Bonding with baby... Possibly upsetting for some...

[damprye]

How far into your pregnancy did you start bonding with your bub?

I'm nervous atm as I still havn't started bonding. With all of my pregnancies to my first XDP, I had an instant bond. This time, I am trying so hard to feel a connection there but there is nothing. I know I should feel so blessed to be having this baby, especially with how much I know others desere to be pregnant and are not. I have even found myself wishing that it was one of my friends pregnant instead of me. I have fought of the urge to say to her that if I could transplant this foetus out of me and into her I would as I know it would really hurt her to hear me saying that.
I don't want to be tired, I don't want supersized and sore nipples and breasts, I don't want to get fatter, I don't want the constant nausea and almost as constant vomiting, because I don't want to be pregnant. I know that it isn't to late to change this but I cannot bring myself to kill it, not after everything else I have been through and because I do not believe in ending an innocent life, also it is still my child.
I have my NT scan coming up and am so worried that something wont be right with it and that is why I feel like this, the other part of me is hoping that there is something wrong so that I can get rid of it. Being suppressed by everything edlse is another part hoping that everything is fine and that this time things will be better. I have even thought about the birth but I just can't picture it the way I could with the others.
I'm not sure if I should go get professional help. I know that I get antenatal depression but I don't know if that is what this is or if I should just wait and see what happens after the scan.

[Arcadia]

no advice, but I couldn't read and run. I hope you find some support here and in real life to help.

[Phteven]

I didn't really bond much with either of my babies until after they were born but once they were in my arms I started to fall in love with them. It's normal and ok to feel a bit ambivalent about pregnancy but if you're worried that it's a sign that AND is rearing its ugly head it's probably best to have a talk with your Dr just to be on the safe side.

[~clover~]

Honestly... after she was born.
Will come back tomorrow when I can write more.

[LysnDan]

Damprye, honey... you know if there is anything I can do to help I will. Talk to me! xoxox Love you <3

[RhiChiChi]

Hi Damprye,

I agree with the PP, you need to talk to a professional about this b/c I think after reading this & another post of yours, you are doing what any mum in your situation would do - protecting your children. You maybe feeling some distance from your bubba to be born b/c of the difficult situation you are currently in & that is so understandable. I think what you have gone through & going through now is what is playing on your mind. I will be back later to add, I have to go to an appt. x

[[M]umma[M]ia]

[littlelara]

I've said before I think you should talk to someone. Whether it's prenatal depression or something else, the label isn't important. You feel that something isn't right with you, and you would know.
On the plus, maybe you will feel closer to the bub once you have seen it and know all is ok, and once you feel movement. Take care if you

[Junglemum]

I definitely think you should talk to someone too. Not bonding with your baby is one thing, but hoping it has something wrong so you can get rid of it is another. Talking to someone will help you sort out all the emotions in your head. Pregnancy is a shocking time with all the hormones and sickness making things hard. Please go and get some help, it might be signs of antenatal depression, or it might just be that you need to talk to someone and work through some stuff.

On the bonding thing, i was telling friends the other night, i have real issues bonding with my baby until i am holding it. It's just how i am.

[misty]

Don't push yourself. The more you stress and overthink this the worse you will feel and the more counterproductive it will be.

It is perfectly normal, particularly at such an early stage, to not feel 'connected' or bonded with your baby. It is alright. Give yourself time and give yourself space.

Also, try and just look at the positives about your pregnancy. It is very easy to feel all the negatives (especially when there can be so many of them). But take some time out each day to think of just ONE positive thing about your pregnancy for that day. It cna be anything; either present or looking into the future. It could be "wow, I am growing a life" It may be you feel the baby move, it may be that you DIDN"T get morning sickness today, or you had five minutes to just relax and not feel anything negative about being pregnant (that in itself can be a positive). Hell it can be the same positive thing each day if you want. The point is to make a concerted effort to try to look at things differently, even if you don't actually 'feel' it. (the old 'fake it til you make it' crap )

[damprye]

I think that if the cicumstances surrounding this pregnancy were different then I might actually see the positives more.
My now XDP tried to force me into an abortion, I have had friends that have told me that it would probably be for the best if I did as well. I worry about having somewhere decent to sleep without over stepping me welcome too much. I worry about having a stable place to live once bubby comes and being able to afford to live with both of my babies. I do not have support from family in WA and cannot afford to move to Sydney and as far as I know, rent is even higher over there and I am having no luck affording anything here as it is. Now I have lost my job (because I didn't give my boss enough notice when I ended up in the ED -.-) I don't even know how I am going to afford to keep my car or phone. I have all the furniture I need other than matteresses. I only need to get the little things like new cloth nappies etc for the baby but all of that is usless without having a place to put it all. I have been on the priority listing for Homeswest (the housing commision for WA) but it will still be another 18 months before I get even a two bedroom place. I can't got raising a 3ry old and a newborn in a car for a year. I just don't know how I am going to manage...

[Melbournemumma]

Pp have give you great advice, so I'll just add

[ezymay]

Hugs. I'm 30 weeks and still don't feel like I've bonded with this baby. Some great advice here I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

[HotI]

I don't want to be tired, I don't want supersized and sore nipples and breasts, I don't want to get fatter, I don't want the constant nausea and almost as constant vomiting, because I don't want to be pregnant.

Not wanting to be pregnant is different to not wanting the baby. Pregnancy can really suck for some people. Can you seperate out how you feel about being pregnant, and how you feel about having a baby in a few months?

The time leading up to the first ultrasound can be scary for many women cos you want to be excited but you are also scared in case it's not good news. When you have previously lost babies this can be heightened, and it's harder to relax into it. Do you think this could contribute to how you are feeling? KInd of protecting yourself.

be gentle with yourself.

[diannescruffy]

.

Regards,
Dianne