1 child families

[tattoo_mama]

Hi ladies,
Just wanted some opinions and/or stories on this topic.

I am 22 weeks pg with my 1st child, and a lot of people have something to say about my wish to only have one child.

I do understand that my opinion may change once I have my child, but a lot of people laugh or even call me selfish when I say its my "first and last" baby.

I would like to know what other mums think on this topic, if you have had more than 1 child, what made you have another ( some of my friends said a companion for the 1st, or they were just so cute they wanted another, LOL) or if you have had one child and plan to keep it that way, why you chose this path.
Not trying to start any arguments, just very interested!!

[Lulu]

tell them to bugger off.

I had more 'cos I didn't feel like I'd finished with one. Thats all. No other reason!

[[M]umma[M]ia]

I'm unsure weather ill have anymore. Atm 1 is enough for me but i cant predict what the future will bring. I agree with lulu, just tell them to bugger off, its your life!

[PlonkeeMumma]

I think most people decide on how many to have based on their own childhood experiences. I was an only child and hated it so i was desperate to have more than one. A lady i spoke to at my dh's previous work was the last of 3 and she so hated all the fighting and bullying that happened to her that she was dead set on only having one, so i guess it all depends on your own experiences and how you feel. it's no one elses business really and you certainly shouldn't be judged on which decision you come to.
When i listen to my boys giggling togther and catching them cuddling i know i made the right decision for me as that is exactly what i missed. (they do fight a bit too though so you can't always win!)
emotive subject for most and only you can know whats right for you.

enjoy your bub

Julie x

[Visitor7]

I always knew I wanted 3 or 4 kids. I never wanted 1 or 2.
A friend of mine is an only child, and she believes that's the best way to be, so her ds will be an only child.
Each to their own. You just do what you want to do. You're the parent.

[Shades]

My brother and I are *both* only children ... We're 17 years apart. And I reckon we both love it that way. I'm only planning on having one at this stage, I treasure the bond I have with my mum and I credit it to three factors, being an only child, her being a single mum and her being young when she had me.
I see families with more than one child and it looks to me like they're less close - but that's purely from the outside looking in - I don't mean to imply that is really the case.

[Visitor7]

Definitely not the case Shades. I'm just as close to Emily as I am with Nina. DH and I believe we have plenty of love to give around to our kids.

[Shades]

Definitely not the case Shades. I'm just as close to Emily as I am with Nina. DH and I believe we have plenty of love to give around to our kids.

Then I am thrilled to be proved wrong

[Beckibee]

I come from a family of five children, so I grew up surrounded by siblings. We weren't particularly close although my sister and I now are very good friends whereas we hated each other growing up.

Our DD is our only child and it'll probably stay that way. We talk about having another (see signature), DH admits to worrying that Maddy will be too spoiled if she's an only child. That said, I believe that children are who you allow and encourage them to be. It's as possible to have a very giving, unselfish and loving only child as it is to bring up a family of three children who are all spoiled brats. *L*

Our decision for Maddy to be an only child is also a financial and medical issue too. I was incredibly sick when I was pregnant with Maddy - I could barely function and I didn't have a child to keep an eye on when I was sick. I'm not so sure I could do it again, although seeing my friends with their new babies does occasionally tempt me. There's also the fact that if we ever want to own our own home it'll have to wait until our children are in school and no longer in daycare.

I don't think Maddy misses out on anything. We're surrounded by family and friends including cousins and friend's children. She goes to daycare full-time and is incredibly social. She's doted on and adapts well to change. I don't feel the need to have another child simply to prevent her from being 'lonely'. Occasionally I feel the lure to have another child but I don't have a longing to have another one if that makes sense.

[tattoo_mama]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

My partner and I are both middle children of 3 child families, my older brother is disabled so I spent most of my childhood babysitting, which I hated at the time but of course now am grateful for all the time I got to spend with my siblings, as my partner still has issues with his siblings.

Beckibee, I also don't think I will have any more because of medical and finanical issues. I suffered with terrible morning sickness and bad mood swings, although I understand many women go thru a lot more than this, I don't know how I would cope being pg again with a toddler/small child to chase around!

Also I don't think financially we will be in a position to bring up more than one child with everything we want to provide.

Saying that, I also believe that children are the product of their parents and upbringing, and don't think only children are all 'spoilt'.

[angelaartsstudent]

I am 90% sure I only want one child.

Hubby says MAYBE more but becuase of his age and other factors we might just keep it at 1 because if I have another I would prefer a good age gap...5 years minimum.

We'll see but yes I get comments about only wanting 1 like "oh but you have to have 2 so the first one has something to play with"

Sorry but that's not a good enough reason for me. If I am content with 1, what's wrong with that?

[tattoo_mama]

Thanks for the responses ladies.

My partner and I are both middle children of 3 child families, my older brother is disabled so I spent most of my childhood babysitting, which I hated at the time but of course now am grateful for all the time I got to spend with my siblings, as my partner still has issues with his siblings.

Beckibee, I also don't think I will have any more because of medical and finanical issues. I suffered with terrible morning sickness and bad mood swings, although I understand many women go thru a lot more than this, I don't know how I would cope being pg again with a toddler/small child to chase around!

Also I don't think financially we will be in a position to bring up more than one child with everything we want to provide.

Saying that, I also believe that children are the product of their parents and upbringing, and don't think only children are all 'spoilt'.

[Mumma2three]

I just wanted to say that I only wanted one after I had DD1, Im not entirely sure why though. Anyway, I do believe that our children choose to come here, and thus I am pregnant with number 3!! I would like more but don't think Im willing to go through pregnancy again..
And I can say now from having an only child for 7.5 years, to having two, that the best part for me is seeing the love between them. And even though they may not always be like that, it is extremely fulfilling to see how empathetic and loving they CAN be towards each other (don't get me wrong, there is fighting too...) but it shows a side I hadnt' seen in DD1, the protective loving sister. DD2 is the same with her big sister and it makes me so happy to see them together.
We are financially struggling like nothing else, and physically I hate being pregnant this time, alot worse than the other times. But I wouldn't change it.
xoxoxo

[queenbee]

Hi, my DD is 1 year old. I only ever wanted one. We started to talk about another one about a month ago now. Something changed, DD became a bit easier to look after (she has never been good in the sleep deparment) and we changed our minds.

But now I am having thoughts on close together or far apart and read forums on both sides. Pros and cons of both I guess.

I really don't think there is anything wrong with you if you just want one. I did originally and may still only have one, who knows? I will see how I feel later in the year.

It is ok, I know how you feel. I had many judge my decision to only have one. But I only want another one because of the right reasons. Don't want to be stressed and depressed IYKWIM just for the sake of giving DD a brother or sister. This past year has been so difficult at times with the sleep thing. Not sure if I could go through it again. Maybe.

[Chocaholic]

For some reason I have always wanted two. Not sure why. I have a sister so there are two of us but we are not especially close as we have very few things in common so the desire for the second child can't be for companionship. Having the two boys is a wonderful thing for me, even though DH is starting to try and persuade me that number 3 would be good (and a girl LOL). I agree with Mumma2girls that watching the two together is so heartwarming, though with Adam only 4 months old we haven't got the fights yet.

If you and DH are happy with one, then stand firm with your decision and tell everyone that has any inappropriate comments to mind their own damn business as it doesn't affect them at all. Maybe ask them how they would feel if you asked them personal questions and gave advice when it wasn't wanted or needed. Hopefully that will shut them up.

[queenbee]

CourtRach, completely off topic, you and DH are same age as us!

[widdly]

Try not to listen to people who think they know it all, they are small minded and ignorant.

I have 1 child and am not likely to ever have another. When DS was born i couldn't wait to have anohter one. Then he got sick and had an op and as a result had severe reflux for 18 months, not fun. During DS op at 3 weeks old, DH and I looked at each other and said no more kids ever, its too hard and emotional. I have had many times where I would LOVE another 1 or 2, but in reality I have no interest in getting up during the night, changing millions of nappies and coping with tantys.

We have had endless negative comments, I was even told by a so called friend that i was cruel and how could i do that to my son. WTF! Needless to say I haven't spoken to her since. After a while of hearing these comments you grow a thick skin and learn not to listen.

I love having one. DS is starting childcare next month for 3 days a week while i go to Uni. If I had more than one child I wouldn't be able to afford childcare and would have to stay home longer. For me I need a balance between being a mother and being a person. The thought of staying at home with another bub panics me. I feel like Ive hd that whole baby experience and I dont feel the need to do it again.

There are so many positives to only children, more time for them, no sibling rivalry, own bedroom, i could go on and on.

Maybe down the track you will decide on another bub, but thats your business and no one elses. Try changing the subject as soon as someone gets negative about your choice.

feel free to pm me any time

[blondedoctor]

I am preggers with my first and because of my age - 36 - I say to people that it'll most likely be the last. I've had a few funny looks but I couldnt care less. Thing is I'd like two, but I just cant see it being that easy at my age. I'm also at a delicate point in my career and I'm not sure how long I want to take off. But I am sooo close to my sister and brother and those relationships are the most important ones I have. That tempts me to give a sibling to the bub inside - but then, not all sibs are close and in fact none of my friends are as close with theirs as I am with mine. So, I guess I dont know.

I agree with the girls at the top of this thread - tell everyone to buggar off! None of their buisness!