To be completely honest

[AliBaby]

Do you have other friends who have had kids???

DP didnt want to go to classes and neither did I so we chose not to do them.

Instead DP spoke to a few mates who had had children and were there for the birth and told him what to expect how he could be supportive, what not to do, etc.

Do you think your DF could do that?

to you both. You guys are going to be fine. Just concentrate on your precious miracle that you will get to hold and snuggle and kiss and fall in love with like you have never loved before! Its amazing!!

[Nelle]

Are you near any of us BBers? Why don't you meet up with some of us in person (bring your df if you want) and ask some questions - if you're near me, you're most welcome over for dinner - dh caught our second bub at home so he knows a bit now too.

I know with both my labours, I read up on it a bit, got myself a good second birth support partner, wrote birth intentions and then just figured, what happens will happen - I'd practiced a bit of breathing, knew I wanted to use water for pain relief, but I really tried not to think too much about it. It's not the sort of thing you can fully prepare for, the feeling, how efficiently your body goes into its zone, all that stuff is new and instinctive and you just have to breathe and roll with it.

As for the transfusion - let me assure you that I had a transfusion with #2 (once I got to hospital), and it really was fine. There was an issue with the canula in my arm, but I don't think it was a super common one. But the transfusion itself didn't hurt, and I talked with them about the chances of contracting something (that was my personal worry).

[MummyTummy]

That's where we found Calmbirth helped us. Not just from a book - from a real live trainer who had been to many births herself. Alot of what Calmbirth is about is supporting both of you, and to help DP become part of the birth not an awkward bystander. My DH would not read any books so he relied on whatever I told him. The hospital classes weren't much chop because it just tended to focus on what pain relief was available, with a little bit of the process thrown in for good measure. But going to the Calmbirth classes allowed us to understand the process and ask real questions of the trainer, plus we also had a visit from another couple who had their baby a few months earlier so we could ask them any questions we liked. They talked very openly and honestly and didn't have the magic perfect birth, but they had a positive one and I think that is the best you could hope for. My DH really got a grip on it all from that point, and is very eager to tell anyone who will listen about it!! We even have friends doing Calmbirth on his recommendation!!

Friends that we met in our Calmbirth classes went and spoke at another class after they had their little girl - she definitely didn't have the perfect birth ending in emergency c/s but still came out of it with a really positive outlook on it all. Same here..... c/s but the only think I really regret is not getting rid of the crappy midwife I got assigned.... especially annoyed because I knew that I could ask for another but wouldn't let some other poor woman get stuck with her!

But I think doing Calmbirth or Hypnobirthing from a book or CDs, although helpful, doesn't give you the full picture, and kind of leaves your DP out. The more he learns for himself, the more confident he will be in supporting you, and the more confident you will be that he will support you and not leave you to deal with it all on your own.

But don't take my word for it.... do some research and decide if it is something you would both like to do. PM me if you want, I'm more than happy to answer questions on my experiences. And that isn't just the Calmbirth experience either.