Yummy Mummy phenomena?

[expat]

I've put on about 14 kgs in this pregnancy and I have 6½ weeks to go....this is mind you after saying I would not put on one gram over 12!!!

I think there is a lot of pressure to 'recover' your old body in a hurry after the pregnancy and one person I'm feeling it from more than anyone unfortunately is DF. We have a number of good friends who have been back in their pre-preg jeans 2-4 weeks after the birth and some who have ended up with better boddies after breastfeeding has sucked all the excess fat off them so DF has this strange idea that that's just the way it is and I have to fit into that mould. I've not really felt the pressure from other sources or from myself though and as long as I remind myself that DF is an unreasonable twit (in the sweetest possible way!!) then I'm fine.

I may stir up a few enemies in saying this but I don't think getting pregnant or BFing is an excuse to just let yourself go either. You still have to have some pride in your appearance and attempt to run a brush through your hair from time to time. I remember going to a mum and me thing one day and there was a mother of a small baby (I guess about 4 months) who arrived with totally mismatched socks, too short tracksuit pants with no elastic, a top with spit up all over it, hair all over the place and eyebrows that hadn't been attended to in a looooong time!! Whilst it's unreasonable to be a picture of elegance all the time, I think at least a little effort is called for if you're leaving the house. It's amazing what a clean top, combed hair and a slick of mascara can do and it doesn't have to take more than 1 minute.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

You know what? I did the whole "yummy mummy" thing: the small breasts (boo, the comment I got from most people on announcing the pregnancy was "oooh, you'll get boobs now"), the "perfect" bump, the clinging clothes, good hair, good skin... and no compliments! My DH still found the bump to be a big turn-off!

I was zipping up my pre-preg skinny jeans 3 days post birth (and didn't struggle - though the portion sizes they served up in hospital probably helped, I had to get two main courses some nights!), only gained a stone from conception and am out and about, but it doesn't mean you don't still have the body issues, you just have people thinking you're evil! I still have a flabby tum, not a rock-solid flat one, have spots, am still waiting for that episiotomy and bruising to heal, get frustrated and upset with myself if I don't have myself and DS up and dressed by 9am - even if I won't buy the designer clothes - DS is a very fussy feeder and slightly colicy, DH possibly has PND... basically, it's just the luck of the draw and if you don't have "problems" (or perceived problems) in one area you may well have them in another. (Just to mention, DH is gutted I still have a huge linea nigra, but I love it the most, like proof I was pregnant when everyone glares and tells me I don't *look* like I had a baby less than 3 weeks ago... just like I didn't *look* that pregnant when I was overdue then?) Judging someone for their body just isn't on, be it because they balloon in pregnancy or because they don't. All pregnant women are beautiful and who cares what the daft "celebrities" look like? They all have implants, should we get them too? They probably have surgeons and girdles crafting their bumps, either that or thy hide away for the entire pregnancy.

(Oh, and I had huge issues with my body whilst pregnant because I didn't look like anyone else around me and people kept not noticing I was pg, even at 7 months, so was very happy when people bought me pregnancy magazines because at least they had photos of people I looked like... or would look like if I ever spent £500/$1200+ on a dress I couldn't wear most of the time and spent a good 30 minutes doing my face.)

[monnie]

Ryn...it's so interesting that you had the same problems, at the other end of the continuum...it's just awful...

I guess it's sort of my point...there's this incredibly narrow line of what "pregnant" should look like these days...not too big, not too small...the bump has to be this perfect size...not too wide, not too long, not too whatever...and those who don't fit within that narrow line (and there's not that many of us who do), are left dealing with these horrible body image issues...I always thought that pregnancy would be the time I could escape these issues...

If it was just celebrities, it wouldn't be so bad...I can't stand them...what I'm finding though is the "yummy mummy" phenomena has truly infiltrated into our society...especially in the more affluent sectors...

Although we're not wealthy, we have quite a few friends that are doing very well...and it's those guys (and the suburbs where they live) who I think are living proof of the pressures of being a yummy mummy...and unfortunately that pressure is being passed on to all...

I was at a party tonight...and overheard this awful comment that just made me cringe...

This guy was pointing at friend of mine (who had a baby about 10 months ago)...I heard him say "she looks like she has stacked on the weight...I wouldn't have even recognised her...what's caused it?"

Just awful...she just obviously hasn't lost her "baby fat" quick enough for his liking!

[Sair]

I would say I definitly put the effort in most days 5-7 a week with blowdrying my hair then straightening it and doing the whole makeup thing, hell I still paint my toenails (with great difficulty) and I always wear a skirt or dress that is fitted. I have not once made the effort to cut down on food, I eat easily twice as much pregnant than pre pregnancy, I have my mothers metabolism to thank for the lack of weight gain though. I don't do my whole getting ready routine to fullfill this whole yummy mummy thing though. I do it so I feel good about myself. There are so many other women in town due around the same time as me and I am sure they don't all put the excess effort into their looks like I do; but I think they all look equally as gorgeous. Pregnancy is meant to be beautiful no matter what you look like or your size or the effort you put in. So enjoy the time and if it makes you feel better to get dolled up everyday then do it but if you feel comfortable as you are then do that too! Don't be guided by other peoples ideals. Everyone is a yummy mummy.

[bella02]

I agree with everyone's thought here but also take a slightly different view on this issue - probably because it helps me sleep at night!!

I see the word "yummy mummy" as a woman who is either pregnant or has a child to whom you can see there is a special bond that no-one else other than a mother can understand. What makes them "yummy" is not their physical appearance but the way they communicate to world their happiness at being or about to be a mother. When I see a mother holding her child and each staring into each others face - I see true beauty!

[~Debbie~]

I was a size 16 pre preg - and 178cm tall. Have so far put on 7 - 8 kg. Am mostly happy with my gain, now that i have accepted it.
I was 90kg before preg, and was trying to get to 85. It has been 7 years since i have weighed more then 95kg. Used to be about 120kg.
I wanted to be one of those preg peoples, skinny all over, and a basketball at the front, but, unfortuntaly, genetics play abit of a role in things.
But, DH, loves me as i am, and i am healthy, and baby is healthy, so, thats what counts.
Having had body issues all my life, maybe just used to looking a pictures of people that i wish i could look like. But, reality is, they are models, skinny as, and air brushed to the max. No one can compete with that. We are all different, and, at the end of the day, as long as you are happy and healthy, then, thats the main thing.

[Phteven]

I've resigned myself to the fact that my body will never be the same as it was pre-baby (I'm 3 years older for a start lol) but now I have 2 little boys who think I'm the most beautiful woman on earth. A couple of stretchmarks, a few extra kilos and some extra skin on my tummy are a small price to pay for the kind of love that babies bring into your life.

[~Debbie~]

Expat - just read your comment RE: making that bit of effort.
I do agree with that. Doesnt matter where you are in life, or in the social chain. Doesnt take much more effort to put on matching socks, comb your hair, and have clean top on. (Admittly, bubs may have different ideas on the cleanliness of your top !) but, no matter what my weight is now, or later, it doesnt mean that i cant take pride in my personal appearance. Just might mean that it takes me abit longer, and i might end up doing things differently to now - but, it still can be done.
Ryn - interesting to read the yummy mummy story from your side. The grass is always greener on the other side i guess. I forget that there is the other side, and whilst i am worring about putting on to much weight, someone else is worring about not putting on enough.

[AnyDream]

Hi I just want to put a word in for the unyummy mummies you see in their trackpants with baby spit on their tops. Perhaps these women are not coping. I for one could not get dressed and out the door before midday, had ZERO family support (newly moved to the town three months before DD was born) and in hindsight had a pretty terrible case of post traumatic stress disorder. I'm fairly sure that having immaculately blow dried hair wasn't a big priority there for about a year of my life. Instead of criticising, how about we all show some compassion. That might be the only sign that woman is displaying that things are terrible and she is slowly drowning at home.

[kungfubecca]

HI I have to agree with you all.

I lost 15kg, gradually over about 2 years. Everyone else thought I was doing it for me, I guess in a way I was but i also wanted to do it to have kids.
I wasn't happy weighing 78kg and being 5ft 2. So far i have gained 1 kg per month and i feel good. I don't really care how much I gain, and i managed to loose it once i can do it again.

i expected coments about gaining weight again after loosing so much, but I didn't get any. Plus who really cares as long as bubs is ok,

saying that at the same time, I like to go out in public reasonably neat and clean, don't give a rats about makeup, but I would always have an outfit that matched. And I think after being stuck with only a bubs to talk to most of the time, I'd be relishing the chance to get all gussied up.

[Fee]

One of the things I believe doesn't help is pregnant models. I looked nothing like them when pregnant but of course they are all models who are pregnant. They don't look like regular women when not pregnant so of course they aren't going to look like regular women when pregnant.

So those women in those mags and other women who are that size - are they not "regular" women???

[Phteven]

Marydean, thanks for the reminder not to be too judgemental of other mums who are looking less than yummy. It's all too easy for us to criticise, reaching out can be a bit harder.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

So those women in those mags and other women who are that size - are they not "regular" women???

Nope - nor are we "real". Apparently, "real" women are 5'1 tall and size 12-26. Size 26 and 5'1? That's diet time, not shopping time! That's a pet peeve of mine, especially in shop windows, because no-one caters for the women almost 6' tall and a size 8 (American 4)... well, they do, but who wants to pay £1000 for a dress when "real" women can get a tent - I mean dress - for £20?

This is why I love fashion magazines, it makes me feel like my body is normal. This is why I'm even loving having a bit of a belly now!

[expat]

Mary, I hear what you're saying about those women looking like crud cos they feel like crud but I honestly think it's a vicious cycle. I feel like crud when I haven't had my hair cut for 6 months and my eyebrows are out of control but it's amazing what a pick me up it is to groom yourself a little and feel good about the way you look. Being a yummy mummy is to me more about looking like you can pull it all together and have some pride in the way you present yourself and less about what clothes size you wear. True, it is easier to present an elegant picture of yourself at a size 8 rather than a 16 but body shape only go so far, grooming can do a lot for you.


I had a friend in highschool who was a typical little Calabrese chickie! Her parents and siblings were all short and 'rounded' yet I never went over there and saw anything less than perfection in their presentation of their house and themselves. They took pride in their presentation and worked the best they could with their genes. I had another friend whose family was the total picture of what Hitler wanted for Germany...tall, arian, athletic and gorgeous, yet they obviously didn't give a squat about their presentation, there were always huge piles of papers everywhere, the garden was a mess, the sofa was more dog hair than uphostery and I don't think I ever saw a clean floor in that place...and I was there a fair bit in my school days!

If you look at potential to look like a picture of perfection, the 2nd family obbiously had a head start, yet their attitude to their presentation was lacking and it showed.

It's the same on an individual level, you can have as much natural beauty as you like and do nothing with it and be nothing special or you can show the world that you respect yourself and like to be the best you can be and it counts for a lot more IMHO.

[Melbo]

Marydean, I agree ... one never knows what another's situation is like. And for all we know, we could be looking at someone who appears perfectly groomed and yet isn't coping either!

[Janie]

Marydean, I agree ... one never knows what another's situation is like. And for all we know, we could be looking at someone who appears perfectly groomed and yet isn't coping either!

Well said Melbo! I'm sure I fail miserably, but I always try to make an effort not to be critical of others in this regard, you never know what a person is going through.

[SallyJ]

Hmm, I agree that there is too much pressure to look a certain way when you are pg, but - I don't have a problem with the term "yummy mummy" itself - to me it means that just because I am a mum doesn't mean I am not still a woman, and I can still be attractive. I like to wear nice clothes, and I absolutely hated the clothes I had to wear during pregnancy the first and second times (which were 8 and 6 years ago respectively). The clothes and options are heaps better now, even nappy bags are attractive instead of being boring navy blue.

[LizzysMum]

I went through all this with my first as well

I am also not a small person (14) and with my first I had comments from my boss, my mother in law and a wedding photographer. I cried all times.

I was so proud that I only put on 9kg over the whole time and then they had to be rude. My MIL's comment was "look at that bum you are definitely having a boy!" I was completely devestated (I had a girl :P) I was a bridesmaid when I was 7 months and the photographer said something like "don't worry I won't show your belly too much". In the group shot on the beach I was on the end and sort of half cut off.

This time they can all go and kiss my fat a***!!