Lost a few, gained a few

[LadyRaven]

Since coming out and telling a few school chums after the rest of the family I've "gained" a few friends in that people I rarely spoke to are now organising to come see me and are calling me and being very positive towards me while others I've known since primary school have decided they aren't able to talk to me anymore..

Anyone else had this? One of my closest friends has decided she feels this baby is morally wrong and can no longer be in my life while people I havent spoken to in year 10 are so extactic for me and want to go out of their way to drive 2-3 hours to see and congratulate me!

Hows all your friends and family taking to the news?

[Jas]

Celticmoon,

All my friends have been really great. Tell me to mind my own business but why on earth is your friend saying this baby is morally wrong?

[LadyRaven]

Because Im not married and because my DP is currently half way through a divorce the baby is morally wrong and thus she can't talk to me anymore, fair enough her call, still a bit of a rude shock

[Jas]

whoa ok...that is a really wierd reaction if you ask me!!!!

You know what? that really sucks if thats what your friend believes. I'll tell you what I believe, I believe that it takes more than 2 people to make a baby I think it takes God's help as well I believe that all babies are formed in their mothers wombs perfectly and for a purpose. I'm sorry if that seem a bit out there but being pregnant is the most amazing, exciting experience I have ever had and as a pregnant, hormone filled woman I am taking that personally!!

Don't listen to anyone who tells you that the baby your carrying isn't the most natural, justified and one of the biggest blessings you could receive because if they say anything other than that they are lying!!

[ella79]

hi celtic moon!

sorry to hear that some people are being less than enthusiastic (or downright rude) about your pregnancy. on the whole, most of our friends and family have been very happy for us. there are a few exceptions (and one of them is one of my best friends, so that is upsetting), but in each of those cases, i think it's more a reflection of them being unhappy with something in their own life rather than anything to do with yours... although she hasn't said anything, i think that my close friend who has been less than enthusiastic about my pregnancy may actually be having problems trying to conceive herself at the moment (she's a very private person and wouldn't tell me this, but i got the impression last year that she was starting to try, and haven't heard any announcements yet), so although i'm upset that she's not very interested in my PG, if she is indeed having trouble conceiving then i can understand that it would break her heart to see me accidentally fall pregnant... some of my other friends, the type who say "you're too young, you're life is over, what are you doing?" are just a bit worried that they're being left behind - they're the ones who are insecure about themselves, and i think a bit envious of the fact that i'm in a long term relationship, happy, and now pregnant...
i know it's hard (especially in the case of a good friend), but try to ignore all the negative reactions - they're purely a result of that person's hangups, and nothing to do with you (although they would have you think otherwise!!)... enjoy the pregnancy and spend time around the people who are excited about the little miracle inside you (which are the majority of people afterall!)...

[Jacqui]

When I fell pregnant with my first baby my best friend of ten years, actually rang and abused me for falling pregnant. As she had been trying and another friend had been trying and both had no luck. I was newly married at the time (which doesnt matter) but she told me I was showing everyone up by falling pregnant. She also said that my sister-in-law who had been trying unsuccessfully would now ignore any children I had, and would find it hard to come to family functions etc.

Now almost 9 years since then, I have moved on. I was devestated at the time that my best friend could do this, however now I am probably better off to be rid of a negative friend. My sister-in-law loves me and my children and the friend was using her as something to drive me down.

I remember being so upset that people thought I was going to miscarry.

Moral of my story. My friend and I eventually tried to rebuild a friendship but the trust and love had gone. I have now got a whole new base of friends which I have met through my children and socially. And you will too.

That kind of negative anti=pregnancy crap, needs to be told hey its your loss, becuase where you lose one b"""" you find another 3 true friends in my opinion.

Chin up. And stick to the ones who love you for you!

[~Debbie~]

When I fell pregnant with my first baby my best friend of ten years, actually rang and abused me for falling pregnant. As she had been trying and another friend had been trying and both had no luck. I was newly married at the time (which doesnt matter) but she told me I was showing everyone up by falling pregnant. She also said that my sister-in-law who had been trying unsuccessfully would now ignore any children I had, and would find it hard to come to family functions etc.

When i read this - my first thought - WTF? Seriously?????
How can anyone think that....by gosh - shame on you hey. I would of slapped her.

And CM - If your friends think those sorts of things, then they are not your friends, and you are better of finding out now then later. I know that, as we go thru these stages in our lives where old friends drop off, it does hurt, but, move forward, take comfort in your true friends.

[Adnil]

I think it's disappointing that your friend is putting her morals onto you. It's not her business. At all.

I would move one (as hard as it can be) & surround yourself with the positive people that are coming around you. It's great that you have old friends rekindling friendships. Stay around positive people!!

[LadyRaven]

Thank you for your words of comfort I think it was mostly shock it wasn't really a reaction you'd expect! I talked to her for about 3 hours explaining the situation, she said she doesn't hate me for what i've done but she is disappointed and hoped for better for me in life because she loves me and feels I've taken a step backwards in life. I said I understand that these are her views but I am happy and its not the babies fault its coming early in my life and who the dad is and we are both happy for a bubsie in our lives. She is still very upset she was in tears I'm not worrying myself about it though I said if she wants to still be apart of my life that is great but if not I can understand that she has to do some "moral soul searching" for a while. Really I don't care now what she does I'm pretty sure she won't talk to me again but hey its her loss if she doesnt want to be in bubbies life.

I can understand those who have had a bad reaction out of jealousy. I was living with some friends when I first found out I was pregnant as we couldnt find a house that would allow indoor animals in our price range. The couple I was with had been trying to fall pregnant for two years (shes 19, hes 45) and she said that she was jealous, was ****ed off and I had two months to get the hell out. They are still sort of speaking to me, one of my aunties was a little icy she tried but had a m/c but do have one daughter. I think you are 100% right ella, its their own unhappiness and insecurities in life that cause ppl to act like this.

It just sort of shows who your true friends are, I really thought my one and only life long friend would hate me for life she completely disowned another friend of hers in the same situation (mind you we were all 16 at the time) but shes all excited and 100% supportive of me. Then the one I think will be supportive says my bubs is "morally wrong" go figure! lol

I'm so glad for the most part ppl have a good supportive network, I know I'll make new friends with birthing of bubs and mummies groups etc, its just sort of a rude shock, like I said, when people do react so completely negatively against something so natural and beautiful I get all defensive because they are taking it out on not only me but my baby saying they cant be in our lives.

I told a new uni friend of mine yesterday, I was really worried telling her because she wants kids so badly (no partner yet shes 27 but is scared the clock is ticking), she admited that she was jealous but she is very happy for me and wants to be there for me the whole way. she said the jealousy is her own problem and its not me or bubbers fault for that, which I thought was very mature and nice she could admit it but still handle it well, I still dont really want to talk to her about much tho because I dont want to seem Im rubbing it in her face.

Now Im sort of scared to tell the rest of my friends, I know if I lose them then they werent really my friends to begin with, but its still very hurtful. Maybe I should just put a blog on myspace and wait for the "WTF???" phone calls and emails to come flooding in! LMAO

[LadyRaven]

Thank you mum2bee, it was just a bit of a rude shock at the time and very hurtful to hear someone thought my baby was immoral! I've been trying to get a hold of the local mum-to-be-and-beyond group but the phone never gets answered grr my mum said she made a lot of friends that way and through ppl at work who were also preggers

[Aranah]

I was talking about this to someone yesterday, about people that think they have the right to openly cast judgement over another's life.

One person in my life who I used to be close to had the perfect life. Pretty girl, beautiful figure, 2 lovely girls, an immaculate and brand new house fitted out with furniture I can only dream of having, a husband that dotes on them all and works to support them, 3 cars and their own sucessful business. This person was younger than me. But when things went wrong in my life, this person judged me very harshly, judged the way I handled things, judged my mental state (I'd had a breakdown), and really was at me about things. They even got personally involved and contacted my counsellor to try and find things out! I had backed off from this person, and didn't invite any meddling in my life from her, she actually knew very little about the situation but chose to get herself involved and try and cause problems. She quoted Dr Phil at me so many times, saying Dr Phil says you should do it this way, not that way. I said to her, you come back when you are in the same situation and then you will have the right to judge me, how you think I should handle it, because I can tell you, it's easy having eveyrthing go right and the perfect life and look down on others about situations that you couldn't dream of.
Her response was 'it will NEVER happen to me, because I am better than that and wouldn't let it'.

Well, a few years later, I have heard the very thing has indeed happened to her and now she faces losing everything, just like I did and have to make some tough choices. And guess what? She's handling it way worse than I did, cutting people off left right and centre for saying anything wrong at all, being selfish, using her children as weapons, etc. Wonder what Dr Phil would say about that?

hehe my long point is that people that sit up and judge you and judge others often have never gone through a similar thing, often have had very good lives and don't realize what pain and suffering is, don't know what hardship is. I have been to the brink of death and back in a number of ways, I have lost everything material, I have even not had enough money to eat for long periods of time.....and I wouldn't do anything different or take it back. It's made me a much better person and I almost feel sorry for these 'perfect' people who really have never grown inside and also if something ever did happen to them, they have not developed the abilities to cope like those of us that have experienced hard things have.

So pity them, you will come out the stronger person!

[LadyRaven]

Thank you Tara seems what comes around goes around! My friend was raised in very contained and controlled environment she was pretty much the cook, cleaner and parent to her parents. Just shows how different environments can still breed the same sort of judgemental ppl. You are right though in the end when things do go wrong they won't have life experience and "morals" to save them. Until getting preg I've regularly gone without food when money is very tight so that working partners can still get enough to keep going to work *comfort hugs*. It's all good though at the end of it i wouldnt trade my life experiences for anything.