Firstly, you so deserve to be a mum!
and.. I thought the same with regards to the 'wtf do i do now' thing. But really, you'll find things to do. I know I find stuff to do.. cleaning, playing with baby, catching up on rest, feeding baby, settling baby - Claire keeps me pretty busy , but there are times where I do really just sit there and do nothing. I also go out for a nice walk each day too (with Claire of course) and this kills time. For me its important to just get out of the house for a while each day so I dont go insane... Will you go insane - maybe, its hard to say. I really think its a personality thing. I have a friend who had her baby just before Xmas and being at home drove her insane so she went back to work when her son was 6 weeks old... Other people are quite happy to be SAHM. I sometimes feel like I am going a bit insane. I mean, I love being at home with Claire, but sometimes you have bad days and just need a break, kwim? But if your DP is happy to support you whatever you choose to do, then that is great. I know it would be a bit stressful for me to go back to work full time. I jst dont like the idea of Claire being with someone else all day every day just yet. My hubby has to work too obvisouly. I'd love for him to be at home sometimes but I know we need to get the $ to live somehow.
Will you cope? Probably, you seem like a very mature, capable and intelligent woman. I dont know where you are located (your location description is a bit too cryptic for me lol!) ... but where I am, I can always find a neighbour who is at home.. so if I need help (god forbit something should go wrong) I can knock on a door and ask for help (the nice neighbours of course not the freaks). Are you friends with any neighbours who could help you? Are you planning on going to a mothers group if theres one nearby? I joined a great mothers group and we shared all our phone numbers and regularly get together and do stuff. You can always call the local child health nurse too if you need help - well I can anyway so I assume you would be able too as well. Theres plenty of community support available if you have trouble.