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Thread: Scared at thought of another..anyone else feel this way?

  1. #1

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    Question Scared at thought of another..anyone else feel this way?

    First I hope this is the right place....please move if needed.

    DH & I want 2 kids and we always wanted to have them fairly close together...we are always told being close in age is good, etc & so on.

    Thing is Charlie is now 15months old & the thought of having another baby scares the pants off me for so many reasons...to the point that I get anxious just thinking about it. Is this normal LOL (what is normal) - has anyone else felt this way?



    Now that I know what happens in labour etc I'm very scared of what can go wrong, even though first time round it was all fine. Before it was the unknown & now it's the known.

    Charlie is not a great sleeper & things were very tough in the first few months. We don't live near any family & some times I don't handle things the best. I've actually been thinking I would just love to spoil Charlie & have no more kids...but I would love him to have a playmate. We've been talking about trying again soon as the gap now will be at least 2yrs provided all went well..........but I'm just to scared to start.

  2. #2

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    I was in the same boat as you - knew the benefits etc - but was scared like crazy. It does pass. Maybe you might need to review your spacing a little to allow yourself a bit more time.

    Best of luck!

  3. #3

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    YES!!!!

    And I still am most days

    Thing is I am actually glad that I am pg and that I am going to be "finished" with my family this early and that the kids are going to be so close together. That does not mean that I am not scared. I am scared of the birth (having a c/s - again - long story), scared that this one is also prem, scared that this one is also a little colic "angel", scared that this one is big and I won't know how to handle a big baby (!?!?!?!), scared that I won't be able to cope with two kids, seeing that DD is STILL NOT SLEEPING THOUGHT!!!! UGGHGHGH.
    But I think it's normal. Someone told me once that your first baby you have because you like the idea ( I don't realy know how to explain this) but you are not aware of what you are getting yourself into, kwim, so it's chasing the dream, your second baby is an informed choice. Scared or not, only you and your partner can make that choice.
    I still most days think I was nuts getting pg again so soon, but just this weekend I held a gf's baby and .... I can't wait for my bundle of joy ... or hell ... whatever ... I can't wait!!!

    Goodluck with the mindstruggel!!

  4. #4

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    Yep, Erin, I'm scared *****less! We hadn't planned on our babies so close together, I mean 2 under 16mths....that's insane! But that's where we are and I guess that's where we're meant to be. When you are ready and the time is right then it will happen. I truely believe that. And you'll be right. You do what you have to. And to me, the hardest part was over after 12mths. These 12mths have really flown. If it all goes so quickly with this one, then it'll be getting easier before I know it!!That's what I keep on telling myself anyway .

  5. #5

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    Kel!! That is what I keep telling myself too!!! They have to get 18 years old someday!!

  6. #6

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    Default I def know what you mean

    My girls will be 4 years apart. Main reason for me being so scared was the reaction i would get from DD#1 about having another sibling to compete with for attention. At first she was great, but now shes gone ferrel, it could be that shes just having a little brat time but i honestly think its got alot to do with me being pregnant and being so excited about another baby. Don't get me wrong, she is excited about having a sister but i think shes starting to realise more everyday what it means not to be an only child anymore.
    Hope im not scaring you cause it was not my intention at all, honestly i kinda wish i had a 2nd earlier, shes already had so long being an only child, whereas if she was 2 then i think she would handle it a little differently, maybe not understand it as well but not be so jealous about it.
    I'm glad i didnt wait the original 10yrs between them as i planned. lol.

    I'm sure you'll cope fine with 2 kids, i have my doubts everyday but i think it will actually be a little easier this time around because i know what to expect more.

    Good luck.

  7. #7

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    while my gap is 5 years and 2 months-ish.. i have been worried bout the unknown 2nd time around, i had a pretty great birth (altho still have some questions)
    when DD was under 2 the thought of another one scared the pants of me too!
    DD is really looking forward to a new bro/sis, i regret in someways of having a big gap.. but then we put it off due to trying to get healthier, interstate move away from family & time to settle.. so in the end its good timing for us.. however it will be nice to have DD at school next year and while she is at school i can give more focused attention to the then 6month old without upseting DD.

  8. #8

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    I wouldn't worry about people telling you the right gap to have and that it's easier one way or another. If you're not up for it, don't do it yet. No drama having a gap (ok, so Im pro gap, my eldest is 10, second 2.5 and Im pregnant...just). My sister has two very close. I don't see either as right or wrong, but I have found it amazing having the gap and that's why I wanted DD2 to be at least 3 when we had another, I just couldnt' do it closer together.
    It's your call, don't feel pressured by anyone. When you feel less anxious about it, you'll know the time is right .xoxo

  9. #9

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    i know how you feel too.
    i always thought i'd want my kids really close in age, but circumstances have led to a three year gap (not that far i know!) i still wonder if i will cope, tho it's abit late now! but i've come to believe that things do have an element of fate involved and that this is how its supposed to be. i just keep telling myself that i know more now about what to expect, the good and not so good, and i look at my boy and i know that we are making another little person to love in the amazing way we love him and he loves us.

    ps sorry, having an emotional pg moment there!

  10. #10

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    oh i go through times of sheer panic and think "what have i got myself into !!!" but it does pass and thoughts and feelings change ...

    situations change too ... before i fell pg with this one i was having a period of anxitey and panic attacks and was in a really dark place ... dh wanted a bub and i was scared out of my mind ... in my eyes it was only ever going to be DS ...


    but now after some counselling and getting better , one day i felt i was just ready ... it all fell into place .... and now im looking forward to another babe .... (excpet for the times i freak out )

    realax , you will get to have your 2 kids ... weather its now or in 4 yrs time ..... its totally up to you and dh , you will both find a right time .... dont rush it if it doesnt feel right !!

  11. #11

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    Thanks for the replies guys...nice to know I'm not the only one. We already know we want at least a 2year gap & having just bought a house a couple days ago & looking into selling another etc I think we will just sit on it for a while til we are in a place where we feel comfortable with the decision.
    Gap or not much gap it's a little brother or sister & having another child is what matters I guess...not when.

  12. #12

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    My first age gap was 2 yrs - my son being 2 when DD was born was too young to remember being an only child and I am lucky in that they are now really great little mates and play well together - so far

    They are both looking forward to this one - 5.5 yrs for DS and 3.5 yrs for DD - we were aiming for another 2 - 3 year gap, but didn't work out that way. When we were preg last year (missed m/c) my DD was still an awful sleeper, but for some reason around Christmas a switch turned on and finally she is good - so fate we think

    I have a friend who has just had another bub with her DD at 5.5 and her DD is having a hard time acceptance of the crying, time away from her and all the usual things.

    Really depends on your kids I think - they are all so very different.

  13. #13

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    Hey Erin,
    Firstly congrats on the house!!!
    Secondly, i think you'll know when your ready.
    good luck...from a girl whos brain cant find the words!!

    Love melissa

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