Scared of being a SAHM with bubs

[LadyRaven]

Having a fight about something completely unrelated I broke down into tears from many things and one of them was that I didn't want Dad2be to go to work IF Ryan is born happy and healthy and to be in a house alone with him all day. Not that I don't love him or want him just worried about things going wrong, about just sitting there looking at him going "wtf do I do now?", and what if something goes wrong or happens while DAD2BE ISN'T there (sorry a typo of course I'll be there lmao), will he be ok, will I be able to cater to his needs, will I go insane?

I'll probably be a SAHM or work part time but I was really anxious and panicky about it. Obviously Dad2be has to go to work and I can't live at my parents (they're an hr and a half away) or have mum stay with me that's stupid and not viable I'm an adult and hopefully going to be a mum, I feel really immature and embarassed and that I don't deserve to be a mum. Just wondering if anyone else got stressed before hand? Did you cope fine afterwards?

[nickel]

hooo yeah! Totally thought I would be completely BORED! and all the stuff you said.
I surprised myself by how much I loved my baby but I still really liked working part-time.
You should be so lucky as to get a moment where you get to say to yourself "W-T-F do I do now?" I found myself busy all day, everything takes 3-4 times longer with a baby. If you used to get out of the house in 20 minutes, it will now probably take you an hour or so, provided the baby hasn't done an exploding poo and covered themselves in poo as you walk out the door (yep. that happened to me, and there was another hour gone in dealing with the mess).
You also spend an inordinate amount of time just staring at your baby, and being a bit fascinated by everything they do!

Anyway, you'll never know how you will feel until you have your baby. There are plenty of opportunities to get yourself out there and relate to other people via. playgroups, mother's groups, parks, beaches, gyms, hairdressers, and even coffee shops (everyone loves a baby and you can NEVER sit in peace as everyone wants to talk to you) .

You will be an amazing mum, whether you stay at home or not, just wait and make the decision when your baby arrives. It may be that you are a better mum if you work part or full time and that is totally fine. The best thing for your baby is for you to be happy and healthy. Happy Mummy = happy family.

No stress, if you love your baby then your are 99% there however you live your life.

[Karina]

Firstly, you so deserve to be a mum!
and.. I thought the same with regards to the 'wtf do i do now' thing. But really, you'll find things to do. I know I find stuff to do.. cleaning, playing with baby, catching up on rest, feeding baby, settling baby - Claire keeps me pretty busy , but there are times where I do really just sit there and do nothing. I also go out for a nice walk each day too (with Claire of course) and this kills time. For me its important to just get out of the house for a while each day so I dont go insane... Will you go insane - maybe, its hard to say. I really think its a personality thing. I have a friend who had her baby just before Xmas and being at home drove her insane so she went back to work when her son was 6 weeks old... Other people are quite happy to be SAHM. I sometimes feel like I am going a bit insane. I mean, I love being at home with Claire, but sometimes you have bad days and just need a break, kwim? But if your DP is happy to support you whatever you choose to do, then that is great. I know it would be a bit stressful for me to go back to work full time. I jst dont like the idea of Claire being with someone else all day every day just yet. My hubby has to work too obvisouly. I'd love for him to be at home sometimes but I know we need to get the $ to live somehow.
Will you cope? Probably, you seem like a very mature, capable and intelligent woman. I dont know where you are located (your location description is a bit too cryptic for me lol!) ... but where I am, I can always find a neighbour who is at home.. so if I need help (god forbit something should go wrong) I can knock on a door and ask for help (the nice neighbours of course not the freaks). Are you friends with any neighbours who could help you? Are you planning on going to a mothers group if theres one nearby? I joined a great mothers group and we shared all our phone numbers and regularly get together and do stuff. You can always call the local child health nurse too if you need help - well I can anyway so I assume you would be able too as well. Theres plenty of community support available if you have trouble.

[visitor1]

I doubt myself before Chelsea was born and then again once she was here....but it comes naturally. I do ask DH 'should i do this' 'should i do that' but thats only cos i like the reassurance. I think being a SAHM the best job in the world.....!!

[Lucy]

You'll be amazed when you have your baby in your arms how the instinct of being a Mum kicks in. I promise.

I went through a very similar thing to you, and half terrified myself. I had never held a baby before, until I held my own. I had NFI, in theory. But when she popped out, a whole load of protective things kicked in. (Looking back, the first few months were bedlam, but we did OK!)

I am still amazed to this day over how a little babies cry can spur you into immediate action.......the hormones and the hard-wired instincts are a very clever thing!

At the hospital where you are planning on giving birth: do they run ante-natal classes? That is a good way to start your support network.......gather as much info from as many people as you can before your baby is even born! (And as you go on, you will realise that everyone has advice to give, and that you can "pick & choose" which advice will work for you and your baby!)

I am 99% sure that in NSW the MCHN system offers, to all new mums, some form of classes for new parents, where you go along each week for a few hours: this enables them to run sessions on settling/sleep/baby massage etc etc, and the main benefit of this (for me) was that it enables you to meet 15 or so other new Mums with babies the same age as yours who live in the local area. Once the "official" classes are complete, you'll find everyone swaps phone numbers and continues on with the Mummy Group..........

(I have to say that pre-babies I found the idea of this abhorrent for me, but I have made THE best friends for life from my Mummies group and they have been an invaluable source of friendship and advice and support: it amazes me!).

I remember when my DH went back to work after Olivia was born. I was in a panic. BUT, in just one day I realised that I did know what to do, and that I loved, just loved, being with my baby girl:just me and her. And of course my confidence grew. I am sure the same will happen for you!

Not sure if any of that helps any? Don't stress!!

[Janie]

I love being at home, and I certainly don't find myself with any free time on my hands (apart from what I spend on here ). There's always something to do, and if there's not, I like to just sit and cuddle Nicholas! I do think that I might start to go a bit insane dwon the track, but I do plan on going back to work PT, just not yet. Maybe at the end of the year? We'll just wait and see. I would probably be more relaxed if I didn't have a broken foot, which means I can't go anywhere on my own and won't be able to for another couple of months.

I'm sure you will be fine once bubs has arrived. TBH, I thought that I would want lots of help around me, but the days I love best are when it's just me and Nicky at home all day together . It really is so lovely, such a special time, I'm sure you'll love it!

[{sarah}]

OMG absolutely. I wasn't worried about birth at all, I was just worried about what on earth I was going to do when we got home. I mean I'd never been around a newborn other than when I was five years old LOL!

It's such a huge adjustment to go through & you know what.... If you go into being a first time mum cautiously not thinking you know everything there is to know, then I think you'll be fine. I worry more about people that think everything is going to be easy as once they get their first baby home, that's just not realistic IMO.

[LadyRaven]

The first week or so I'll be at my parents house, it's just the imagery in my mind of the trip driving home and then Dad2be going to work on the Monday and then the house is quiet and empty and then SCREAMING BABY, what do I do, how do I figure out what he wants, what if he just won't stop crying etc if my mum or grandparents or friends are all busy and can't help me and Dad2be has left his mobile in the car. He promises he'll have his mobile on him 24/7 and will answer no matter what he's doing but I don't want to get him in trouble at work or anything.

Yes my mum said if I wasn't in a panic and was being all ****y know-it-all about it then she'd be worried and would also laugh when I did get bubs home. She was terrified of me but she was with my nanna then nan had me for the first 11 years of my life and nan knew what to do she was from a big family and mum is one of 3.

If I get a job will be part time only so we can afford to do nice things or have a nice meal out a fortnight and save for car rego's and such a bit easier so we can afford any sudden vet bills or a sudden high electricity or telephone bill etc so we can afford to save up for a new kitchen etc.

I love little bubs in the making already, seeing his little face and eyes at the ultrasound and can feel him move around all the time I can't wait to have him to cuddle and love just thinking about all the above is very scary..

[kungfubecca]

you will be fine, and there are heaps of people you can call and there is here that you can vent etc.

My sister offered to do some baby sitting when I go back to work. (she has 2 littel girls) and says to me if you have a boy I won't know what to do. I was like neither will I

We are all in the same boat. Even child care workers that around babies lots still have some struggles and fears at the start.

[paradise lost]

Hi,

I'm a single SAHM and it really does work out fine. Sure there are days (like yesterday) when 50 things go wrong and you end up in despair, but you just think, "tomorrow it'll be better" and it is.

There's always loads to do with a baby around (washing, cleaning, picking up dvd's she's posted under the sofa, washing lol) and they're so funny and great. For me i found getting out and about was quicker when i could chuck her in the wrap and BF her in it when we were out, than now, when she needs the buggy and proper food provision etc. But now we can do more "together" things and she gets a big kick out of stuff like the museums etc. When i get a moment to relax i come here, or read, or do the dishes.

The best thing about my job is that no matter how demanding and unreasonable my boss is i love her with all my heart and soul and i know she loves me too. I really feel like i'm part of something incredibly important, teaching her and loving her and raising her, which i never felt about my job (especially on a bad day in the office!). My motivation to do better never quits and what little money i have i want to spend on and with her. The love i felt for her when i was PG was like perfect flower bud, the love i feel now is like a glorious garden. Anyone who worries about things like you are is going to be a BRILLIANT mumma.

Bec

[LadyRaven]

Thank you for the words of encouragement I keep trying to tell myself that people are made new mummies every day and everyone stumbles at first and I can make it too. Well that's what I try and tell myself anyway it's my 'staying sane' mantra lol.

I was looking at photos of birth before and what area bubs fits through and how it comes out and I'm not sure whether the birth or taking Ryan home is scarying me the most at the moment, even Dad2be let out some superlatives at the photos and is being all sooky over me atm. I keep telling myself my body is built to do that but it can't seem to take much comfort in it. I just hope he comes out ok . Maybe ignorance is bliss lol

[Patooties]

Hi Celtic - from your original post, i read it that you're concerned about knowing what to do with your baby, not how you will fill in your day - is that right?
I'm onto my third now, but don't worry - those thoughts still go through my head. Seems strange i know, but every child is different. I guess my advice would be if your bub is crying - try feeding, changing nappies or clothing, or just cuddling. They usually cry because something is wrong - but i am sure after a little while you will be able to work out why he is crying. Having a good support network around will be of help as well. I used to go to the child health visits armed with a huge list of questions.
You can always get lots of support here on bellybelly
i'm sure you will be a wonderful mummy

[LadyRaven]

Yes my days are going to be full especially if we get this house I'm going to try and be a handy woman! (See how long that motivation lasts..).

I can just see myself staring at a screaming upset bubby after trying a million things thinking "wtf do I do now?" and probably joining him for a cry lol

[shazbails]

Hey Mum2be. Did anyone get stressed beforehand?? Question should be "is there anyone in the world who didn't get stressed beforehand?" You know what I thought was the best thing about being home on your own. Doesn't matter how many times you screw up, nobody is any the wiser...... that little blue bundle isn't going to tell anyone you dropped a nappy full of poo on the carpet!
Ignorance is bliss.... I refused to read anything other than the Kaz Cooke book, figured if I don't know about it, I can't worry about it.....

[alimuma]

Phew, glad i'm not the only one feeling this way! I've started making contact with other mums to be through my pre natal yoga class and local BaBs group and I think this will help a lot with the transition.