Teni - I am with Jo and B - it's pretty normal to want to meet Cookie, NOW, especially as the pregnancy discomforts increase and you draw nearer to your EDD. But I understand your feelings, had them myself not that long ago.... I kind of convinced myself that I WOULD enjoy every week of my pregnancy and I got to 40, and then it was time for HB to make her entrance, fashionably early. Keep strong, you can do it.

Laney - thankyou... I love the new photo of Brexton - look at his dark hair! What a cutie! Glad Grayson is going well with his new routine. It must be challenging to get more than one little one out the door. Glad DH got back from the middle east ok.... he's not going back any time soon is he?

We are finally going to inter the ashes for all our bubs on 23rd Feb. Will be a big day. 2 years to the day and time that our lives were so dramatically changed- when we truly knew love and heartache all at once. As you know it feels like only yesterday..... but I am so glad to have emerged from the shadow of the desperate and overwhelming grief. I am a bit worried it will all descend on me again on Wednesday... really it's like having their funerals all over again. But ... it's time.

I just couldn't face the prospect of doing it while I was pregnant with Hannah, as in all honesty I truly didn't believe I would bring her home, and it always seemed that before then I was pregnant or in the pit of despair with grief and didn't have the money either.... it's all a very expensive business really. But, the time is right now.

We've ( well I am making arrangements, DH says he doesn't know what he wants and has always been happy with what I've done before he says), had some balloons printed with an inscription - "beloved babies, Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie - loved eternally - fly free" So we'll be releasing some balloons - all different colours - just like a rainbow. I've also arranged to release some butterflies. I am going to prepare a little booklet, with some special words from DH and I in it, we've done one for each of the funerals, so why not for the interrment? We have some music to play. I have asked a friend to take some photos. It will only be DH, myself and Hannah, but I would like some photos to remember the day. It will be outside, rain, hail or shine. It's pretty hot weather here at the moment.

Jo - I am soooooooooooooooooooo excited for you. I remember asking my obs to take my stitch out at 37 and he resolutely said no 38. Even an extra week can make a difference. Did you have steroids to help bubs lungs develop the surfactant ( in case bubs came early)?

Beata aka Miss B - I am so disorganised when it comes to planning - actually no - the planning is good, I just have trouble with the deciding what I want to do. GL with organising Cam's 1st birthday... I am already thinking vaguely about Hannah's and still have no idea.

Powelly - how are you going? You've gone quiet.....

AFM - well for about 90 mins today I thought I was mad to be wanting to TTC again..... little miss Hannah was just overtired or a bit hot, and she was grizzling and crying. I am ashamed to say I did raise my voice a little after an hour - telling her she was just being silly and it was enough. But then I picked her up and wiped away the tears from her blotchy red face and we had a shower together. Anyway, about 20 mins after the shower, she managed to drop off to sleep after a quick feed ( afterall all that grizzling is tiring. I would prefer her not to have her afternoon nap at 4.30pm but she needed it, and it would be cruel to her and intolerable to me to try to stretch her out to a later time to fit in with our usual routine. Ahh I hear her ... short nap I guess.

I'll be back sometime.