DP against Homebirth

[Starzia]

Hi,
I am 9 wks PG with my 1st and after doing lots of research I really feel that a homebirth would be right for me. I have had bad experiences with doctors/hospitals in the past and feel strongly that my body knows how to birth naturally without interventions.
However, my partner is against homebirth and wants me to go to a birth centre, which although is more appealing to me than a hospital birth, is still not the same as birthing in the comfort and security of my own home.
Has anyone else had these issues with their DPs? If so what did you do? It is very difficult as it is his baby too and I want him to feel part of it but I know what my body wants.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Trillian]

The biggest reason why people are against homebirths is that they think birth is something that needs to be done in a hospital because it is risky. So you really need to educate him about it and how it can be more safe to birth at home than it is in a hospital. There are some great books you can get that should really help, I will hunt down some titles for you. I assume you are going to have an independent midwife attend the birth, or are you going to freebirth? Are you going to have a Doula (support person) as well?

ETA - here are a few articles from the BellyBelly site;
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/pregna...hat-is-a-doula
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/...h-in-australia

And the BellyBelly recommended reading list https://www.bellybelly.com.au/misc/r...d-reading-list which can be purchased from the BellyBelly onilne store

[Starzia]

Thanks for those links, I'll have a read.
I am going to have an independant midwife, would love a doula too but money is tight and it is a big stretch even for us to afford a MW, so think we'll just be sticking with that (my DP has a agreed to MW even if we do end up using a birth centre.)
I am trying to educate him about the safety of homebirths but he says I am only looking at all the positive pro-homebirth info and not the other side. I have tried to explain that 'the other side' is just scare tactics but to no avail...

[Trillian]

there really is very little negative when it comes to a homebirth. If you have a skilled midwife with you then she will be equiped to deal with whatever this babe throws at her in most cases. You could find a student doula who is still completing their training - they need to attend births as part of their course and as such do not charge a fee for this. Maybe you should scare him with some of the ugliness that goes on in the hospital system - now that would be an eye opener for him.

[Sammiejane]

Hi Starzia,
My DH and I had very different views on what we wanted from the birth of MJ, i wanted a home birth or birthing centre, he wanted me in a hospital... after much discussion, i decided that i would go where he would be more comfortable, i needed him to be there for me and if we were somewhere that he felt wary of, he wouldnt have been able to give me the support i needed.

I didnt get the birth i wanted, ended in an emerg c/s - i believe that the outcome may have been different had i been in a birthing centre BUT my DH was able to give me the support and felt comfortable in hospital.

what im trying to say is that although your birthing experience should be what you want, if you have a partner that is unable to support you fully as they are not comfortable, it may impact on the experience anyway - does that make sense?

goodluck, i hope you can agree on what is best for you both... and congrats on your pg

[paradise lost]

My XP didn't want me to homebirth. He didn't know about the safety of normal birth or the risks of intervention. I offered him things to read but he also said that it was only pro-HB stuff, so in the end i turned the tables on him.

I told him that i was having a homebirth unless HE brought ME evidence that it wasn't safe. He went off and did his own research. Homebirth IS safe, so after doing his reading he was 100% behind my decision.

Tell him if he can show you why it isn't safe to homebirth you will go to hospital. There is very little that can happen at home that would be less of a problem at home. Even emergencies like cord prolapse, if you look at the figures, are not dealt with faster in hospital. If you have a cord prolapse at home the MW puts you in knee-chest, holds the presenting part of the baby back off the cord and calls an ambulance. The ambulance dispatch page the Ob and send a crew to get you. The crew get you while the Ob is arranging a theatre, you arrive and bubs is born by c section. If it happens in hospital it still often takes about 25-40mins to get a theatre arranged, a surgical team assembled and the baby out. No quicker than if you had to transport from home. And without the risk introduced by careproviders breaking your waters to "hurry things along" the risk of cord prolapse is much reduced at home.

I would put the ball in his court. You care enough about the baby to do your research and find out the facts. If he can't do the same then why should he get to have a say? Don't worry, he can't find medical statistics or studies to prove homebirth is unsafe, because there isn't any, because it's not.

Bx

[HotI]

Great post, Hoobley.

[rose]

Hi Sarzia,
I have not had a home birth and won't get one (not for me) but of the info I have read and see, it is something to be treasured and very special when you do choose that path and get to experience it. You are only 9 weeks and have many more to go to help dp get used to the idea. As time goes on he should come round. All the best and will look out for your journey.

[Trish]

Hi Sarzia, welcome to BB and welcome to Sydney

I could have so easily written your post myself. My DP was so against it. But I told him that there was no way I was going to have a hospital birth.

Sorry atm I can't give this post the time I want to give it.

I will BBL with a decent reply

[Starzia]

Thanks everyone for the advice and support, this is the first time I have ever been on a forum and it is so touching to see how many people care.
I have just been to the library and got 2 books:
'Birth Your Way' by Sheila Kitzinger
'Birth Right' by Susan Ross
They look great and I am looking forward to reading them with my DP, hopefully they will reassure him about the safety of homebirthing, will let u all know!

[mountain mummy]

I would have loved to have home-birth as an option, but the way I see it is that I have had too many complications during pregnancy (polyhydramnios, hyperemesis, thrombocytopenia) that, even though I'm on #4, and haven't really had birth complications, I don't think it is safe for me. I am not being negative, just realistic.

You, on the other hand, have done your research, know what you want from quite early on and I believe that you are making a very informed decision, whereas your DP isn't. I really do hope that he becomes more supportive of your decision through reading those books with you and discussing everything!

Bravo Starzia!

[rose]

Starzia,
How is it all going? I have been watching some beautiful home births on youtube and other sites. Thinking of you.

[Smoke Jaguar]

The Shiela book is absolutely the right start!
I've pulled rank on my DP and told him that as I will be the one giving birth, I want to do it the way I feel fundamentally inclined, and that's a HB. He KNOWS all about the risks of hospitals, and even birth centres attached to them (like our local FBC - it is still governed by policy, even if it is a far better policy than the maternity ward). It's the money factor with my DP, not the safety aspect - he's pretty clued up in that respect.
Now, if you can get your hands on it, get him to watch with you The Business of Being Born...that's gotta be compelling for anyone who needed convincing!
Yours isn't the first to baulk at the idea of HB, and I'm sure he won't be the last to be converted
Good luck!

[Starzia]

Hi guys,

actually my campaign to get DP on my side about about the homebith issue is working! Every day he is becoming more and more supportive of it, I am really touched by how much of an interest he has taken in everything as he is a real man's man and I never expected it, but am so pleased. He even took my side in a discussion about homebirth with my brother-in-law recently, who unfortunately had a scary hospital birth experience with my nephew and now has a very fearful and negative view of birth (so sad when that happens).

Rose - I have also been watching homebirth videos on YouTube, arent they amazing? So inspiring!

Mayaness - Funnily enough I just got the dvd of 'The Business of Being Born' a couple of days ago! We are planning on having a night in on Thursday to watch it together so will let you know how it goes. I feel exactly the same about birth centres, if they had ones that didnt have clocks I might consider them but at the end of the day they are just hospitals with comfy rooms and birth pools (which is great for some people but not me).

xxx

By the way, Mountain Mummy, your children's names are beautiful!

[rose]

Starzia, how are things with you now? Are you still planning that home birth?

[Starzia]

Hi Rose,
yes I certainly am! And DP is on side now too after lots of research so thats great, Im really looking forward to it. We have a fantastic independent midwife who has years of experience of homebirthing, so i feel very safe in her hands. Thanks for thinking of me!
Not long for you to go now, how are you feeling? I have a friend who is due the same day as you, she has some complications so will be having a c/s. What sort of birth are you planning?
xxx

[Trish]

Starzia, good to hear that your DP is now on your side and supporting you. Great that you have found a good IM to support you too.

Can I ask, where did you get your copy of The business of being born from ?

[Starzia]

Thanks Trish!
I actually downloaded the Business of Being Born for free off silverscreen.com, it was not quite as good quality as if you watch it off DVD but not bad for free!