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Thread: 2nd time not as exciting?

  1. #1
    kjorgo1 Guest

    Default 2nd time not as exciting?

    I know this must sound horrible but for some reason I'm not as excited with this pg as I was with my first.

    Is anyone else finding the same thing? I was very excited when I found out I was pg but now it is not really exciting for me. Perhaps it is because I don't feel pg apart from the really bad m/s and I'm stressed because of the talk of having to go to hospital because of the m/s.

    Maybe it will be better once I've had my first OB's appt and had a scan so I can see something is in there. With #1 I had a scan at 6 weeks and could see the heart beat but this time I'm not having a scan till 12 weeks.



    Oh well not too much longer to wait, I just feel like perhaps the baby knows I'm not very excited ATM and I feel bad for him/her (I think him).

    H&K
    Jorja

  2. #2

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    Hi Jorja,

    I had feelings like that when i was pg with Alex.
    I think it was because we did not have much to buy for him like we did the first time. So that took away a lot if the fun out of it.

  3. #3

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    jorja, I'm excited about my second pregnancy but like you I'm not quite as excited as I was the first time. I think that the first time around everything is new and mysterious so its a bit of an adventure, its also the start of a whole new chapter in your life.
    I agree that once you have a scan and see your little one it might become more exciting.

  4. #4

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    I totally agree Jorja. At the moment anyway. I am wondering if it's because I don't feel pregnant, and maybe after my scan on friday I will be excited when I know the sex. The first time I was so excited. It's not that I am not happy , and at the beginning I too was so excited to be preg, but something is different. I have no desire to buy baby stuff, but this could be because I can't afford it, but I just don't seem to have the same level of excitement in any way.
    This time Im feeling depressed about the weight gain and bad skin, last time my skin was fine and I lost weight. Last time also everything was new and I couldn't wait to buy a pram etc. This time we don't have a room for bub so I have nothing to do up. I really am waiting and hoping it hits me soon!! Im glad someone else is feeling slightly similar. xoxo

  5. #5

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    I think I am the same but for different reasons. Last time it was because it was my first. This time its because I was starting to think it wouldn't happen, and I know how desperately Paris wants a sibling and to know I can finally give her wish to her means the world to me. And I think for us after 4 yrs apart LOL I've forgotten so much its like doing it again for the first time LOL!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  6. #6

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    I think another thing for me is that the first time around i didn't have to worry about anyone else, it was just DP, me and tummy. This time I think about DD all the time, how will she feel, what happens if we're stuck in this unit, will she be able to sleep, will she be jealous etc etc. I think the excitement has been lost in all the worry (most unecessary Im sure). Not to mention, last time I could sleep when I wanted, lounge around, even working full time was great, but that's not possible with another one. Just when I want a rest, DD needs dinner or wants to play etc.

  7. #7
    Custardtart Guest

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    It's quite common to go through phases like this when you are pregnant, all I can suggest is to take it day by day and when the baby finally arrives your maternal instincts will kick in and you will fall in love with the new little life you have created.
    Don't worry, your baby will be totally unaware that you are unenthusiastic at this stage! All that matters at the moment is that you get enough nutrition and sleep, and worry about the baby care AFTER the labour!

    Do make sure that you are taking proper nutritional supplements, particularly iron, as if you aren't it can make moodswings and coping with the pregnancy a LOT harder. Iron deficiency can send you right into a low, much like depression, so if you are finding the pregnancy difficult to cope with mentally it might be a sign that you need to take better care of yourself physically. Otherwise, just write it off as a bad day/week and trust that you'll feel more excited once the delivery date is closer.

    Kerrie

  8. #8

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    Hi - I'm with Cailin on this - both on the gap between between the children and the forgetting of everything from the first time.

    About the sleeping and small space - when my brother and I were young, about 3 & 5 - mum, dad and us slept in one room at my nanas two bedroom house.

    There might be more to worry about, with how your daughter is going to deal with the new baby and changes and things, but there is also the excitement of it, it's not just you and your partner experiencing it, but you try and see it from childs point of view. Since we found out on Friday that we're having a boy, Cait tells anyone she sees that 'mummy has a baby boy in her tummy' and I love that. She's always asking if its (now he) is kicking and if she catches me rubbing my tum, she wants to do it too and 'talk' to the baby.

    Barb.

  9. #9

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    Hon I was exactly the same, shocking m/s and was in hospital 5 times with it!!

    Nothing to worry about except not being well (sick I mean) you'll get there when you start showing, trust me, and when you see bubba fir the first time on u/s, it'll kick in sweetie, 4 u angel.xx

  10. #10

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    Hey Jorja

    I wasn't as excited with my 2nd cause as others have said I had everything already so didn't really need to go out and make alot of purchases. Even since Lachlan was born I haven't taken him to get weighed every week like I did with Kameron etc just little stuff like that.

    Love

  11. #11

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    Awww barb thats beautiful! Paris constantly asks if she can feel the baby yet, and I say no sweetie not for at least another 10 weeks, the poor chook LOL! I think I am lucky too, that in she is very understanding if I feel unwell or need a rest. DH is great helping out too even though its driving me nuts to sit on my hands iykwim. MIL will be here soon and after all my scares she's promising to wrap me in cotton wool LOL! I've also got a great support network of friends, so if I did need a break I could get it. And also having Paris at Kinder 2 days a week helps too.

    I think I am more patient this time around, but definitely as excited! And I am glad to be more patient as it drove me mad last pregnancy LOL!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  12. #12

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    Second time around was exciting to reach milestones for me, like movement and things like that, but the whole pregnancy thing I think I wasn't as excited about. I think many factors come into play for second time mums, for example:

    *Not being the very first time (obviously)
    *Not being well during pregnancy - i.e. morning sickness to pain
    *Gender issues - if you have those issues playing over in your mind
    *Being busier - you have a child to look after already
    *Energy - usually less energy and not able to relax with other children!

    The best part is though, that when you become that second time mum, yes life is so much busier and crazy! BUT! You LOVE being a mum so mum more. All those things you learnt with the first you can now apply to your second, and you become better at settling, feeding, changing than ever before. You've been there before. And you can relax a whole lot more having a sense of knowing what you are doing, and often, having a child who is more settled than the first, because they know you are less stressed too
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  13. #13

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    Having almost 7yrs between, I think I am more excited knowing what to expect next etc! I cannot wait to have a baby in my arms again & not have to hand it back!!!!

    Maddy lays on the couch with her head on my tummy talking, singing & listening to baby, it's so exciting having her understand all that's happening etc..

    Also having DH here to experience it all is also very exciting this time too, I think with DD I was in shock about everything that happened & change in me & my body etc!!!

  14. #14

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    Kiorgo1

    I was a bit like you, after the inital BFP i sort of wasnt all that xcited about #2. BUT - on Tuesday i saw his/her heartbeat and wow, am i excited. I feel really diff about it all - like there is something growing inside of me and im not just making it all up.

    When you see your bubs heartbeat, i bet all with change......

  15. #15
    kjorgo1 Guest

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    Thanks everyone, it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I am also having trouble imagining how I could love another child as much as I love DD. Although I am trying to look at it the way Dr Phil says - you have like a separate account of love for each person and when the new baby comes a new account will be opened and it will not take anything away from DD. I think this is the best way for me to think of it.

    I'm getting more excited as my scan date approaches (2 weeks) and now that my tablets are helping my m/s a bit I can think about it a bit more and when I see a baby on TV I think, "OMG I'm going to have another one of those georgous little things again", so I think it will come with time.

    I just find that #2 is sooooo different to being pg with #1. I know what your're saying that first time round it was just you, DH and the bump and you didn't have to worry about anyone else but now, no matter how crappy you feel if DD is hungry or dirty and there is no-one else, you have to do it even if you feel like you're going to die!!

    Thanks everyone.

    H&K's
    Jorja

  16. #16

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    Jorga,

    Have you read the article I wrote on the main site, Loving Two?
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

  17. #17

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    I am definitely more excited as I've had movement in the last few days. I think Kelly summed it up. I feel exactly the same just that it's not the first time, but I have no doubt Im going to be over the moon and prob love being a mum even more!!
    As for DD, I only worry about sleeping, because when she wakes up at night, she is so miserable the next day. Im being selfish and wondering how I'll cope with that and a newborn!! Of course people do manage and so will I, but it is still a real fear. And of course I want her to sleep well and feel good. She will LOVE being a sister and Im going to have lots of help from her. Im very excited, but can't help not being AS excited as last time. xoxo

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