We are only planning to have one for a variety of reasons, one of them being our ages. I will be 41 when I deliver.
Also, I have had a heartbreaking road getting here with 5 miscarriages over 2 years because of blood clotting issues (found out after my last loss) and am high risk. I don't think I have the strength to go through this again.
But really, DH and I only ever wanted one child, and not just b/c we met later in life in our early 30s.
When we announced our news to my FIL just before Xmas, he told DH that he hoped it was the first of many. My DH was like - are you crazy? Jules is going to be 41 when we have this baby. That's it for us. And FIL was going on and saying our baby needs siblings, yadda yadda.
Well, I HATED my brother growing up and still feel the same way, so I think that argument is not necessarily a good one - at least in my case. Also my FIL cannot stand any of his siblings so I don't know what he is going on about!
TM - I feel very strongly about our decision, but people are people and they like to share their opinions and many seem to think they know better than you what's appropriate in YOUR life. What matters most is what DH and I feel is right for our own family! Same goes for you. I wish people would keep those unsolicited opinions to themselves.
If you are fine with just one, that is your choice. You also have the right to change you mind someday if that's what is right for your family!
I can see why you'd want to have one.... even if I couldn't, who cares? It's your decision. I don't think you're selfish - you're making a choice.
My original choice was to have no children at all. My DH and I were married for years when I suddenly convinced him that we would be missing out on something if we didn't have any children. We weren't even trying, but if we ended up with one - great!! (Clock was ticking, you see).
I love DS more than I could even imagine and my attitude to children has changed dramatically. I am no where near as blaze. We are having a second so that DS has a brother or sister and so that we can have one more child to love as much as we DS - that's it. No more children after this. That is why I changed my mind - it's dramatic. NO CHILDREN to two. I guess I got addicted after the first.
That is my decision and as legitimate as your decision. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it - they'll all be dead and gone and you'll be happy that you stuck to your guns.
Before I had DD I really didn't think about "how many" because I was 38 and thought I'd be lucky to have one!
As soon as I had her, I wanted another one though. I've always been someone who's been scared of death but when I had DD I just felt this great sense of peace - that it didn't really matter if I died now because I'd done my job. Bit hard to explain.
As she got a bit older I guess I want another one for very selfish reasons - not to give her a brother or sister - but to give me another child. I guess I worry that if something ever happened to DD, I wouldn't cope at all.
I don't really have an opinion on age gaps, sibling dynamics etc. etc. I just want another one FOR ME.
If I'd started earlier, I could see me having about four. I just think they're fascinating.
We're still undecided as to whether we'll have another and whilst I was pregnant and the first few months of DS' life it was a definite no... for no particular reason other than we were happy with him and didn't feel the need to have another.
We've gotten the same comments you have and I've learnt to brush them off and not worry about them... so now I say yes, he's our only child and we're happy for it to stay that way for now, but who knows what will happen down the track, this seems squash their comments.
I have many reasons why I'm happy to stick to just the one, and not so many for wanting another. At the moment we have the next 5 years of our life planned pretty well and a new baby doesn't really fit into them, however if it were to happen i certainly wouldn't be upset about it. Some may call me selfish but that doesn't bother me.
Anyway, that's just my ramblings on the subject, I say do what YOU want to do, it's your life and ultimately affects you and not those silly people with those silly comments!
I am just so similar to lestypuss it's slightly scary! We were also in the "no" camp for many years. One day I woke up and said to DH, I think I want kids (my clock came back with a vengeance after being AWOL for many years!).... knock me down with a feather, he turned around and said "yes, me too". So, after one miscarriage, we have our first.
I find it the most bizarre experience that i can still really understand where people are coming from when they don't want one, but for me it just changed and it was totally emotional. At this stage I really want a second, maybe because our first has lulled us into a false sense of security as he's a most gorgeous cruisey little fella. But if having a second isn't meant to be, then so be it.
But what i find amazing is the freedom that people have to comment on YOUR decisions. If you took a job somewhere or bought a house somewhere... they wouldn't judge your decision. But for some reason whether you decide to have 0, 1, 2 or more kids is something that people feel free to make very personal (and often hurtful) comments and judgements about. I think having a child is such a huge thing that it has to be right for you and your partner... no-one else. I think I'd be so tempted to turn around and tell them they should change jobs or move house... if they look surprised, then call them on the fact they're trying to tell you how to live your life!!!!
Well DH and I are planning on having 4kids and many people think I'm crazy for wanting that, on an emotional level I don't get why anyone would only want 1 child or only 2 but thats only because i so want a big family.
I think its like how u know when u want to have kids if you have to give logic reasons you could but YOU JUST KNOW I think it's the same with how many kids you want to have...you just want that because you want that iykwim
Don't worry what others say like you said you may change you mind...I might to but maybe not also. I think anyone who wants anything other than 2 or 3 kids these days is questioned as to why
Wow 3 or 4!! Good on you!! We are financially gonna be struggling with just one, let alone more, especially if next yr we want to try saving for our 1st home! Im just very lucky to have a lot of friends whose kids have just outgrown nursery items and haven't spent a cent (and the rate my mother is buying nappies 'cause they're on sale', I won't need to spend anything for a yr!)
We are also likely to be a one child household! My bubba is due at the same time as yours, have you found your belly thread yet? I'll come back and update this post with the link here.
Aw im expecting a girl too!! But my cousin often reminds me that his folks thought he was a girl but ended up being a boy with a small penis LOL. So lets hope if we have a boy that they don't mind pink clothes! (And nappies and blankets and baby names). Unsure how to find my thread, I only have the net on my mobile phone so its pretty confusing and slow!
Our DD will more than likely be an only child unless a mircle occurs! I had a very hard end of my pregnancy and an awlful labour and delivery. The result is a damaged uterus that may not carry more children. Prior to all that though DH and I did want a "biggish" family. However we can see now that it isn't for us, Asides from the pregnancy issues, my bipolar didn't cope as well as I thought it would with pregnancy and postnatal so we are happy with the gorgeous little one we have!!
I don't feel she will miss out on anything. She has plenty of chances to socialise even now. Although I have a sibling I have never been close to him and even now as adults we are lucky to talk once a month if that.
Anyway my 2 cents. I see no problem in having one child if that is what is right for you and your family.
DS may be an only one. Or may not. We really don't mind either way any more, not right now. When people ask when the next one is coming I ask them why I'd want another: DS is soooo perfect another child is bound to be a disappointment, why do that to a child?
TBH, there are other reasons for not having another one now - the 2-bed home is too small for 2 adults, let alone 2 adults and a toddler so another would be madness. We can't afford for me to be a SAHM and we can't afford 2 in childcare. I'm re-training at Uni for the next 18m. I need more help (ie someone who will visit me, comfortably in a car, rather than expecting me to drag a newborn on a train journey and walk over a mile to visit them... cheers, MiL or just someone who doesn't mind popping to the shops and grabbing me some milk if I'm out and the baby hasn't slept and I'm a walking zombie - again, PiL wouldn't do that).
If we don't have another child soon, DS will grow up an only. We may have another one late, ie when DS is in his late teens. That way we can focus on his interests now (ie no 10-year-old wanting to explore Minoan Crete but we can't because the baby is too young to fly etc) and when he is focussing on things other than passing interests and holidays start again! But for all intents and purposes, DS will be an only because the relationship is different when children aren't children together.
Also, I come from a big family and DH from a small one. I don't mind what size I have, so long as we stay in touch with all my family! I never wanted children very close together (3y or under) because I feel I cannot adequately meet the needs of both those children at the same time. And I hated my sister so much when living with her, 2y2m apart in ages. Wouldn't do that to my children.
Hi there. We have one son and we are happy with just that. Honestly you can't win with some people no matter what option you choose so you have to do what feels right for you. I have great memories of my childhood and I have bad ones too. Some kids really suffer because of their siblings and some are really close. You can't guarantee either way. Only children tend to get more one on one time with their parents which can be really beneficial for their development. But of course that is up to their parents to provide as well as playtime with other kids.
As for being spoilt people are often mistaken as to what spoilt is. Kids don't get spoilt from having their parents attention and love. They get spoilt from not being taught boundaries and compassion. It really has little to do with whether you have siblings or not. In fact I think sometimes it can be easier for only children as they don't always have to compete and feel threatened about things being taken away. I have real eating issues because it was always 'eat now of forever hold your peace' when you have two older brothers. LOL
Anyway not sure if the rant made sense but that is my point of view. Hope it helps
Yeah - noone's business but yours! How you feel is how you feel- and how you feel may also change- and that doesn't give people the right to say 'I told you so'....
DH and I both come from families of 4 siblings- are have close relationships with our brothers and sisters. I have always loved the busy-ness and action around our dinner tables at Christmas, Birthdays etc, and thought I would have at least 3 kids. However, after I went through labour (in the early sleepless days) I could not believe how our parents had done it 4 times!!! I thought they were absolute crazy martyrs!! I couldn't conceive of having more at that stage.
However, then about 4 months on- I developed that 'pregnancy amnesia' that everyone tells you about. When DS1 reached 6 months I was well and truly thinking about when we would start TTC again- lol.
Now I am back to wanting at least 3 again- but you know what? My answer when anyone asks me "how many kids do you want?" or "how many kids will you have?" is always the same...."I don't know". Because really, who really knows? I could be hit by a car next week and become a paralysed from the neck down in which case I'll only have 1. I know that sounds a little morbid but its reality. I am always weary of trying to 'construct' our future too much and getting set on a particular number or thing to make you happy or complete. Truthfully, we would feel complete and happy with 1 child, and we would feel complete and happy with 7. What will happen over the next 10 years is unknown to us but written in the stars!!!
You are free to only desire 1 child- and people have no right to judge you. You are also free to change your mind later on and want 5.
I recommend telling people that you are not a fortune teller and cannot predict the future. Just enjoy your precious bub to be, and all will be revealed to you with time.
I currently have one child. In a way I want another child because my little princess isn't natrually mine and as much as I love her as much or more than I would love a natural child I would still love to have a child of my own (If it ever happens, far from an option at this stage but who knows what the future holds) and my little princess would love a sibling.
Who cares what other peoples opinions are???? It's your life and if you only want one child then go for it give that child the best you can. As I said (and a lot of other people have said) who knows what the future will hold for you and your family. Go with your heart.
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as he's a most gorgeous cruisey little fella. But if having a second isn't meant to be, then so be it. 
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