Registered User
My DP came to the scans and whatever ob appointments he could which wasn't that many.
He came to all the antenatal classes apart from the one on breastfeeding - the hospital split us so that the women went off to the BF class and the blokes went off to the 'what you can do to support your partner' class. My DP said that was quite hysterical/sad with some of the blokes' idea of helping being "don't ask her to iron my clothes when she gets out of hospital." They were serious.
My XP came to my scan and initial (only) ob appointment, about 3 midwife appointments (when he happened to be off work) and one of my daycare sessions (had to have BP monitoring, actually having him there hyped me up more and made my BP worse).
There were no men at my BFing class and i'm not sure they'd have been welcomed by some of the women there.
My XP was relatively uninvolved and disinterested in the whole thing TBH, but when i needed him, when i was in labour, he was brilliant.
Registered User
They might have thought they werent welcome there.. men at a breastfeeding class. I personally dont see a problem with it. When I was hospital we had classes for breastfeeding, physio/exercise and also one about what support is available (Tresillian, ABA etc). DH came to the support one and he was the only guy there. The other mums were just staring at him as if to say "what is he doing here" but I liked that he came there with me. I was not in good shape afterwards and needed him there.
When we had our antenatal classes (the ones about labour/birth) all the dads were there. There were about 10 couples. There was also another antenatal class which was about "the early days of being a parent" and we did get a bit of info on breastfeeding. All the dads-to-be, except for ONE were there. However, that mum-to-be was single. DH was keen to go to the classes and get all the information. ITs always good to have two sets of ears there, especially since my pregnant brain couldnt retain much info. He also came to both our scans and some of our later appoitnments. It was important to me that he came to the classes.
My hospitsl also ran breastfeeding classes that you go to at the end of your pregnancy. It was a 2 hours session. I didnt go as Claire was born before I got the chance to go. I think the pamphlet about them said "women only" so men werent even invited!
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
I am going to the breastfeeding class offered by my hospital, and Shel is coming too. Though to be honest I really didn't expect her to, as I didn't think she'd want to for a start, as it wasn't really involving her, and I thought she'd be pretty bored. And I think at first she thought this as well, but I have had her reading a lot (lol, that was a really hard task!!!!!!!!!) and now she wants to come so she knows as well, and so she has the knowledge as well and is able to support me when I am breastfeeding.
I think it has a lot to do with the way you and your partner see the parenting experience... A friend of mine went to all the appointments and scans and everything by herself, and her DH ended up being at the birth, and back at work a few days later... (not that I am judging!!!!). And I kind of see his parenting attitude as "I am the provider, and my DW is the nurturer..." I think he would have been someone to say "What do I need to know about breastfeeding for, I'm not doing it..." whereas maybe people who have really involved partners see the parenting experience as a joint experience, and to know what the other is going to go through and be able to support that to the best of your ability is important to a lot of people.
Moderator
Bit harsh I think. It really depends on everyone's situation. In mine, if DH did not go back to work quickly or took a day off for every appointment, then we would have gone broke. Really hard to have joint parenting experience when you no longer have a roof over your head. Sometime roles need to be defined just for the survival of the family.
2013 BellyBelly RAK Recipient.
I said I wasn't judging. Everyone has different circumstances and I just used that one as my experience with a not so supportive partner. I didn't mean that because he went back to work early that he wasn't being supportive either, it was just one small part in the bigger story. You can definately have a supportive partner and a joint parenting experience when the other person goes back to work (Shel will obviously be going back to work too, so like I said I wasn't judging, it was just a part of the story).
Suppose I went a bit OT though didn't I. I meant to add that these friends also had a very medical way of viewing birth, which follows on from ren's intial question. She also didn't end up bfing, I just think that all these things, maybe the lack of her partners support/understanding of a lot of things could have contributed... perhaps if he had gone to some appts., known a bit more about bfing, he would have been able to support her a bit more...? That's all I meant.
I really didn't mean it the way it came out,
Registered User
Have already posted but just thought I would add that I think it's really important that partners educate themselves/go to classes/whatever about breastfeeding. I was lucky in that my partner had already had a child whereas this one was my first so he was more cluey than I was and, to be honest, if I'd listened to him more instead of the midwives who got me in a blind panic about DD losing weight (very normal) when my milk wasn't even in yet, I may still be breastfeeding. Long story.
I think it's useful for everyone to know just how much time/how often you can be breastfeeding in those early days AND that it can sometimes be a struggle.
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