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Thread: Losing a parent while pregnant

  1. #19
    Mimi's Mum Guest

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    Thanks Rylansmummy, i am hoping that once i get someone to talk to that things might start being a bit better. Maybe the little things won't seem so huge anymore. I can't believe how many people are in the same boat, i can't help feeling silly that i hadn't posted before now, maybe i could have started coming to terms with everything alot sooner. But i suppose i just couldn't handle writting it down, as i still believe its not real that dad and my puppies are just away and that one day they will just walk in the door, or dad will ring.
    I am so sorry that you all have had to go through this horrendous pain, and i totally understand where dachlostar is coming from with my FIL. They already have 3 grandchildren, my parents - this is their first. They never bother to come over and see her we have to go there, mine would see us at least once a week and mum still does. They take it for granted and it just makes me so angry that she can't be as special to her grandad as she would have been with my dad, and that he has missed out on the one thing he was waiting so badly for - i'm stamping my feet now and saying "ITS JUST NOT FAIR" - sorry just had to have that tantrum, now i will go feed my little chicken.
    Good luck to you all


  2. #20

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    Kerrie, I forgot to say IKWYM about the comments that kind of imply that it's going to be easier for you because you've got the baby as if a baby is some kind of replacement. It's so damn annoying - nobody can replace your Mum or any other person for that matter. The wierd thing for me about that comment is that when my sister was in a coma and we weren't sure if she would pull through I remember my mother going nuts about the way that people kept saying at least you have 3 other children. It was only after she was gone that I truly understood how infuriating the sentiment is and had a better understanding of why she was so angry.
    For me one of the great ironies of losing Mum when I did was that the last few years have given me a much greater understanding of where she was coming from - now that I'm a parent myself I have more in common with her but it's too late to share it.

  3. #21

    Join Date
    Jan 2006
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    Melb, Vic
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    Oh gals, sending you all massive hugs. And dont ever underestimate the power of prayer (pray to whoever or whatever you believe in). Sometimes with some positive thinking, will power and prayer, we can achieve things we never thought possible. My grandma who was my 2nd mum died 3 years ago, but when she first got sick (about 12years ago) we were told she would have 24-48 hours to live, she lived a reasonably normal life for the next 9 years - she was adament to see me settle down. Well I did 'settle' down and dh and I were planning to move in together (not married or engaged at this stage). Well on the first morning in our new house my dad called to say she'd had a turn for the worst. I just knew it, she waited for me to move into our house before letting go. Well she lasted for another 2 months, and although there was always a family member with her in her last two weeks (24 hour watch), she waited til the ONLY time she was alone in her room to slip away. We had gone downstairs to have a coffee while the nurses tended to her (they insisted we have a break), and as we walked back to the room, the nurse was running to find us. i just caught her last breath as i ran back in the room and held her hand. She was always thinking of us and I know that she didnt want any of us to see her go so she held on until she was alone.

    I miss her everyday, but missed her the most when I lost my two precious angels, she was only 69 when she died so she was a young granny and she was my best friend. So I can only imagine what you girls are going through or have gone through and I admire all of you for having the strength to talk about your stories to help Rylansmum.

    Praying for a little miracle for you mum to hang in there so she can meet your special little girl,
    Lisa

  4. #22
    TeganRheana Guest

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    Rylansmum...first of all I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I wish you all the strenght in the world as I couldn't even begin to imagine what you must be going through at the moment. I think this may be just me, but I would definately look into being induced early. Not too early...but perhaps 2 wks would be fine? Plenty of healthy big and strong babies are born around 38wks, so I am sure your baby would be fine I would keep thinking about it, and go with your own feelings, dont let anyone persuade you to do anything you don't want to do. I just couldn't imagine having my baby born only a couple of weeks after having my mum pass away as I would always be "what if"ing myself. Do what is right for you and your family. I wish you all my good thoughts! Goodluck.

  5. #23

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Newcastle NSW
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    TeganRheana,
    Thanks for your vote of support on the induction..i wasnt thinking about a medical induction like right now or anything..i couldnt deal with a premmie bubba in hospital aswell as a dying mum!!
    I had terrible experience with being induced with DS so i am a bit scared of going through the pain and missing out on the whole labour again...i have been reading a few threads about inductions and saw that you can get the midwives to sort it out so it mimicks natural labour not wham straight to the worst without a break.
    So i will keep looking into it aswell as trying all the natural ways also.

    At this stage of my pregnancy Instead of thinking... i have 7 weeks to go till she is born its more like well its only 4-5 weeks until i lose my mumma and i dont feel like i could be happy knowing she missed out by what could even be days!!

    It is kinda getting easier to deal with now...i cant talk about it without crying immediately so that is something

    Thanks again to everyone for their support and advice

  6. #24

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    perth WA
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    I feel so sorry for you sweetie. I didnt lose a parent while pregnant, but in feb. 2007 my father passed away from cardiac arrest. I got pregnant in april. I am still dealing with this loss as me and my dad were so close. I find it very hard to deal with..thinking that my dad wont get to meet this baby and how I want my baby to know my dad, he was such a good man. If you would like to chat my email is [email protected] take care.

  7. #25

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    I lost my brother when I was 10 weeks pregnant (it was to leukemia too sorry to say, he'd had it on and off for ten years. He was 23). Not a very easy time time on top of first trimester tiredness. All I can remember doing is sleeping and visiting him in pallitive care. I will be naming my son after my brother, it's a shame he will never meet his uncle, but I know he will always be there for him.

    I really hope your mum gets to meet your little one, it must be such a hard time for you at the moment.

  8. #26

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    Newcastle NSW
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    Thanks to everyone for their warm wishes and kind words
    I just wanted to let everyone know that my mumma passed away on Tuesday 1st May i cant believe she is gone...this week has been the worst of my life.
    Everybody please do something for me..go and give your mum a huge big hug for me because it kills me to know that i can never ever talk touch smell or hold her ever again.

  9. #27
    paradise lost Guest

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    Rylansmum, i'm so sorry honey. for you sweetheart.

    Life can be so cruel. You're in my thoughts and prayers. You can email me at [email protected] if you ever want to talk in private.

    Love

    Hana

  10. #28

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    Rylansmum, I'm so sad to hear about your heartbreaking loss - at a time when you should be so happy. I know how difficult the weeks, months and years ahead will be so please remember that anytime you need a vent, or a sook or a bit of support we're here for you.

  11. #29
    Mimi's Mum Guest

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    Rylannsmum, i wish i could give you some big hugs so i'll send you some now, now . You'll be in my thoughts and i hope that all the great memories that you have, one day will shine through all the pain.

  12. #30

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Newcastle NSW
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    Thank you to everyone, life is going to be hard for a long time.
    I officially hate all the tv ads for mothers day, especially the Jenniifer Hawkins ad for Myer!!! They all make me cry so much.
    Please forgive me for not talking much it may take sometime.

  13. #31

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    Rylansmum- i am so deeply sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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