This is a tricky one.
Firstly I think 33 weeks is quite a good time to have it.
Your second question is harder! I really don't know how to word it, TBH I had a baby shower for DS and there wasn't mention of his sisters on the invite, I know they are here but I guess what I am trying to say is that you wouldn't acknowledge Ianto on the invite if things had turned out differently. On the other hand i do understand that you want to acknowledge him and the fact that Cookie is not your first baby.
OK so really I haven't helped you at all sorry and I hope to goodness I haven't offended you either.
If I think of something I'll be back.