2 yo daughter constantly masturbating Part II - Epic fail

[delphmoon]

She doesn't actually make skin-to-skin contact becaue there is a nappy and/or clothes innthe way.
In the bath, she doesn't touch herslef at all!

So what does she do that makes you think its masturbation?

[goddessofdawn]

info in other thread

[Lolpigs]

If she isnt touching her skin perhaps it is just itchy? If she isnt touching the the bath that sounds like it may be the answer. I know my DD cant wait to grab and rub once the nappy comes off so much so it looks like she will her herself and she is only 9 months ( so much so I've given her nappy off time every day and it seems to help) so perhaps its just something as simple as its itching her and she needs to scratch and cant get at it? I have very sensitive skin and it seem so does my DD.

I would definatley take her to the dr, and also keep an eye out for any discharge or the white rash associated with thrush. If its on her nappies (if you use cloth) you will need to disinfect them all with canestean as she would be reinfecting herself.

[Keta]

If she doesn't make skin to skin contact, could you try underwear rather than a nappy. It's not really toilet training weather but perhaps the nappy rubs and sets off a sensation which leads to the behaviour. Therefore if there was no nappy the behaviour would not be triggered as often??? I may be completely off the mark.
Perhaps lots of structured activities too, so you can still get things done but redirect her to a more desired behaviour each time she begins masturbating. This way you wouldn't need to even talk about going to her room, she will just slowly realise that the only time she doesn't get disrupted and redirected is if she is in private. It will be a long process and these things tend to get worse before they get better when you start to change a behaviour but with perseverance it usually works. xxx

[beansbeans!]

I was going to say the same thing as Keta and lolpigs. Take the nappy off, perhaps its got something to do with the feeling of the nappy? Also could it be that she is becoming more aware of her toileting? Then she could go all day whilst at home with no nappy, no pants, and perhaps lose interest in the actions?

[Lolpigs]

I just read your other thread you said it is really red where she rubs, is the skin cracked at all or is it got a discharge? If its been going on awhile it will look angrier than just being rubbed IYKWIM

[goddessofdawn]

thanks, great ideas.... I will try the nappy off. Sometimes she has worn knickers but has still done it, but is worth another try.
Had a look in the bath this evening - the slight redness disappeared & no discharge - her vulva just looks a bit squished lol... maybe she has irritated the skin. Will try all ideas this week and if continues, will get GP to see if there is any any irritation.

[Santosha]

Rough and tumble play alone is not an indication of anything other than being 2! Just if there are lots of unusual or extreme sensory-based behaviours there, there can be cause for concern... but if nothing but this is out of the ordinary, I doubt it's your issue. You can always google SPD to see if it rings any bells, but sounds unlikely.

I agree with the others about ruling out doing it because of discomfort.

If she is doing it for pleasure, it's a self-reinforcing behaviour - instant feel-good, therefore do it more. Like Keta suggested, if this is the case, keeping her occupied and feeling good through other activities might help to break the pattern of behaviour.

[goddessofdawn]

Thanks Santosha, that is interesting.
If anything, she fits closest to the "HYPOSENSITIVITY TO MOVEMENT (under-responsive)" - She likes jumping on furniture, climbing things, swinging high, spinning around (but she does get dizzy!), gets into upside-down positions. But as you said, kind of normal for many 2 yr olds.

She also becomes very "intense" sometimes when she is face-to-face with me, or in my arms or with DH - it is hard to describe, but it's like a build-up of energy where she will get kind of tense/stiff and shake a bit, bare her teeth a bit and lash out for a split-second, like rapidly thumping, pulling hair or saying a phrase in an aggressive way - and then stops and goes back to normal, relaxes. The entire process takes about 5 seconds tops.
A handful of people have previously mentioned their child does the same, but no one can tell me what it is or why?!

I do remember though, as a child myself, maybe 7-8 years old, doing similar things where I'd feel a build-up of energy & release it by moving my hands around - can't remember exactly how now - but my parents would call it "playing space ships" ! So maybe she just gets her weirdness from me!

[Butterfly Dawn]

I agree with Keta.
Maybe something to do with nappys themselves.
I also agree with trying more semi structured activities. When Im in the kitchen I will hold dd for a few mins then give her some pots and spoons and ask her if she wants to help cook. Wherever I am Im trying to involve her while being free to do what I can. Then at a certain time we are out the door and outsude-doesnt matter what state the house is in but by 10.30 its normally basically ok. We'll come home between 12- 1for her sleep and that's when I do my "mission" and when the kids are asleep at night too.
I hope you can find Ways to distract dd. It doesn't seem to take too long to change their patterns st such an early are, 3-4 days normally does it.


unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[goddessofdawn]

Hmm now all of her issues are coming to light through this thread... In the kitchen, she always wants to control me, i.e. "Carry me! Cuddle me!" always when I'm making our lunches & doing essential tasks... We bought a Learning Tower which she'll stay in for a few minutes. I try & engage her with whatever I'm doing & it works for a while, but in the end she always wants me to stop & carry her.
I feel like such a failure! Strategies always help others but never me.... I don't think I'm cut out for this job most days!
I remember being told that things would become better at 3 months, lol... Umm try nearly 3 years & still waiting... Things are different, but so are the problems... Things still suck, just in different ways! But I digress...

[Butterfly Dawn]

Your not a failure, sounds like you have a velcro baby some are some aren't. Dd has been a attached in some form since she was conceved lol. The longest we can get her out if my arms Is about 12 mins and when she's asleep. Though she did that in her sling a lot too. Ds1was the same.
Do you have a carrier? or a sling? if she's 2 maybe piggy back style would be best way to start.
would be great if its sorted by something as simple as wearing her ( though its hard work to start)

unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. its not.
Dr Seuss

[Rouge]

Firstly. Calm down. It's no way near as bad as you think. And please don't get upset with her or there will end up being lasting emotional effects. Please see a dr asap. Secondly her other behaviour is NORMAL. She is not trying to control you. She is a child. It's your job to teach her gently, love her and nurture her. I think it would be good to get some time out for you. How is your support network? Are there many people around that you can talk to? It's always good to have other friends around with kids who are aged similarly so you able to offload, get support and give it.

I would also suggest going and getting these books pinky mckay's toddler tactics and parenting by the heart. And try and remember she's learning which takes time. She's not actively trying to sabotage your life.

And take a big deep breath.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,
After 4 children I feel like I have a lot of experience. Some have been worse than others. I think it's just a time you need to be very straightforward. it's normal. We all do it. But it's something you need to do in private 9not because anyone's embarrassed - it's just what you do. Maybe ask her to wash her hands after (I know that she's doing through a nappy. If it was skin to skin I would suggest she washes her hands before and after to stop infection) Check out the itchy theory with her. It doesn't last forever (or maybe it does, but they learn some etiquette)

[nickle730]

Your DD sounds perfectly normal to me! She obviously loves her mum and wants to be close to you - you must be doing a pretty good job My DD always wants to be on my hip and because the kitchen is a confined space, it's very easy for her to tug on my leg and say 'up, mummy, up!!'. I use distraction if I'm not able to hold her at the time; give her a job to do (she rocks at emptying the dishwasher - after I remove all the sharp knives!) or I pull out some plastic ware for her to play with. If I'm cooking I sit her on the bench and get her to help me.

Distraction is a good technique for a lot of behaviour you want to stop. Perhaps when your DD is a rubbing her nappy a simple 'Please don't rub, you'll make your vagina sore. Can you point to the...' Or 'can you please go and get me the...' Anything to move her focus to something else and keep her hands busy. Keep some things in the car to hand her if she is doing it in the car. I do agree with other poster's that it doesn't really sound like masturbating if she is doing it over her nappy, I would imagine she is not getting a great deal of stimulation, although it is possible that it still feels nice. Don't be embarrassed by it, and I wouldn't tell your DD you are embarrassed - it's perfectly normal behaviour, she just hasn't learnt the social boundaries yet!

I wonder if your DD is rubbing herself because it gets a reaction from you? Any attention id good attention in the eyes of a child! Hmmm.... maybe ignore the rubbing and just gently remove her hand and redirect her with a distraction technique?

Good luck, your DD sounds like a lovely, normal little girl. And you sound like a loving, caring and concerned mum - don't be too hard on her or yourself!

[Hansie]

I can't help on the masterbation side. My DS2 is a constant player when no nappy on but I think that's just boys lol. He is though a Velcro baby constantly wants 'tuddles'. Needs to be picked up carried & held. I try not to get frustrated it depends on the situation. I don't always succeed. I just stick to my motto as a parent 'this too shall pass'

Please don't think badly of yourself. We all have our limits & at the moment there is a lot going on & it's taking it's toll. If it was me I'd take her to the GP rule out any medical reason. Then try a different approach for a week see if it works if not try something else for another week or a combination till you find a distraction method that works. As for the Velcro side embrace it they are small for only so long & she needs the extra reassurance I know it's hard I do it daily as well. My 4yo DS wipes my kisses off which I joke with him but it just seems too early. My 2yo is still loving being kissed & of course cuddled. Will he not want kisses at 4 too?

Look after yourself take some time for you. Nurture yourself.

[Rumpleteaser]

Kids touch themselves because it feels nice. DS1 spent about 6 months constantly touching himself when he was in the early stages of toilet training and wasn't wearing a nappy. I wouldn't pay it too much attention. DS1 is now 4 and will still occasionally touch himself, I just tell him now that it is something to be done in private. I never made a big deal over it and now he hardly ever does it. DS2 is about to start going through this stage, I have found him putting his hand down his nappy.

[goddessofdawn]

She is not trying to control you. She is a child. It's your job to teach her gently, love her and nurture her.

It is 3.30am in the morning. I have been awake since 1.20am, going in and out & NURTURING my daughter throughout the night (well, morning, really).
Just thought I'd let you know that I do actually know how to do "my job" - love and nurture my child - I've been doing that for a while now ... Since she was born, actually.

I have not slept in 3 years. She has not slept in 3 years. No one can help us. I have no support network. Zero.
And yet I continue to LOVE and NURTURE her!

She was EXCLUSIVELY breastfed (no formula EVER, not even an expressed feed from a bottle because she wouldn't take one) for 27 MONTHS. Nurturing? Why yes I believe so.
How about this? She would never nap in her cot. Guess where she would nap? Only on me. For how long? For over 2 years, every day, I would sit there while she slept on me. So while other mums had time to themselves while their babies slept, or better yet, the good old "sleep while your baby sleeps", I never had that luxury. But I did it without complaint because I KNOW HOW TO LOVE & NURTURE my child. And it isn't a job.

Just thought I'd let you know. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Do not judge (as your signature says) someone's parenting based on a single thread/post on a forum. You do not know me, but I do And I am pretty ****ing amazing

Good night