Sorry this may be long but i need to vent and dont have many other places to do so!
I am due next Monday the 4th and for the past 2 days have had one of df's friends staying with us.. which was fine but i am over picking up after him and his rudness now! He goes home on Wed!
On Wed my df's brother and 20 week pregnant gf are arriving and staying for a week i dont hve the energy to entertain one person let alone 2! Then on Friday my df's Mum and step father are coming and staying untill the 7th! (btw no one asked if this was okay with me its just what i was told!) grrr we only have one spare room and a house big enough for the 3 of us really! Me and his mother do not see eye to eye on anything at all... I have this horrible feeling in my chest which is making it hard to breathe and all i seem to want to do is cry! I cant help it... usually i deal with things fine but this i cant..
What if i go into labour while they are all here, i cant shower whenever i want and be in there all day i have to be fully clothed at all times, i have to entertain them and i dont want their opions etc while im in pain.. i just want a few days to myself before my little girl comes and i dont even get one!
Its stressing me out something severe that my ob has given me tablets to sleep! This isnt fair i tired telling my df my problems but now we havent spoke since saturday! i am sure you all know how boys are with there mummies! I just wish i didnt care but i do.. this is my time and my home to bring my baby back into.. i dont know what to do.. i have been in my room for the past 2 days as much as i can because df's friend is so rude and expects dinner on the table etc...
Gosh i dont know i wanted to be so positive in the days up to her birth but now i cant seem to find a positive in ne thing! i am very much not a people person at the best of times but this is my time!!
You need to lay it out for your DP. if you go into labour his family WILL be asked to leave. his friend may expect dinner on the table but YOU do not have to provide it.
Talk to your DP( dont accuse him of any thing) you need to maintain communication as not talking is not helpful to any one and is not a good technique AT ALL for sorting out problems.
Oh hun I hear you loud and clear, all I can give you is My mil is here at the moment bugging me and my newborn and I wont say anymore or I would be stealing your thread lol..I hope its not too bad for you hun, give your mil jobs to do or ask her to cook meals for after you have the baby if she would be willing it might keep her busy.
xxxx feeling the pain with you
oh sweetie I don't know what the say. I think you need to coccoon yourself away from these negative influences and keep as calm as you can before your baby comes. You want to remember those last few days of being pregnant with your baby in a nice way!
Does your DF have any idea how you feel?
I tried speaking to him on Sat and we havent spoke since! He will always stand up for his mother! So i guess thats why im stressed out! i wish i didnt care but to have all these people in my house i dont feel comfortable with or get along with is such a horrible feeling!
wow i dont blame you for being stressed!! The other girls have had some great advice, I dont really have anything I can say that hasn't been said already but i wish you the best of luck with this and if DP isnt going to budge on current situations with people coming over etc just make the best of it, I know its a horrible situation and one you dont want to be in but you also dont want to be not talking to DP just before your baby is born.
Yell if you have to, scream, run around naked.....be a nasty cow...its your house, you are pg and they need to respect YOU!!!!!!
If they dont like the sight of a heavily pg woman naked and ranting tell them you know were a good hotel is
The way i see it is if you didnt invite them over then you shouldnt have to run around after them, you are about to have a baby dont these people realise that, its stressful enough when its just you and your partner there with you worrying if you are prepared for the arrival of your bub. I think its bad manners for all the people to come stay with you, you really need all the rest you can get until bubs is here. You really need to sit DP and explain it to him and make him listen, as for his friend i would be telling him to make his own dinner or go elsewhere.
ETA- I agree totally with Maz turn into a crazy pregnant lady and if they dont like it they can stay somewhere else!!
MsJames I don't blame you for needing a vent, that sounds like a terrible situation! I can't really think of any new adive to offer you, I think the ladies above have hit the nail on the head. It's your house, you get to call the shots. This is such a special time in your life and you should be able to do it your way and feel as comfortable as possible in your own house. Just because they are staying in your house doesn't mean you have to be their maid, if they don't like not being looked after 24/7 then they can leave....*crosses fingers** ;p
heres hoping you go overdue - hmmm going into labour on the 8th sounds good! Treat their visits like labour. Just breathe through it - it will soon be over
MsJames, if i were you i would be seriously, MAJORLY peeved off!
I loathe unannounced visitors at the best of times. And ILs especially! I would have snapped by now for sure! Unless you say something, everyone will assume that it's all perfectly fine with you.
And if ur DF won't talk with you, just go nuts as Maz suggests!
Why on earth are they coming to stay with you now anyways?! Surely at a time like this, they could go to a hotel?
Boys always stand up for their mums, but NOW is when YOU need him to stand up for YOU! It would be part of my worst nightmare to go into labour with my MIL around it doesn't happen!
Hmmm im not sure what u can do... Can you put your foot down with DF and ask that once his friend leaves, u want NO-ONE in your home? It might not be convenient for them, but is there alternate accommodation? Say your Ob has insisted that you should not be under the stress of entertaining overnight guests in this delicate stage.
I totally sympathise with you hun, make sure u look after urself and ur bubby girl first ok? Do whatever it takes to make urself comfortable, and talk it out with DF
I can't stand my In-laws and about 6 weeks ago I had 3 years worth of anger and one very pregnant/hormonal moment and let them rip with everything I'd thought of them.
If that wasn't enough, I followed up with a 7 page letter nailing the point home.
Suffice to say I haven't heard from them since and am very pleased about it (luckily my DH used the think the sun shone out of his parents behinds and has since seen the light)
Take a deep breath, calmly explain things to your DP and then if it doesn't work, the minute your MIL says something out of line, firmly tell her you won't have their rudeness
You poor thing!! Vent away my dear.
You are doing so well to have put up with it for this long - I couldn't even stand DH in the same room as me when I was as far as you.
Your DF needs to understand that YOU & your baby are his family now. Yes he loves his mum, but you are his top priority. If you want to cry everyday, spend hours in the shower, not get dressed or get off your bum (which was me in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy!!) you should be able to do so.
You should be resting now, not entertaining. I think it is is extremely rude of them to assume it is okay to stay in your home, especially when you are due. If it were me, I'd put my foot down and insist they seek alternative accommodation or not to come at all. And tell DF to pull his head in a grow a backbone.
If you're still not speaking to DF then write him a letter explaining how much all this is upsetting you.
If he doesn't do anything, then tell him that he needs to chuck out his friend and tell his mum not to come and if he won't do it that you will do it as your ob has insisted that you not be put under any extra stress.
It's really not on. You need some time to chillax and you can't do that with other people in the house. I'm exactly the same.
Whoa! Hugs to you. What a difficult and stressful situation to be in.
The others suggesting that you just live as you would anyway is one option to consider.
I think to get an 'expert opinion' from your doctor that you shouldn't have guests is a great idea if your ob will play the game!
Can you offer to put your dh's family up at a hotel, or go halves with them price-wise?
Do you have friends/family around where you can spend all day hanging out there? Just avoid the house as much as possible? Which you totally shouldn't have to do!!
I suspect, if this was me and my dh absolutely would not budge, I would be packing up and moving either to a friend's house or a hotel. And if that happened, there would be no guarantee I'd be calling him when I was in labour - he'd not shown himself to be a support pre-labour so why do I think he'd be helpful in labour? I might get a friend or family member.
I know that sounds hard-line. I guess it is, that would be my last resort, if my dh really wouldn't come to the party and put me first.
I honestly hope your df comes to his senses and realises he has a more important mother to be looking after, and that's the mother of his own child.
Extreme vent needed!!
Reply With Quote
My mil is here at the moment bugging me and my newborn and I wont say anymore or I would be stealing your thread lol..I hope its not too bad for you hun, give your mil jobs to do or ask her to cook meals for after you have the baby if she would be willing it might keep her busy.
it doesn't happen!
Bookmarks