Save Our Sleep

[Livinthedream]

Well said Curly



And that concludes my participation in this discussion.

[Arcadia]

It's sad that we have to even have discussions on routines for babies. If we all lived in a village and saw parenting first hand we could see what works and what doesn't. I think these discussions in an online environment are hard because the variables for each persons situation are exponential. We don't really know each other, so I think perhaps we should try not to assume anything about why someone chooses one method over another.

Women need each other...well I need you all, so please let's keep supporting each other...despite our differences!

[EsJay]

anna, mlm and curly - exactly, women should support each other, and support in a positive way,. its hard enough raising kids without fighting with other mothers.

heaven, as i said in earlier posts, there are ways to positively support mothers by suggesting alternative methods that may make them want to consider them, then there are ways to suggest other methods that make the parent decide not to even think about them due to the way they were suggested. someone beating their child is hardly the same thing, and even then if you want to tell someone what they are doing is wrong, you have to broach the subject tactfully, and on a level that person can understand and feel comfortable with, not making them feel attacked and told what to do.

skybie my CHN is actually a lc, which from what i hear is rare in the public system in a rural area, there are none that i could find within an hour drive as i live in the sticks, because of this she focuses mainly on bf support and runs a weekly bf group. i attempted to discuss sleep issues, settling, cues, how much etc with her and she told me bf group (which is the only time she sees people other than the initial home visit) is not the place and if i need help i have to get a referral to a sleep clinic in sydney, so for me this was an absolute last resort.
i agree that perhaps bb is not the place for everyone, i have thought that for myself for a couple of weeks now, but i have made some terrific friends on here, i get a lot out of bb and i hope that my baby buddies contributions are positive ones to my fellow buddies, so im not sure that i want to give up the people i have met and our thread.
when i googled pregnancy when ttc, bb came up, the info section on google never mentioned gentle parenting once, and i never read any of that stuff till recently, as i stuck to the section that matched my situation, ttc then pregnancy and now baby, i never read ahead, so until recently never knew this about bb.

my baby has never been forced to sleep through, i have never once failed to rise for a night cry, i have never once made her wait for a feed, yet since the very first night on sos she has slept through that was 6 weeks of age. she has not one single night woken and cried, she gains generous amounts of weight, and is rarely awake in the morning when i go in, so and i dont mean to sound rude, it is hard to emote in writing, but does this make my baby abnormal? will she be damaged and detached because she sleeps through?

there are no vacant stares or weird behaviour here either.

someone asked why do people who have read sos go on to read other books, i just wanted to know what all the fuss was about gentle parenting. honestly i had not heard the term till a few weeks ago when i looked around bb.
after doing a bit of looking around i found i had tried/failed some of these tactics, and still use others that work for me.

so if you arent a gentle parent as you use some of the sos tactics for sleep times etc, yet you dont stick to sos, and do use some of the gentle parenting tactics such as feed to sleep, no cc etc, then where does that leave you? where do you fit in? where can you freely post without breaking bb rules, without offending anyone or feeling like you are being told your harming your baby?

[Nelle]

Just thought I'd clarify that absolutely no-one should feel unwelcome on BB just because they do not 100% gentle parent. We definitely advocate parenting styles that fall under the 'gentle' or 'natural' umbrella, but absolutely everyone is welcome, to share how they parent and to learn how others parent.

I know that many people are concerned about new parents who might read a book and apply all of its concepts without regard to their own instincts and common sense (and I am aware that some people do that). I imagine this could be potentially problematic with many books. I'm also aware that many people read all sorts of parenting books and pick and choose what works for them. I haven't read Save Our Sleep so can't personally address the theories, but I wonder if gentle questioning about what people find helpful about the book and how much they subscribe to it, wouldn't be more beneficial than arguing over the book. xo

[Arcadia]

Jen, please don't start doubting yourself!!! I too went through a stage of sleep training my dd and it did work for us for a while, so I know where you're coming from. I remember feeling so out on a limb because I loved all the other attachment parent or gentle parent ideas but I just couldn't handle the lack of sleep. I was headed for pnd.

It's hard when you feel like no one 'gets' your unique circumstance, so that's why I keep posting that we all are just trying our best.

After much reading, thinking, talking and more rest I did a massive 180 and am now a full time co-sleeping all night feeding attachment style parent. But I will never forget the journey to this point. We all struggle on the best we can, but bb is great for opening your eyes to other possibities if you want them. Whatever works! There is no right and wrong way. I would prefer we gave mums more help and support rather than 'fix' the baby, but that's the point I reached for myself.

[Shanti]

i just wanted to know what all the fuss was about gentle parenting. honestly i had not heard the term till a few weeks ago when i looked around bb.
after doing a bit of looking around i found i had tried/failed some of these tactics, and still use others that work for me.

What's all the fuss about Gentle Parenting you ask? I wouldn't call it "fuss" as such... it's actually an effective way of raising babies and is also quite often called "attachment parenting" and also "responsive parenting". It's an instinctual way of raising babies to meet all their needs 24/7. It's about keeping a close bond with your baby through co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby wearing etc those sort of things.... of course, just because a parent doesn't do all those things doesn't mean they aren't 'gentle' parenting or attachment parenting. But sticking along those general lines.....not leaving babies to CIO or CC etc....

Here is an extract from Dr Sears website - interesting to read......
"Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting. Attachment parenting is one of the oldest ways of caring for babies. In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisors came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies. Picture your family on a deserted island and you've just delivered a baby. There are no books, advisors, or in-laws around to shower you with child baby- tending advice. The baby B's of attachment parenting would come naturally to you as they have other cultures who have centuries more child-rearing experience and tradition than all of us have. "

My journey has been similar to Anna's in terms of finding what worked for us at different times with DD but then reaching a point where you go "you know what? THIS, what we are doing is working just fine, why try and fix something that aint broken???" and going with the flow.
I too would like to point out I think we all do a wonderful job as Mum's and parents. It sure is the most challenging (yet rewarding!!!) thing we could ever do and its a huge responsibility raising these little precious people!!! No matter what our choices are as parents, we do need to support each other at the end of the day.

[Arcadia]

Love your work Shanti!

[BabyQ]

I'm not implying anything to anyone in this thread but just thought I'd put a note in since it came up a couple of times since my last post, but my friend didn't notice her ds had a blank stare either.

[onthefly]

Ok, I know it's off-topic, but I just have to add this

Every parent will parent differently because our children and circumstances are different. I think we can all understand and respect this.
Every parent makes choices with their chilldren's best interests at heart. I think we can also all understand and respect this.
There are many variables that can affect a child's development, only some of them relate to parenting (i.e. we can't take the credit or blame for everything). And, it's really impossible to point to one aspect of parenting as the cause for anything in particular.

[Arcadia]

Double post... iPhone is difficult to reply with!!