Hi everybody

A bit of background, it's a bit long so please bear with me. I have been TTC for about 15 years now; first with my ex-H and now with my husband to be. I have PCOS and Hypothyroidism. With my ex, we tried Clomid but it did not work for us and for various reasons we decided not to pursue TTC. With my HTB, last year we fell pregnant on our first round of Clomid but I miscarried at 8 weeks. That is how I found this forum, and I was very grateful for the support I found here. It was great to be able to speak to people who know exactly what you are going through.

We were building a house at the time so decided to leave off going to the Fertility Clinic until we had moved, which we did at the end of March this year. Since the miscarriage I have had regular periods every four weeks, very unusual for me, with cramps, which I never got before, so I was happy that my cycle seemed to be settling down. I went to a health retreat in NSW for a couple of weeks in May, and got my period just after I arrived back. We decided that on my next period, we would go back to the Clinic.

Thing is, I never did get my next period. Instead, I just found out that I am pregnant.

So I should be over the moon, right? Well, I am, but I also just can't help worrying. Not just that I might miscarry again, but I think that after so long TTC, I have convinced myself on some level that I am not able to have a baby, that it will never happen. The sensible side of me tries to convince the other side that it is not true, but after so many years of feeling 'not quite a woman', watching friend after friend after family member fall pregnant, while I did test after negative test, I am finding it really hard not to worry. I just went to the chemist and bought a test because I am afraid that when I go for my follow-up blood test it will be negative, and I wanted to check (it was positive).

So I feel like I am going a little bit crazy, and I really don't want to feel so negative. I am scared even that feeling negative will have an adverse affect on how things go. Can you see where I am going with this? Aaaarrggghhh, it's so hard!

I guess I am just hoping that these are normal feelings and that some long term TTC people who have gone through this will come along and reassure me?

Smegs x