Thank you for your BRILLIANT replies. Honeslty they might not seem like much, but just the few kind words and ideas have alleviated a lot of tension in my head!

I hadnt thought of putting a few chosen details in a birth plan.. that way the midwives, nurses etc would understand my hesitation with contact. I guess I am scared I will get some rough old chook who just goes the grope and of course then my basic instincts will just kick right in!! So the birth plan idea is fantastic.

I hadnt thought of how babies in care would be fed, I just assumed if mum couldnt feed then they would be given formula. So I am glad that expressing is obviously a very typical thing from word go.
The lactation consultant is a good idea as well. I hadnt thought of somthing like that either. I would ultimately like to wipe the slate clean and not think of BFing my baby as some disgusting unnatural act so maybe with some help I might be able to forget or at least move on from what happened with me and focus on having a great relationship with my own bundle.

Thank you so much guys. You helped a packet!