my mother is very religous and brought me up to be against abortion...she doesn't even know I was pregnant the first time and would never even think of me considering an abortion...none of my family would...My mother always wanted me to be married and have children that way...premarital sex upset her enough, even though she has finally begun to except that we have been together so long, she still tells me her concerns that she wants him to commit to me! Though I tell her he has, but we have been going slowly. When we first got together, she was concerned about his "baggage" and even said, what if you get pregnant and he leaves you! He was so adamant that he wanted me to terminate it, I didn't even get the chance to tell him how I felt and he was not in the mood to listen! I feel so alone...
Jes you are not alone. It's extemely unfair for him to force a decision upon you. It sounds as though he hasn't even bothered to find out if you want a baby. You're not a teenager either, for goodness sakes.
I can only imagine the decision to have an abortion is extremely difficult. I personally couldn't do it unless the circumstances were extenuating - not because I'm not against it - just because it would be a very difficult thing to do. I would have been a single mother before being given an ultimatum.
My DH took both announcements of pg pretty hard because he's a "financial worrier", but he loves his sons and would never give them up. Why you should compromise on having a baby doesn't seem fair to me.
Your mum loves you hun. I'm sure if you explain the whole situation she will try to support you in any way she can. You don't need to tell her about the first one. Of course she may not agree with it, but if you go the other way, it would be good to have her support.
I highly doubt she'll say 'told you so'.
he rung me at work...wanting to know if i'd made a decision yet...i told him i don't know and all i get is "how can you not know?!"...that i'm ruining him...he even said things are going so well and we are getting closer every week and this would ruin everything! He doesn't want a child now, he just wants to be happy with me! He's too young and doesn't want to deal with this...well neither do I!! I asked him if he'd even considered how I feel about it...that he isn't the one that has to live with it...he never gave the first abortion a second thought, but I have thought about it every day! He asked me if I wanted him to hate me for doing this to him!?! Then he pulled the whole we don't have a house, you don't know what your getting yourself into, we don't want the responsibility yet!?!? "We were on the pill so we wouldn't have to deal with this". All he seems to want to do is attack me, instead of discussing it with me...he's so angry, he can't even see me!
I'm sorry, but maybe you should tell him to go get a vasectomy. This is really unfair on you. The pill is not 100% Never has been. Maybe he should've been doing other things to guarantee this didn't happen! The only thing that is 100% is no sex. Simple as that. He should know that.
I agree with bj - there is almost no 100% way of ensuring you don't get pregnant other than abstaining.
From what I am reading in your posts he seems to be thinking about himself and guilting you by saying 'it was all going well, this will affect it' (sorry not the exact words, I'm just really bad at quoting properly) You need to think about yourself and your partnership and it doesn't sound like he is thinking about the both of you. I also think it would be a good think to stay somewhere where you will be supported. There are lots of options and help for single mums. There are lots here who would be able to give you great advise. And staying with a partner who isn't supportive of your pregnancy and baby will be even harder work than it would be if you were single.
I'm sorry things didn't go better. lots of :hugs: in the mean time
I am not thrying to sway your decision but before you told him you seemed pretty adamant that you couldn't have another abortion and now that he has had this reaction it seems you are considering an abortion. I think you should be very careful that the decision you make is what you want to do. Your DP's reaction is very unfair on you! This is a HUGE decision to make and not one you should be harrassed into making. I would suggest you should get some distance from him if you could stay at a good friends house or something if you could talk it through.
I would suggest calling centrelink and having a talk. I am almost positive once you are a certain way through your pregnancy you can get the dole (sorry can't think of the proper name of the payment) but get exemption from looking for work etc then you would be about the get a payment once your baby arrived and also the baby bonus. Also if you ask centrelink I am sure they could put you in contact with other services that would be able to help. Could u live with your mum for a bit if you needes to?
Maybe your dp will come around but if you want to keep this baby and you have an abortion to keep him happy maybe you will end up resenting him. I believe a partner doesn't need to agree with all of your decisions but they do need to support them. Anyway to me when you have sex with someone you are agreeing to the possibility of a baby, doesn't matter if contraception is involved!
Have a looking in the single parenting section, there are so many successful, supportive mums in there that would be able to give you some wonderful advice and support, that would come in handy if you decide to keep your baby and that means doing it on your own
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