed that way, but i do what my heart and head tell me to do.

DD2 is 6 months old and sleeps from 8-5 just about everynight, probably 3-4 nights a week she'll want a feed overnight, and thats totally ok.
So the comments about gentle parenters not having a proper nights sleep in years is totally false, and even if some parents are in this situation so be it, they CHOSE to gentle parent and this is a conciquence(sp?) of it. some ppl CHOOSE to use the SOS method and thats fine too.

Jen u said that SOS helped u pick up on DD's tired cues, u know that a sleep clinic run by the MCHN also teaches u these things.

As soon as i see DD2 giving sleep cues i feed her and put her to bed, sometimes she's still awake, sometimes she's asleep. if she's awake probably 6 times out of 10 she'll put herself to sleep, sometimes i have to go back into her room and pick her up and either just cuddle her or offer her boobie again till she calms down or falls asleep and then we try again, occasionally i'll have to do this 3-4 times before she'll actually go down, but thats ok because in the end she's putting herself to sleep even though im a gentle parenter, and i think thats pretty good for only 6 months old.In other words, u can get ur baby to self settle and sleep through the night by gentle parenting!

We all know that babies do very well on routine, gentle parenting, sos or any other similar method, it doesnt matter, routine is the one thing they all have in common.

i'm sorry some of u that use the SOS method have been upset by comments made people who dont use this method, but if u google bellybelly, it says its a gentle parenting forum so a majority of parents in her arent going to like this method and will disagree with it. and if thats not something you're happy about then maybe its time to leave BB and find a parenting forum who is a little bit more accepting of this method

[lilima]

I own this book, and I have used some of the methods with DD (although not all) She started sleping through at about 6 months. She is a now a very good sleeper, self settles happily and wakes up happily.
The book never suggests to leave a distressed baby crying or to leave them alone to CIO.

On the Flip side...............

My sister had severe PND. She was hospitalised for near 2 months. She had this book, and became very distressed when her baby did not "conform" to what she "should" be doing. I am not totally blaming the book, but it was THIS particular book that she was trying to follow. (although there were many other factors contributing to her PND, this book did not help her at all)

The thing is that babies have their own personalities and make their own choices from birth.

[tattoo_mama]

I own this book, and I have used some of the methods with DD (although not all) She started sleping through at about 6 months. She is a now a very good sleeper, self settles happily and wakes up happily.
The book never suggests to leave a distressed baby crying or to leave them alone to CIO.

On the Flip side...............

My sister had severe PND. She was hospitalised for near 2 months. She had this book, and became very distressed when her baby did not "conform" to what she "should" be doing. I am not totally blaming the book, but it was THIS particular book that she was trying to follow. (although there were many other factors contributing to her PND, this book did not help her at all)

The thing is that babies have their own personalities and make their own choices from birth.

i agree, i had severe PNd and was in hospital for about a month, i was distraught cause DD didnt fit the routine, it wasnt until a few weeks ago that babies dont read the books we get (lol) and they make thier own choices. just like us adults, some wake at nite, some want day sleeps, some dont...

also, no she doesnt technically call it CIO but she says to 'put up with it as long as you can stand it', for me that was 30 seconds, some parents could go outside for an hour to 'put up with it'...i find that disturbing... i guess im not a gentle parenter (DD sleeps in her own room, is FF, self settles most of the time and i dont rock/pat) but i could never leave DD to cry for longer than 5 mins to gather my own sanity back

[tattoo_mama]

also this quote from the book disturbs me:

"if you repsonded every time your baby protested, he would soon learn to protest whenever he wanted your attention. ...its not fair on a baby to be taught that someone will repsond to every protest because as your baby grows up, other people wont like this behavior."

um how is that not fair on the baby?? sounds more like, not fair on the people around that a baby knows how to voice when it need something...

[Livinthedream]

I was not going to post any further, as I have already stated,I dont feel the need to justify myself, Ds is a very happy, affectionate, well adjusted engaging little kid.

I am pretty sure there are no vacant stares here.

BUT to anyone who takes exception to SOS or any non gentle method of self settling, YOU DO REALISE THAT MY BABY DOESNT CRY HIMSELF TO SLEEP EVERYTIME I PUT HIM IN BED DONT YOU?
The first sleep, on the first day, it was 20 mins, by day 2 I put him in his cot and didnt hear a peep.
Far out people, does anyone of you seriously want to tell me that your kid has never cried for 20 mins for one reason or another?

I guess I lucky enough that I didnt treat the book like it was some kind of gospel that I had to follow to the letter. I used my judgement and took the bits and pieces that worked for us and went with them.
So when people post about what I think of the book, I can honestly reply "I read it, I used parts of it, and they worked for us"

Skybie, how lovely and gentle of you to suggest that because of my differing opinion I should perhaps find a different forum. Maybe you should consider posting your opinions on gentle parenting in the gentle parenting section of this forum, not the routines and programs section

[skybie]

MLM i never said u should go to different forum because u have a different opinion, i think its great that ppl have different opinions the world would be a boring place if we didnt. i said that if the comments are upsetting u then maybe u should think about it...please dont twist my words and make out that i'm being nasty because im not.

like i said i've used two very different kind of methods, and what i was describing was our ROUTINE which is what this section is for.

i never directed my post to anyone, besides jen but that was a simple, im not sure if u knew direction. i really dont know why u feel the need to single me out