The sex of this baby that is.
Thinking about it causes so many anxieties.
Half of me is happy to not know and let it just be a baby rather than a boy or a girl, but the other half is desperate to know!! i want to know so we can start calling this baby by its name,mainly for DD1's sake who thinks that jack is back in my tummy and we're going to go to the hospital to go get him its so hard trying tto explain to her that jack will never come home. And so i can mentaly prepare my self.
We want a boy, we wanted a boy when we tried for Jack, we have a room waiting for a little boy. but if it is a boy, i dont know how i'll handle it, everything about this pregnancy is so so so similar to jacks and baby is due only 9 days after his first birthday. it kinda feels like history repeating and it scares me.
If baby is a girl, i'll be disapointed, im not going to lie about that, but at the same time if it is a girl i think it might ease the worry of things ending the same as they did with Jack because its a different sex ITMS???
Argh i dont know what to do, stick my head in the sand?
I can't imagine how hard this decision is for you. I say go with your heart. FWIW, I think mentally preparing yourself as best you can would be wise. For me, that would mean knowing the sex....... but by no means am I telling you that's what you should do.
That was soooooooo unhelpful, so I'll just finish with one of these...
We originally chose not to find out with DS2 until it went wrong but we weren't fussed about sex. If there's a next time, we'll probably find out so I can prepare myself as that will likely be our last baby.
If you wait to the end, you know you'll love baby either way. If you think you'll be disappointed with a girl, maybe it's best to find out early so you can work through that before baby is born.
Btw, I was also worried about the new baby 'replacing' DS1. That changed as we got to know him. He had his own strong personality from the start. It became more 'real' for us when we found he was a boy. I dont know why, but it did. Even though neither of them stayed with us, both boys were individuals. You'll never forget Jack. Your daughters may not understand now but they will later on.
Maybe get the doctor to write down the sex and put it in an envelope. You can open it when you're feeling more sure. Or baby may decide to keep you guessing anyway.
I think I'd want to know so I could start putting a name and identity to this baby. Then you can be prepare your girls too. In many ways I think it would be a relief to find out now and sit with your feelings for as long as you need.
Thanks girls, i was thinking about asking the person who does the scan to just put the thinggy over its bits and letting me guess what it is, that way im not being told per say, im finding out for myself.
Its so hard with a child who's old enough to know, but not old enough to understand. When Jack died we did the usuals and told her he was an angel and was in heaven. but then we confuse her by tellling her we're going to visit jack when we go to the cemetery because now she thinks that the cemetery is heaven, and obviously we come home from the cemetery, so why cant jack come home too? IYKWIM? i know as she gets older the concept will become clearer to her, its just hard atm.
Everyone still associates the nursery with Jack, whenever i say the nursery or the babies room, DF and DD1 always say Jacks room?? i need it to start belonging to this baby, and everything thats in it that we bought new when i was pregnant with Jack
hun, i can't even begin to imagine.
I guess all you can do is what feels right at the time, knowing that we are all here to support and love you no matter what.
I don't know what to say Skye, I haven't been in your shoes so I don't know what I would do. I "think" i would need to find out to process and digest whatever I was told. xxx
From your last post, I personally think knowing the sex soon will help you guys although it will be bloody hard regardless of the sex. I think being able to give the baby a name will bring it to life, IYKWIM, and quite possibly allow you to start referring to the nursery and the nursery goods as it's room and stuff.
Can you afford new bedding and accessories for the new baby? Maybe it would help to put Jack's away, when you're ready of course, and keep it special, always his. The fresh accessories in the nursery may help to make it the new baby's room. I hope that makes sense, I'm obviously not speaking from experience but I know I want this baby to have it's own 'stuff' and be able to put it's stamp on the nursery even if it is another DD for us. KWIM?
I think finding out will help you to fall in love with this new baby, and if it's a boy, knowing its name will help your dd identify this as a new sibling.
Whichever you decide, big hugs.
i want to know but i dont
its so hard trying tto explain to her that jack will never come home. And so i can mentaly prepare my self.
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