traumatised by this pregnancy - beware sob story

[clare076]

Please do not be judgemental when you read this, It is purely my thoughts after a traumatic start to a much wanted pregnancy.


We definately planned this pg, temping etc, we were both so excited to fall on first cycle of TTC. We have a lovely 9 month old at home whom we both adore and were very excited about adding another.

Unfortunately over the course of the last 12 weeks I have become quite negative about the pg.

I have felt like something was wrong from the start, I was sure I was loosing the baby at 10w3d due to a heavy bleed, after spending 5 hours in ER, (GP refused to see me) I was told if you're loosing it we cant do anything anyway. 3 days later the bleeding stopped and I breathed a sigh of relief, although bub was measuring over a week behind in dates

4 days ago I started bleeding again, no one would see me, not the midwife, ER, GP or nurse. I was told this time to ignore it. Well today the bleeding was ongoing, but we had our NT scan and bubs was happily jumping around and no sign of where bleeding was coming from.

Well we get home and on the answering machine is a message from the ob, saying please ring to discuss your results. Turns out we have a 1 in 277 risk of DS, Tri disorders. I thought 1 in 250 was the cut off between high and low, but appears not. Now I have to decide if I want a CVS to check.

I now feel totally detached from this baby, I caught myself today wishing it would just end, so I could stop worrying about it. My DD has had to put up with mummy being miserable for over 3 weeks, she doesn't deserve this.

Sorry but I can't tell my thoughts to anyone else, I know 1 in 277 is still really good odds, but what else can go wrong. I have had enough.

[visitor2]

Clare i am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
Sadly the cut off is 1:300 i was just below that and was classed as high risk my figure from the 12wks scan was 1:294.

I thought the same feelings as you are so please don't be upset by feeling this way. I thought we could get through the pregnancy with not knowing and just wait but after i got passed 15wks i couldn't cope anymore so i ended up with having a amniocentisis done which after a two week wait for the result everything come back clear.

I think if you have the CVS done you can ask for the "FISH" test results that way you will have some idea within 24-48hrs but that is not 100% you have to wait till the results come in. I think that takes two weeks as well.

I really think your odds are really good.
You have to also think what you will do with the results if your baby is born with DS.

If you want to talk please email me michelle@antique-locks.com

[Michelle71]

Clare - I am so sorry you are feeling this way and that this pregnancy has been so difficult for you so far. There are some other lovely ladies who can help with the options of CVS / amnio etc but I just wanted to send you a big

I hope you can find the answers to make this process a positive one for you and your family.

ETA I was thinking about you Michelle Great minds think alike.

[Jac]

Oh Clare, I totally undertand how you are feeling. I'm finding pregnancy to be far more emotionally traumatic than I thought it would be even though I have no reason to worry (no bleeding or anything). I think it's normal for you to feel upset and detached on getting this news. At least if you go through with the CVS you will get a definitive answer, to stop your constant worrying - that's what I would do anyway. I do wish you the best of luck and please let us know how you go .

[AnyDream]

Hi Clare, it sounds as if you're feeling really unsupported and invalidated by your care providers. It might be worth making an appt with your ob (or health provider that you do know to be supportive) to discuss your situation so far, he/she may well be able to provide you with some reassurance, as well as putting the events so far into a medical context for you. Also, they might be able to give you some tips on how to get your concerns heard when you are in a situation that is causing you a high degree of distress. Patient distress, IMO, is a perfectly good reason for a GP or midwife to be making time to see you, I think I would be quite stressed too.

Most of all, I want to say be kind to yourself, do something nice for yourself. Bonding and connecting with bub can take time, and the best way to do this is by looking after yourself, claiming some of the nurturing energy you need for yourself. I found visualising myself myself surrounded by a lovely rose pink bubble of love really helped when I was all strung out.

I hope you're feeling better soon
:-)

[clare076]

Thankyou everyone
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the head of the obstetrics department. He rang today to tell me the results of NT and was really lovely. He has made an appointment for the CVS already just in case I choose to go ahead with it, but wanted a face to face chat with us as well.

I really dont know what to do, it seems silly taking a 1 in 100 risk of miscarriage for a 1 in 277 risk of DS, but I cant spend the next 6 months worrying either. DP really wants me to have the CVS and I have to take his feelings into consideration.

I think if the bleeding stopped I would be a bit more confident. What makes it all worse is the radiographer gave us a beautiful picture of our babies face, and it looks so perfect even in a sketchy 2D format.

So the waiting begins, again.

All in all this last month has been horrendous, besides all this my parents broke up after 35 years of maariage, my DP broke both feet in a work accident, my good friend killed himself, 2 x bleeding and now this. " HAVE I PASSED THE TEST YET?" Dont I deserve something to go my way finally.

Clare

[Michelle71]

What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger (Homer J Simpson). It is my life motto at the moment But seriously, I hope things get better for you soon.

[visitor2]

Clare i will be thinking of you tomorrow

If you have the CVS done please try and rest as much as you can. I stayed in bed for two days after having the amnio done and i did no housework for 4 days

[Mumma2three]

Hi Clare, sorry you are experiencing this. I think under the circumstances what you are feeling is probably 100% normal. I know at the 20 week they found some "concerns" with our baby, and there is no way I could've gone another 20 weeks without knowing. For me I was lucky and could have u/s to monitor bubs, but it was a nighttmare, I was worried and even though reassured, it was a long bittersweet journey.
I hope that everything calms down for you and all is ok. Sometimes I really think they shouldn't tell us the statistics and what our "risk" is. It seems to cause so much unwanted anxiety.
Im sure you'll find alot of support on belly belly and I wish you the best oxoxoxoxo

[DoulaRelle]

Clare - I just wanted to pop in and give you a great big !

You have had so much to deal with over the last couple of months, so be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel all of the emotions you need to feel.

I hope everything goes well for you with your appointment today, please pop back in when you can and let us know how you are doing.

[Tigergirl1980]

Oh Clare pregnancy isn't easy when things go right either so I can only imagine what you have been and are going through. All of the other girls have offered great advice and wonderful words. I'm sending you lots of luck and I hope everything goes well today. Please stay in touch and let us know how things go

[clare076]

1st Update

Just come back from ob visit, we have discussed our options and we have decided to go ahead with the CVS on Wed morning. Our calculated risk for DS is 1 in 278, with nuchal fold of only 1.6 so not really concerned about that. However, our risk for trisomy 13 and 18 has come back at 1 in 98.

I have decided because the risk of tri is greater than the risk of miscarriage (yes I know it is only slightly) I need to know. I already know I couldn't have a baby that I know "will" die somewhere within the first year, I really can't stand that heartbreak.

The ob believes my spotting may be mother nature trying to take it's course and doesn't want to intervene until after the results. He really believes there is a good possibility it is related to the health of the baby. Unbelieveably I am ok with this, I would prefer it that way.

I will update you all, as soon as I know what is going on, I have been told I will probably get a preliminary result with 24-48 hours, especially if it is not good news.

Thankyou for your support, I am sure I will be calling on you all again soon. I am not a religious person but please pray for my baby.

[JoMarie]

Clare

I am so sorry you are experiencing such a stressful pregnancy. It seems you have a lot of other things to deal with at the moment too. Take care of yourself, and I am praying for your baby.

Good luck

Jo xx

[heather]

Clare,
My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope that the results are hopeful but either way we are here for you. You sound such a strong amazing woman.
Take care
x

[Melbo]

Clare, your thoughts and feelings are so understandable as what you have been told is very daunting. I can imagine why you would feel better about knowing what you are facing than not. It is also so true that pregnant women very often have strong instincts or feelings about the baby, particularly if something seems amiss. I wish you all the best for the CVS on Wednesday and want to tell you that whatever decision you make and whichever course this pregnancy takes, I hope you will always feel that you can find support here.

[clare076]

Thankyou again for all your support, I really didn't know what to expect when I posted for the first time especially on such a taboo topic, but you have all been wonderful.

I have been doing alot of soul searching today, and with a few tears, I really am ok with this. Like I said I really didn't feel right about the pg from the start and this is just confirming my beliefs.

I know my odds are still pretty good, I mean you wouldn't back a horse that was running 98 to 1 would you, (with odds like that you would expect the horse to only have 1 leg! lol)
But with the additional bleeding I am not too confident.

In a way, I sort of feel that if I have the baby with a tri, it lowers the risk for other women in my risk group, you know take one for the team. Sort of doing them a favour. I already have one beautiful cherub, I wouldn't trade her for the world, and hopefully others can experiance that level of love too.

I know Wednesday will be an emotional day, so too will be the day we get the results but until then the only way I can cope with this is to pretend I have lost this baby already. Pessamistic I know, but I have felt happier this afternoon dealing with it this way. Hopefully I can be proved wrong.

OK now I am just ranting, will update soon.
Clare
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[EllyBoo72]

Sometimes I really think they shouldn't tell us the statistics and what our "risk" is. It seems to cause so much unwanted anxiety.

Totally agree here. This happened to a friend, who had very high chances of having a DS baby. She had the amnio, and all was fine.

DH and I decided not to have any tests whatsoever, so I had no idea weather we would have a DS baby or not. We decided we were going to accept and deal with anything that arose as the time came. However, I understand and apreciate this isnt for everyone, our circumstances were totally different. But luckily we had a healthy DS.

As a whole, your decisions should be based on how you feel, and of course how your DP feels, and what you can cope with, your circumstances etc. There's usually an answer to all problems, you just need the right people to talk to who can give you proffesional advice, and support.

It is easy for us to worry needlessly, especially during pregnancy, and your thoughts are quite normal, as some girls have said. I am sure things will be fine...will be thinking of you.

[visitor2]

Clare will be thinking of you on Wednesday

Like i said before if you need to talk please feel free to email.