To be completely honest

[Lulu]

and if there is some blokey type person around that could chat with DH about what to expect, that could go far too, cos they all talk in the same grunty-type language.

In all seriousness, for all my exp's faults, he is really a great bloke to chat to about labour and what to expect. I have found him lecturing a couple at a bus stop once - and they actually thanked him!

[Nelle]

Are you near any of us BBers? Why don't you meet up with some of us in person (bring your df if you want) and ask some questions - if you're near me, you're most welcome over for dinner - dh caught our second bub at home so he knows a bit now too.

I know with both my labours, I read up on it a bit, got myself a good second birth support partner, wrote birth intentions and then just figured, what happens will happen - I'd practiced a bit of breathing, knew I wanted to use water for pain relief, but I really tried not to think too much about it. It's not the sort of thing you can fully prepare for, the feeling, how efficiently your body goes into its zone, all that stuff is new and instinctive and you just have to breathe and roll with it.

As for the transfusion - let me assure you that I had a transfusion with #2 (once I got to hospital), and it really was fine. There was an issue with the canula in my arm, but I don't think it was a super common one. But the transfusion itself didn't hurt, and I talked with them about the chances of contracting something (that was my personal worry).

[MummyTummy]

That's where we found Calmbirth helped us. Not just from a book - from a real live trainer who had been to many births herself. Alot of what Calmbirth is about is supporting both of you, and to help DP become part of the birth not an awkward bystander. My DH would not read any books so he relied on whatever I told him. The hospital classes weren't much chop because it just tended to focus on what pain relief was available, with a little bit of the process thrown in for good measure. But going to the Calmbirth classes allowed us to understand the process and ask real questions of the trainer, plus we also had a visit from another couple who had their baby a few months earlier so we could ask them any questions we liked. They talked very openly and honestly and didn't have the magic perfect birth, but they had a positive one and I think that is the best you could hope for. My DH really got a grip on it all from that point, and is very eager to tell anyone who will listen about it!! We even have friends doing Calmbirth on his recommendation!!

Friends that we met in our Calmbirth classes went and spoke at another class after they had their little girl - she definitely didn't have the perfect birth ending in emergency c/s but still came out of it with a really positive outlook on it all. Same here..... c/s but the only think I really regret is not getting rid of the crappy midwife I got assigned.... especially annoyed because I knew that I could ask for another but wouldn't let some other poor woman get stuck with her!

But I think doing Calmbirth or Hypnobirthing from a book or CDs, although helpful, doesn't give you the full picture, and kind of leaves your DP out. The more he learns for himself, the more confident he will be in supporting you, and the more confident you will be that he will support you and not leave you to deal with it all on your own.

But don't take my word for it.... do some research and decide if it is something you would both like to do. PM me if you want, I'm more than happy to answer questions on my experiences. And that isn't just the Calmbirth experience either.

[Queen]

Hun,like the others said, talk to people, read books, google, read birth stories, get all the information you can. Speak to your doctor.
I had my Mum and DH in for first birth. For second I had a doula/friend and DH. I really loved having a doula, they know you, and can help you through.
Good luck

[BloominRoses]

Sweet, although to a certain extent you can't control exactly what your body does in labour (although there are heaps of things you can do to help it do what it's going to do naturally), but you can control how you respond to your body.

This is actually what I was intending to convey to you Lauren but thankfully the others managed to phrase it much better than my cold and flu riddled head could.

My other suggestion would be take up all of the offers of help and advice these ladies are offering. I'm seriously quite useless with this stuff but there are so many Mummy Goddesses on here to help you find your own way to having the birthing experience of your dreams.

And a big hello and hug to your DF for reading all of this along with you! That's a huge first step already!!

[dust]

i wouldn't under estimate yourself!!! its logical to be afraid of the unknown, however the female body is incredible! If you keep reading you'l find stories of women who explain their experience as calm, relaxing (orgasmic if u believe it ) you may not know what to do, but your body is designed to do its thing and get bubs out
there's a few home birth and hospital birth vids on youtube, worth watching! There's a few youtube vids of Ina May Goskin (sp?) she suggested kissing in labour to relax and open up down there, ive known that bit of knowledge for my last 2 bubs and do u think i wanted a smooch in labor??!! hell No! LOL! Some things you wont know until the time comes e.g will i snack thru labor?
I am proud to say i have donated my healthy cord blood depleted placenta to a hospital birthing class.. (yay for grossing out soon-to-be-parents!!) The hospital birthing class i went to with #1 just made me confused, they can't all be bad tho!
All the best!!!!!!

[murraysmum]

trust in your midwife a good one will keep you calm and relaxed i swear i would have ended up a ceaser without my darling middies with my first born i was so dammn scared when i rocked up and they kept me so calm the whole time

[Shanti]

Read the same books and also I would print off articles for my DH to read and leave them around the place.... he'd have a read before bed time.

We also watched Birth videos too, on you tube etc..... you see some amazing birth video's... it's great preparation.

[Mummato2]

Two words sweetheart.......Calm Birth

After my first baby I was petrified to do it all over again. So this time around I have decided to take control of the experience and be responsible for the decisions.

In that, I have chosen Calm Birth as my medium and just finished the course.

It cost us $380 but that included the trainer coming to our home for 6 hours on 2 Sundays and taking us through it personally. It also included the course workbook and CD's.

I highly recommend this because just from taking the classes I can honestly say I am looking forward to the experience.

I would suggest not leaving it past the 30 weeks because you'll want time to practice the breathing and relaxations.

[Cassius2]

Hi there!

One of the best things that happened with DH was when he came across Frederick Leboyer's "Birth Without Violence". he saw me reading it and was impressed by all of my 'ah ha!' moments (unfortunately i read it AFTER having had DD ). i think that this book really helps in providing a 'place' for the birth partner in that he offers 'roles' and stuff that they can take on during the labour and post birth. DH really liked that he was shown more active ways of being 'present' at the birth.

For my DH he felt really overewhelmed after seeing me in labour and felt a bit pushed to the side in terms of events etc. he didnt want to interfere with me or the midwives and as such, felt a bit left out and like the spare leg...we have decided to ensure that that wont happen again and will use Leboyers approach as much as possible as well as having the assistance of a doula.

have you looked into doing a hypnobirthing class or calmbirth class? i have heard that this can do wonders for people experiencing anxiety about birth...

[SammyRo]

I'll agree with the reading everything you can! (although be careful of google!!) I'm a bit of a control freak, and the idea of not being in control during labour freaked me out too - by reading up on stuff, i felt that it gave me some feeling of being in control.

As for DH, he wouldn't read anything but I would give him a synposis of everything I read. He also came along to all the appointments so that he could also listen and chat with our mw. We had a very lenghty discussion on what I wanted and so we went into it, with him fully in support of this. But he also knew to let me be flexible if we needed to be.

I also found pregnancy yoga really helpful - at one point during the classes, you would say affirmations to yourself, such as "my body knows what to do to birth this baby", etc. When I worried about labour, I would sit there and relax and say them to myself over and over.

Good luck - remember - you can do it!!

[danniellabella]

Hun, it's totally understandable that you're feeling this way. I was so stressed at the thought of labour and giving birth. In the end though, while it's great to have a plan and you should educate yourself as much as possible, you just have to take each contraction and moment as it comes individually.