I am still desperately clucky for another baby, but I accept my DHs desire to stop.
Contraception ( I didn't try the mini pill but got an iud) really just stopped me beating myself up every 28 days. Overanalysing things and getting excited if I was a few hours late, then mourning the 'what could have been'. It's over 4 years since ds2 came into the world, that's how long it took to conceive ds1. Maybe we would have been lucky and conceived the super surprise baby. But probably not. But I'll never know. I do think about it all still.

I often feel fortunate to 'know' you ladies. This jumble of feelings would hardly make sense to anyone else.