Bangs, I am so sorry that you have had to experience a trauma that would put you in this situation. My heart goes out to you.

I am sure you would find that your hospital would be supportive of your wishes; premature babies are express fed from the beginning etc, so it isn't exactly a big deal - however you would probably have to explain your situation.

FWIW (and I am not trying to pressure you, I have been sexually abused so I can empathise with where you are coming from) - is there any way you might be able to do the first few feeds from the breast? It would help incredibly with establishing your supply and make the expressing road just a little bit easier from the beginning.

I understand your discomfort with the idea of BFing (I was going to express full time as well) but it is something you could consider between now and then - you may be so high off post-birth hormones that BFing is okay with you after birth. However as I said, if you don't want to, you don't want to, end of story. No midwife should dispute with you, however, you may want to ensure that you have your husbands support because a midwife you see during your pregnancy may not necessarily attend the birth, and if you are not in a fit position to discuss it, then your husband may need to (IYKWIM).

Sorry I have rambled a little here, I really wish you the best with your pregnancy and good luck with your breastfeeding journey. There are several BB Mumma's who have exclusively express-fed for many months and they would be a great source of support to you.

You may also like to consider getting in touch with a lactation consultant prior to the birth as they will be able to give you information necessary for you to be prepared in terms of increasing milk supply etc.