How many times have you been pregnant? *Sensitive topic*

**Jahzara** · September 21st, 2011, 10:13 AM

5 pregnancies - 3 live children

**jacklicky** · September 21st, 2011, 10:24 AM

I have had 5 positive pregancies

First one is now DD who is 3 tomorrow
Second was MC at 8-9wks
Third Chemical 5-6wks
Fourth Chemical 4wks (wouldnt have even known except we were doing IVF so had BT)
Fifth - Just found out so have everything crossed its going to work out!

**LionsandBears** · September 21st, 2011, 10:30 AM

TBH, the stats still worry me. Even though I've had one pregnancy and now have my beautiful DD, I kind of feel like because of the stats I'm 'due' for a m/c. So I'll be even more nervous TTC #2 than I was with DD.

As someone recently pointed out to me when I was stressing about stats. 1 in 4 does not mean 1 in 4. It means one person can have 10 losses, another can have 0. I know a woman who had 5/12 live. That's 7 losses. My Mum had 4/4 live (and knows there were no m/c). Some people have known issues which will increase the losses and skew the figures. Others have bad luck.

As I recently read: pregnancy is a hope, not a promise. Yes, loss is scary, but apart from being as fit and healthy as you can be, there ain't much you can do to stop it. I don't dismiss the right to worry. I do get upset with people who buy trouble. The reality of a loss is a whole lot worse than one can possibly imagine. Imagining the bad won't make things good or bad, it just spoils the time you have growing a new baby. There are people who freak out about every little thing and all it does is stress them, stress the baby, stress the people around them. They end up with a live, healthy baby and what point was all that stress?

btw - I'm not having a go at you at all. this is just a bugbear of mine.

For someone who's been on the side of pregnancy= death/pain/grief, it really p's me off to see others spoil their pregnancies/births with perfectly healthy babies without a damn good reason. I'd kill for a healthy, live baby and a boring, uneventful pregnancy. I spoilt the pregnancy with DS1 stressing about losing him - I stressed off people around me in the process. I didn't give my all to my son in the short time I had with him and that still upsets me. I wish I hadn't wasted so much energy worrying about something I couldnt control and just cherished the moments as they happened. I'd fully support going back to the old days when you didn't test until you'd missed 2 periods. Not realistic I know, but it may save some of the hysteria. I'd take this into a vent thread but I'm sure I'd offend people.

I should add the caveat - I'm a whole lot more tolerant when it's a late loss. There aint nothing can stop the fear of another baby dying once you've held your dead child in your arms. Hypocritical of me, maybe, but that's just where I sit atm. I suppose that's my definition of a damn good reason. I tried so much more to chill and be in the moment with DS2. Still had freak outs, but actively tried not to and I cherish the memory of that. I know we didn't have him long, but the short time we did, we were present and all he knew was love.

Sorry to go way OT.

**mrscricket** · September 21st, 2011, 10:46 AM

As I recently read: pregnancy is a hope, not a promise. Yes, loss is scary, but apart from being as fit and healthy as you can be, there ain't much you can do to stop it.
.

This is what my sisters and I were brought up being told too, and I believe it is very true. My mum had 10 pregnancies for 5 children, and her sisters all had a very similar history, including a beautiful SIDS baby. My older sister has had 5 pregnancies (including a twin loss at 16 weeks) and now has 2 children. My other sister has been ttc for almost 8 years. I have had 2 pregnancies resulting in 3 children, and I am thankful for this everyday.

**Mumtastic** · September 21st, 2011, 10:50 AM

6 pregnancies, 4 children

Tashybabe your blog is very moving, a wonderful tribute to your boys and to a mother's love.

**Teeki** · September 21st, 2011, 10:52 AM

I think you're exactly right Tashy (and I didn't take it as you having a go). I know I spent far too long worrying about what 'could' happen when I was pregnant with DD. None of it happened, so what was the point? And if something had happened, the worry wouldn't have stopped it anyway. I am going to try hard to be completely 'in' every moment should I get pregnant again, to just enjoy it for what it is and love whatever time I have with that baby.

I also realise that there is no way I can know how it feels to experience a loss, unless it happens to me. It did happen to my Mum and I saw the pain my parents went through, I truly feel for anyone who experiences any kind of loss.

**Maruschke** · September 21st, 2011, 11:05 AM

I kinda agree Tashy, but for people who suffer from anxiety (not just every day stuff, but real medical anxiety), it's rather rough to suggest that they are being anxious about their pregnancy for no good reason. It seems like when that is said, it just sets up another standard that we fail at.

**Ahurani** · September 21st, 2011, 11:15 AM

And for me I spent my pregnancy worrying about DD dying and she did. So I think my fears and anxiety was warranted. I don't think you can even compare a very early mc to a full term loss though.

**mum_of_5** · September 21st, 2011, 11:20 AM

6 pregnancy's 5 living kids and a ectopic at 9 weeks

**Mumtastic** · September 21st, 2011, 11:22 AM

It is a good topic but not the topic of this thread of course....

I have four healthy children that I am incredibly grateful for but I am constantly anxious (what if they get cancer, what if they get kidnapped, what if they end up a bad person, etc). I think that it's part of being a parent. It's part of love. There's never a guarantee (bad things can happen at any age)... as soon as you have conceived your child you need to live with that possibility of loss - it's like that saying about how the decision to have a child is momentous because you'll be living forevermore with your heart outside your body.

**Maruschke** · September 21st, 2011, 11:26 AM

I don't think you can even compare a very early mc to a full term loss though.

Of course not

**FabFiona** · September 21st, 2011, 11:27 AM

3 pregnancies 2 live babies

Some of the stats are amazing. You women are really brave.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

**sahbear** · September 21st, 2011, 11:27 AM

I have been lucky enough to have been pregnant once, and have one gorgeous bub ith me.

Tashy, what you said was a brilliant eye opener for me. I did stress out during my pregnancy, I had some medical issues in the last trimester, but I was worrying too much well before that.
If I am lucky enough to be pregnant again, I will definitely embrace it in a different way.
I am sorry for what you have been through, I cant even begin to imagine, but thank you for making me take a step back and think.

**Bumperstump Cummerbund** · September 21st, 2011, 11:55 AM

Y'know, I'm sorry, I have tried to let it go, but I'm really offended. I have NOTHING to remember my babies by. Most people don't even consider them babies because they were only 6 weeks old (as further evidenced by this thread). I never got to hold them, to see what they looked like, I don't even know if they were boys or girls. Sometimes I feel stupid for having given them unisex names, I feel like I'm making too much out of nothing. But y'know what? They were and ARE my babies, and I bet that my heart aches just as much as anyones

I don't think it's helpful to anyone to say that one loss is worse than another - ALL loss is fricken' painful and should never happen.

**Epacris** · September 21st, 2011, 11:58 AM

4 pregnancies, 3 children. My first pregnancy was a blighted ovum discovered at 10 weeks for which I had a D&C a week later.

**LysnDan** · September 21st, 2011, 12:00 PM

Y'know, I'm sorry, I have tried to let it go, but I'm really offended. I have NOTHING to remember my babies by. Most people don't even consider them babies because they were only 6 weeks old (as further evidenced by this thread). I never got to hold them, to see what they looked like, I don't even know if they were boys or girls. Sometimes I feel stupid for having given them unisex names, I feel like I'm making too much out of nothing. But y'know what? They were and ARE my babies, and I bet that my heart aches just as much as anyones

I don't think it's helpful to anyone to say that one loss is worse than another - ALL loss is fricken' painful and should never happen.

Hugs honey. Your right. Any loss is painful. The hardest one for me to physically and mentally cope with was loosing zach. You know getting that far along, and not being able to take him home in his little outfit. Having to pick up a tiny little box of ashes instead. To get a birth AND death certificate. I was supposed to die before my child....

I've had 2 chemical pg and 1 stillborn.(zach) and one still baking. No live babies for me yet fx this one is a take home bubba x

**LionsandBears** · September 21st, 2011, 12:15 PM

keike - everyone's pain is there own and it's all relative. I don't dismiss the pain of other mothers.

For me, I have had 2 early losses and 2 babies born still or who then died. For me, the pain of those deaths outweigh the pain of a mc. I was devastated when I had a mc and that was a very real grief. I still gireve that baby. It was nothing compared to holding my boys still in my arms or planning their funerals. Yes, I have things to remember them by, but for me, that's no consolation at all. Personally, I would rather have another miscarriage than an another late loss. It would still be painful, but I would find some small comfort in mother nature doing her job properly for once. because, in my opinion, she's been crap at it so far. That's a deal I've made with myself. But that has been the lessons that life has brought to me.

I have a dear friend who would kill to get pregnant. She has told me she'd rather be in her shoes than mine. I don't know what it's like to be in her shoes, so I can't compare. It is not a competition of whose pain is greater than the others. I think the idea of comparing emotional scars is sick. I have not walked in your shoes. I have not walked in the shoes of the mother whose child died of SIDS, illness, car accident, lost 7 babies in the 2nd trimester and nearly bled to death with 3 of them. I have not walked in the shoes of the woman with a balanced translocation who loses bub after bub after bub, praying desperately that the number roll her way for once. I have not walked in the shoes of the woman who has tried and tried and tried and never got pregnant once. I do not compare the pain. That was not my point at all.

My point was about people who buy trouble. Whilst someone is pregnant today, I think they should enjoy as much as they can, being pregnant, today. That is all you can expect. Hope for the best, stay healthy and maybe they get to keep a living, healthy baby. Worry is normal. Dealing with it, managing it is something we can try to control. The baby making it or not if often not something we can.

I'm sorry if I was unclear.