Laney - Thankyou so much for your support by thinking of me and worrying. It seems we all do a LOT of worrying in here. Not long now til your scan. You're right - time has flown, but it doesn't feel that way when you are living each moment though. I hope that you are able to fight off the depression, I guess it is a worrying sign that you are feeling like you want to just withdraw. Is there a chance of you going to a Dr or a counsellor? Just someone else that you can touch base with that might have some different ideas or strategies to help you through. I think it's a really positive sign that you've been down that road before and have decided you don't want to do it again. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I often wonder if I will get depression in this pregnancy. I am at home, mostly on bed rest, mostly alone, cut off from the life I once knew and have suffered multiple losses over a relatively short period of time. I have read that multiple losses are certainly a risk factor for PND, so why not antenatal depression? I know I am less enthusiastic about a lot of things, now even compared to when I first stopped work in Feb - hard to find the motivation to really do anything at times. Guess the idea is to just keep a watch out and ask DH and others to do so too and take some action if I don't feel right. I am not saying I think I have depression at the moment, but am more curious about whether I will given all the risk factors present. One of the things that helps me feel grounded is the cats. Who would think it? They keep me company, they do crazy cat things - just the normal cat things, but it's makes me laugh and smile, they often seek me out when I am feeling particularly glum - either for a pat or to tell me they would like some food please. Hard to feel like I am the centre of the universe with 3 plaintive cats all asking for me to give them food. The looks on their earnst little faces is just gold.
I am glad your DH got to feel Grayson kicking. Not only that he has gotten to parent him too. That is very special. He will get to do the same with this bub too. I am surprised that I have felt the baby's movements so strongly so early. The obstetrician says its a mixture of knowing the sensations I am trying to detect and this not being my first pregnancy to get to a more advanced stage.
Not long til your scan. 7 days - so is it Monday next week? I am excited and nervous for you.
Ellie - OMG - that is soooo exciting, but I can imagine still terrifying. I can't wait to kick fear and anxiety to the kerb but that's a long way off yet. I can't wait to hear your BA and birth story. Believing in you!
Beata- Happy birthday sweetie! You had me ROTFL with your DH's reaction. I understand where you are coming from,( strike while the iron ( body) is hot!). I am already thinking about "an addition", and I am not even holding my earthside baby in my arms.... I haven't told DH that yet though. It's not that I am really thinking about being pregnant again, but more generally in terms of I hope to try again and I hope to be holding an earthside bubba, screaming down the birthing suite!
CharliB - Good to see you in here! 5 weeks is still so early! I hardly ever feel strong symptoms that early on. I bet you thought TCC ot the 2ww did your head in? Ha, now the real fear and anxiety begin. As you probably know, my strategy is to take one day at a time and try to find one thing each day to be thankful for. It's the way that I find works more often than not for me to get through. It's not perfect and it doesn' mean there is no fear or anxiety - for me it just means more often than not, I can manage. That's all I am aiming to do, manage. We all find our own way. I suppose the one difference between TCC and now is you have your BFP, so every day there is one very special miracle to be thankful for, though the fear and anxiety that your little miracle will be taken away can be paralysing at times, the thing to remember is you still have your little miracle. And that is truly a blessing.
Thinking of you at your dating scan.... exciting and nerve wracking. What date is it?
AFM - well the euphoria of last week has worn off and I can feel the fear and anxiety starting to press in. It could be just as simple as this is my first Monday home alone in 3 weeks ( I have been spoilt lately). I am hoping that's the case and I bounce back tomorrow. It's not all doom and gloom, but it feels a bit like it after the high of last week. I had a couple of nasty dreams last night, which didn't help. One woke me up at 1.30am and I was awake for a couple of hours after that, trying to get back to sleep. It was innocous really in a really bad thunder storm in my dream there was an exceptionally loud thunder clap, which woke me up with my heart racing but it obviously got the adrenaline pumping enough to stop me from getting back to sleep quickly. The next dream was quite unsettling. Giving birth to a very prem baby, who wasn't in NICU and who I kept forgetting to look after properly. DH says there is no way I need to worry about me not looking after the baby properly, but the images and the feelings in the dream were so very real, and still are. It's been a bit hard to shake the images and feelings from the dream. Maybe I should go and get myself a hot drink from the "outside", just to get out of the house and break the connection? I had the second dream just before DH's alarm went off this morning.
I think I will go and treat myself to a hot drink. There is a cafe not too far away that I can drive to and not have to walk very far to the door and not have to face the hordes at the shopping centre. Hmmm my tummy just rumbled too. Wonder what I might have for lunch. These are the big decisions that occupy my days these days. \
Bookmarks