We didn't find out with DS#1. With DS#2 we decided on our way to the scan to find out but it was never something we were going to make known to everyone. In the end a few close people to me did know before the birth (Parents & in-laws not included). This time around i am SOOOO tempted but also know i would love to have the surprise at the end. Still yet to have any scans so again it may be something we just end up deciding on the day.
Having done it both ways i can't really say i liked one way better than the other. At the end of the journey we got our beautiful little miracles and that's all that matters to us. The curiosity in me is what's making me want to know what this little one is but that is it, everything else can wait until after the bubba comes.
So to answer your questions i never had any regrets in not knowing what DS1 was or knowing what DS2 was it was a beautiful journey both ways. And i know whatever we decide with this little one it will be right and just as much a special journey as the first two. I do suggest that if you find out what you are having keep it to yourselves as much as you can. Even though you know, it does keep the suspence until the end for everyone else.
We found out with both, with DD1 we weren't going to but then DP changed his mind so we 'flipped a coin'
I am so so glad we did though as i got to tell my nan we were having a girl and using her name as a middle name, she died 3 days later, she had asked me from day 1 what girls name we would use and we didn't have one picked, when we found out we were having a girl the name came to us and we used it and told her straight away.
With DD2 we found out for financial reasons, i had given all my neutral baby clothes to a friend who desperately needed some help and we couldn't really afford to go out and buy all new neutral clothes and sheets etc.
We found out the gender of our babies with both of our kids. We kept it a secret with DD, no one knew but us! It was really nice for DH and I to share that experience - we knew something no one else knew, something we could only share with each other.
At the same US that we found out the gender of DS we were told that he was not expected to survive. His gender was so completely irrelevant and unimportant that we told everyone. Keeping it a secret really wasn't even a consideration.
This time, my DH has said that he would like a surprise. I really feel that I should honour his wish and not find out... BUT... I don't think I can!! I can cope with not being terribly organised as far as clothes and room decorations go, but I honestly find that knowing the gender when I'm pregnant helps me to bond with my babies. I don't want to miss that opportunity! I am also impatient and just waiting 20 weeks to find out the gender seems waaaay too long! I have suggested to DH that I find out and he doesn't, but he's not sure about that!
So, I've found out both times and never regretted it. I know people say it's lovely to have the surprise at the time of delivery, but I like to have the surprise half way through! It's not like, if you know the gender the delivery is boring!!!
If you're not sure whether you want to know you could ask for the gender to be written in the US report which is sent to your care provider. Then you can change your mind and find out later. Or I do know someone who had the gender written down and sealed in an envelope. She and her DH never looked at it, but liked the idea that they COULD look if they wanted to... would have driven me insane!!! Good luck, whatever you decide!
Last edited by nickle730; May 15th, 2010 at 09:42 AM.
: spelling!
I think i agree with nickle730 about knowing and having that extra time to bond knowing you will have a new son/daughter. I'm not saying you don't get that experience of bonding when you don't know but thinking back i really did enjoy it... that we could know and no one else did. I really am leaning towards finding out what this little bubba will be.
I didn't find out with DD.. the whole time I hoped for and expected a boy. Not knowing made the whole pregnancy really exciting. For that reason, I intend to never find out the sex of any future babies.
To be honest though, during the labour (10hrs and no pain relief) the sex of my baby was the last thing on my mind, and when DH finally said "It's a girl" I felt no real reaction, just "oh".. mainly just felt relieved and shocked that labour was finally over!
But, not expecting a girl made me love having a girl. I felt so proud of her, surprising us like that, and also looking so cute and pretty..
Having done it both ways as well, I can't say that one way is better then the other or not. With both our boys, I never considered finding out, but with DD, it was something that was discussed. DH did not want to find out and I went into the scan not knowing for sure if I wanted to know. DH couldn't come to that scan and I told the lady doing the scan that I didn't want to be told but if it was on the DVD I didn't mind. After TTC for over ten years, it honestly didn't matter one way or the other if we had a girl or boy, although the comments since have driven me crazy "you must be so glad you've had a girl", Ummmm, it honestly didn't matter, I've got a baby.
I did come home and go through the DVD looking for bits, and finally rang back to have it confirmed, and had it double confirmed at an Ob appointment. DH didn't know until our bub was born what we were having, and I can still remember his face when she was delivered. I did tell a few close friends that I knew wouldn't tell anyone, and by mistake my eldest son found out, although he didn't want to know either. My mother used to ask all the time because she knew that I knew, but I used to tell her, until DH knew, I wasn't telling anyone.
We had a surprise for our first born, which was so exciting. That announcement and anticipation was such a wonderful feeling. Through the pushing stage i kept thinking we're about to find out what we have. I think it helped distract me a little.
With our second we decided to find out. As our first was a boy and i felt i needed to prepare myself for if it wasn't a girl, which it wasn't- so it helped me to know and try to get over the disappointment. I didn't want to cry the day DS2 was born- so this did help. Also i had sooo many boys clothes from DS1 and my cousins clean out- and wanted to know whether we needed to pass it onto a friend who was having a boy or keep for us- obviously we had to keep it for us. This time though it wasn't quite the same at the birth. They still did the 'its a boy'- but it wasn't as exciting.
We'll probably/hopefully in for a round 3 (in a few years though) and at this stage i think we'll let it be a surprise, even if it is another boy- which i feel it would end up being.
If your not sure yet, maybe see if you can get them to write it down and then you's can open it at 30 or 35 weeks. Or if you think it'll help you MIL and she can keep a secret just let her open it and then when your ready to know she can tell you.
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