Feeling guilty over preference for sex of the baby

[shellshell]

Hi everyone,

Well, I've finally got to posting on here.. hahaha.

Anyway, after all the experience of LT TTC and treatments etc., I have realised I desperately want a girl. Before all the hassles with fertility, I don't think I cared that much - I would have thought: I could have more and therefore I wouldn't mind how many of each sex I got. But since all this happened, and since I don't know if we will be able to have another, I am desperate that this one is a girl. But I feel like I should just be grateful for whatever I get, because it is an absolute miracle that we even conceived at all!

I know that I am not a superwoman. Ideally I wouldn't want to find out the sex before it was born. But I think I really need to, in case it is a boy, I want to get used to it, and I want to be able to feel like I can accept it being a boy etc. etc.

Anyway, just rambling... am wondering if anyone else feels that LT TTC and treatments affects the way they feel about the gender of the bub? I am so amazed at the strength of my feelings, honestly. I never realised I felt like this before!

Thx

PS Am 11 wks - after 2 and a half years ttc due to PCOS and severe male factor.

[{sarah}]

Hi Shell, sorry to hear you're feeling guilty about this, maybe join up to the gender disappointment threads? You'll see there are lots of women that feel the same way To join, go to user groups here & it's about halfway down the list.

[MantaRay]

Shell, as Sarah said, I don't think this is unusual. I really didn't mind first time, but second time I did want another boy. Luckily he was a boy so I didn't have to deal with gender disappointment, but now that it looks like we won't have anymore I'm starting to feel sad about not having a girl!

I do know what you mean about the guilt, I had trouble even admitting to myself that I had a preference, I certainly couldn't tell anyone else. Because that would make it real that I had a preference and that would make me feel guilty. But having said that, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. You'll love this child regardless of gender.

Sarah's suggestion of joining the gender disappointment group is a good one. I think you'll feel much better talking it over with other who feel the same way. Good luck with it all.

[shellshell]

Thx ladies.

I put my request in to join the gender disappointment group. I think that will be helpful, especially if this one is a boy and we are not able to have another.

Mel - yeah, I know I will love it regardless, but I suppose it is dealing with the added disappointment that infertility brings - even if you end up prg, you can't have children when you want to have them, you can't have as many as you want to have, you don't really feel like you can relax and enjoy pregnancy as easily because you are so afraid of loss etc. etc. It just feels like sadness after sadness, and a lot of re-adjusting to a different family than the one we hoped we would have - if that makes sense.

Thanks again.

[Rahjah]

Hi Shell,

I think you started this thread ages ago, but I just wanted to say - I feel totally the same way! After 3+ years ttc, I can't believe that I would care what gender this bub is! But I really think i will be surprised and disappointed if "she" is not a girl.

Your post has actually helped me name something I hadn't realised...the fear/possibility that this may well be our only child. I don't think I could go through another 3+ ttc years.

On that note, after suffering infertility, everything about pregnancy IS different to those who haven't been through this. The perspective is different, the questions are different, I think.

Hope you're going ok.