Partner wants me to have a termination!!!

[Purple Penguin]

Bec - Once again, I hope you are able to get the support you need, it's not an easy decision to make, but you'll make the right one for you.

[Arimeh]

oOOOoo boy, didn't this thread go into the dumpster for a while...

Bec, I think ultimately you guys need to be on the same page, or someone is going to feel hurt and regret for the rest of their life. I know there really isn't a compromise as such, but maybe if you put a projected budget on paper for him he will see that finances really aren't that bad with just one more? I have 4, and our income is under $50,000. Its tight, but doable. We still have spending money for us every fortnight, but we don't go on holidays. We can't afford much take out, so I have to cook a lot, we don't really buy new stuff. But, I do go shopping at op shops, I shop for the kids toys in the specials throughout the year, and I do other things to cut costs, use cloth nappies etc (I have 3 in nappies though).

FWIW, my DH was against having #4, but in the end, he didn't want me to be unfulfilled and regret not having another one - and although money makes the world go round - nothing brings more joy into your family than another bundle of love. Money can always be made at a later date, we don't have forever to make our babies

Good luck with your decision - and welcome to BB.

[~Kaz~]

Bec, there is a free telephone counselling number which gives non-directive counselling around pregnancy decisions. If you google pregnancy counselling link you should find the page easily. It's a 1800 number. Perhaps both you and your partner could organise a three-way discussion with a counsellor? (I'm not sure if they do that, just an idea). They also do referrals to relevant services as well.

My other idea is to post like crazy in all the general chatter threads etc and get your count up to 50 so you can join the PSG and speak to others who have been in your situation in more privacy.

Sending you more I notice you've logged off and I hope it's not because of the way this thread has gone.

[Teeki]

Oh Bec, I'm so sorry you're in this situation I think Tashy's first post is excellent, and there is fantastic advice in there.

Is your DP open to talking about it further? Having a proper discussion? As Kaz has said, you still have time. You don't have to make a decision immediately, and you certainly shouldn't be pushed into anything you don't want, or pushed into rushing the decision. Is your DPs only objection the financial side of things? As others have said, you can easily go through your budget and work out exactly how a new baby will affect you. Yes there'll be new expenses, but there's also extra assistance available. If that is his only objection, he may find that it's not as bad as he thinks.

I think it would also be a good idea for each of you to write up a pros & cons list of each option. Even though your DP is going for termination, he could still see that there are cons to that situation - such as your emotional state of mind, and even though you are going for keeping the baby you can maybe see his point too - extra financial pressure. But I think if you could go through this objectively, and work through any potential cons, your DP may see that it really would be a good thing to keep your baby.

Also just want to say, on the financial thing, loads of people struggle. I've had customers (I work in a bank) with no children, both earning good money, and they're 'struggling'. I've also got a family of 7 with one income earner, they'd be 'struggling' to some people, but they wouldn't change a thing. They sacrifice what they need to, and they're the happiest, most wonderful family. Life is what you make of it, and I do believe you could make it work.

Good luck getting through this. We're here to support you however you go, and as others have said, counselling may also help

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

i haven't read everyone's replies but here are my thoughts:

1. You say you want to have another baby 'with him' - if this is going to tear your family apart then you will not be having a baby with him, you be be a single mother - are you willing to do that without regretting this child or your decision later?

2. It is a decision you BOTH need to make, while i agree that it's your body and majority your decision i also feel that if it's not his choice and he's going to treat this child differently it's not going to be a harmonious upbringing IYKWIM.

I would strongly suggest sitting down together and discussing things, i can completely see where he is coming from in the sense of not having the $$ to support his family, i've come to realise that even when my DP doesn't show it he is under a LOT of stress to provide for us and that initiself can cause a lot of issues without adding to it.

I'm not saying your wrong for wanting this baby, i think everyone learns to adapt and cope and love a child and that is what a child needs, but you also need to go into with a clear head knowing what you can and can't do.

I also think if it was such an issue for him then Birth control should have been sorted, if you've been through 1 termination already then that should have been on his mind.

I hope he comes around and you get your much wanted lil bub, but either way there is plenty of support here for you.
Talk it out and go from there.

[Jahzara]

Bec

I just wanted to wish you all the best !

A terribly hard decision to make - I am so sorry you are having to go through this

Take care
xoxo

[Babyluv]

Oh gosh Hun what a terrible position you're in. It has to be your decision, no one can tell you what to do because it's a decision you have to live with, not anyone on bb and not your husband. I think you need to be careful that you don't make a decision because your dh has bullied you into it, this is your baby and not a decision that he gets to make on his own. I have a friend who was bullied by her partner into terminating and she regrets it every day
It's different if it's something you want to do & you believe it's the right choice but if you truly believe that it's the wrong choice don't do it to make someone else happy.
I'm thinking of you & I hope you can make a decision you're at peace with.
I hope your dh will support you in what you decide to do.
Good luck & hugs.

[Bec79]

Hi everyone,

again I thank most of you for your support, just to clarify the first termination I had was because neither of us were working and totally belived that it was for the best and we we were having a few issues, now I believe the universe has turned to me and given me a second chance- mind you it has taken me almost 4 years to concieve again, the first time I believe i was also bullied into the termination by my Partner this time i want to have this baby.

Again you have all had me in tears both for good and bad. I am only seeking support and guidance and i will sit down and do a budget and yes there are things we will have to sacrifice but I guess life wouldn't be life with out sacrifices.

Again thanks so much it is really appreciated.

[Tinsel]

Giving you big hugs Bec79 It can't be easy so all the best with your decision.

[Traveller]

Welcome to BB Bec. I'm so sorry you are in this awful situation of having to make a choice with no easy answers. I hope you are able to find the support you need from our members here

[kelebek]

welcome to BB Bec... get posting in those general areas, get your posts upto 50. I can vouch for the support you get there

also apparently I need to spread some love so shout out to those ladies who were honest about thier situations and good on you. We all have a right to our opinion and what we believe... I think we need to be aware that it isn't always appropriate to post about them in some threads (eg I wouldn't post about breastfeeding in a thread about formula feeding when the OP clearly doesn't need to hear it)

[nothing2lose]

I think we need to be aware that it isn't always appropriate to post about them in some threads (eg I wouldn't post in a thread about formulae feeding the benefits of breastfeeding when the OP clearly doesn't need to hear it)

What? Formula feeding versus breast feeding is controversial??!!!!????? What on earth gave you that idea??

Welcome to BB Bec!!! Great to have you on board! I hope you stay around for lots of support, friendship and maybe one or two passionate discussions!!!

You've been given some really great advice from some amazing women But, above all, do what's right for YOU!

Take care, and good luck with your decision.

[sahbear]

Bec, Just wanted to say good luck in making your decision.

I think you have been given lots of great advice from some of the previous posters, and hopefully you can find some of the support that you need here at BB.

All I can say, is make sure you think everything through, and take the time to do this.

Sah

[*EJ*]

I have not read all the replys...

Just have to say that it's your body and your decision

I hope you guys can come to a decision together xo

[~clover~]

Wow, most of the posts have been removed, but I bet you aren't feeling very supported with your desire to keep your baby right now.

I would try getting your posts up to 50 & join the termination support group.

Only you can make your decision. Of course, your DH's feelings do need to be considered, but honestly, another baby won't break the bank.

It takes alot of years for kids to start costing you alot. Pretty much when they are teenagers & start eating you out of house & home!
By the time your baby is a teen, your older 2 will be close to moving out of home & would have jobs of their own.

I also op shop, for everything. As long as I keep the basic house hold bills down, we do ok. Watch the electricity & water usage.
I cook all our dinners & when money is tight I make the kids snacks for school etc.

Four kids isn't much different to 3

[ebn_d]

Hi bec,

im very new here and done want to speak out of turn but my sister when through something like this very recently.
You sound like u are thinking it all through, doing budgets etc and you know how it will affect you so just believe in yourself, talk things through calmly and the right way will show itself.. its the second guessing yourself that will do your head in i reckon.

Good luck!

[BlackRose]

A tough decision Bec, wishing you clarity and support during this tough time

xx

[My Three Sons]

Bec. What a tough situation to be in. I hope you can find peace in whichever path YOU chose to go down.