Thankyou so much for allowing me to vent here and your replies, it's really helping especially when I'm in this place and really can't talk to anybody about it. I'm terrified that if i tell anyone that my kids will find out, and I desperately don't want them to yet, in case as they have been asking me a lot lately about having a baby.

Update:

I went to see the GP....he told me I am miscarrying! He's basing this on that the brown watery stuff turned to browny clots.

WELL, I said to him that i'm not, that I know this isn't happening. He went on a speel about plants having too many seeds, and animals laying extra eggs, that everything including humans is supposed to not have every pregnancy viable. Everytime I said to him, it's not certain yet, he would tell me that it is, to expect that it is. He cut me off so many times when I was talking about options with the tumor thing now, saying 'but you are most likely miscarrying'. Then went on about I'll most likely be still able to have more babies with treatment, blah blah....I'M STILL PREGNANT!

I am going for another scan on Wednesday which is exactly a week since my last. I told him that that was important to me, especially now since he told me I am miscarrying.

I survived in the office until walking out he said 'i'm sorry that last time you were here that I gave you such good news (pregnancy) and now I am giving you such bad news' and I said "It's not bad news yet!" He said part of me moving on is accepting that it is!! Then I started bawling.

I don't see how he can just say that. He was saying that it is almost 100% that that is what's happening. HE's saying he wasn't trying to be cruel, but I'm going to fall hard if I don't accept it.....well, regardless of that or not, if it happens I'm going to fall hard.

It's not red, it's brown/pink clots and clumps of mucus (sorry if TMI).

I'm sorry, he was just doing his job, but this is not going to happen to me. I earned this, I finally am with someone who is wonderful, I can experience a pregnancy without a violent husband, I have never ever enjoyed being pregnant because of the violence it provoked before. Now I have so much work to get my children and me back to normal and so much better, for some reason I was given another chance at fertility and doing this the right and happy way and nothing will take this baby away now.

My apologies for the rant, I just am so upset right now.

This baby is still there, I can feel it