Thanks Rylansmummy, i am hoping that once i get someone to talk to that things might start being a bit better. Maybe the little things won't seem so huge anymore. I can't believe how many people are in the same boat, i can't help feeling silly that i hadn't posted before now, maybe i could have started coming to terms with everything alot sooner. But i suppose i just couldn't handle writting it down, as i still believe its not real that dad and my puppies are just away and that one day they will just walk in the door, or dad will ring.
I am so sorry that you all have had to go through this horrendous pain, and i totally understand where dachlostar is coming from with my FIL. They already have 3 grandchildren, my parents - this is their first. They never bother to come over and see her we have to go there, mine would see us at least once a week and mum still does. They take it for granted and it just makes me so angry that she can't be as special to her grandad as she would have been with my dad, and that he has missed out on the one thing he was waiting so badly for - i'm stamping my feet now and saying "ITS JUST NOT FAIR" - sorry just had to have that tantrum, now i will go feed my little chicken.
Good luck to you all