Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[Shezabelle]

Hi everyone.. I'd like to join in too.. I so relate to not wanting to complain out loud about pg or parenting issues.
A little about me.. DH and I started trying in March 04, I came of the pill and then 1 AF in 6months later went to GP.. testing lead to diagnosis of PCOS.
Saw FS said " It will be teadious but we'll get there"
4 clomid cycles 3 IUI including one m/c @ 8weeks, and on to IVF it was, 1st cycle OHSS no transfer 1st FET only 1 emby survived thaw no luck 2nd fresh..my beautiful daughter Issy 14months old and I am excited to add I am pg with the only emby we had to freeze after her cycle.
I struggle most with people assuming this was a natural conception and making me feel like if only I'd given it more time!! I find I am very vocal about it being another IVF bub to avoid the insinuations(SP?)
Look forward to getting to know you all better

[sushee]

monnie,

I'm supposed to be studying so will have to come back to discuss in more detail but yes, oh yes absolutely re how LTTTC has impacted on our intimacy!

Will be back tomorrow to talk more about it but didn't want to lose that point of discussion!

[Danni]

yay at finding this thread!

Hey guys, remember me? I was aka Danni

Well I am finally a mother, and Mason is 10 months old!! Its crazy...

I am really struggling though and I am dealing with guilt every single day. I wanted this baby so badly, and now I am not coping very well. He is so demanding, won't play alone, won't sleep....etc, etc etc.

Yesterday i said to my doctor in the utmost despair, "If I had have known this is what it was going to be like, I would never have tried for a baby".
I can;t believe I actually said that out aloud, but what if its true?

I love my son more than life itself but it sure is damn hard!

[mako]

Monnie I completley understand where you are coming from about the intimacy side of our relationship too. I'm so pleased to know that it isn't just "me". I think that because we tried for so long to conceive it did really feel like it was a chore and even now it still has that feeling if you know what I mean. I really do try to be interested and I feel soooo bad when I just don't feel like doing the deed when poor dh has gone for what seems an eternity for him without it.On top of having a newborn to care for everyday and go to work a few days a week and try and keep up with the general runing of the household I'm completely exhausted and dh just doesn't seem to understand this.

I have to admit that once I became pregnant I lost all desire for sex.I know that some women just can't get enough and others don't want it at all.Poor dh lost out in a big way It was a huge shock to his system from when we were trying for a bub as we were at it ALL the time

Anyway I guess we will find a happy medium sometime soon I hope.

Danni I'm so pleased you found this thread.I remember when you were pregnant with Mason and when he was born.That time has just flown
Please don't feel bad about what you said to your dr.I have also had moments where I have felt exactly the same and it seems like no one understands hey??
I'm sure mums feel this way at some stage during the parenting journey whether it is in the first few months or years or as the kids are teenagers.

Hi to you all. Hope to chat soon

[sazzafrazz]

ooh oooh oooooh, just found the time to come in here! Yay, thanks BB ppl for starting this thread.

Jason, our bubs are the same age. It will be good to see the bloke side of things in here.

Wow, I cant believe the age of the babies in here. I remember a few of these names from other threads and it doesnt seem like that long ago but I guess it is. I feel that way about our own baby though.

About me: we were TTC for 10years and 1month when we got our first BFP. DH had undecended testes which werent operated on till he was about 7 so male factor infertility big time for us. We had 3 fully stimulated ICSI and 1 frozen natural cycle then took about 6years off to do the natural therapies. We then went back to ICSI and got pregnant on our first try again. I got hyperstimulation but not too bad. The pregnancy went fantastic but unfortunately we had to be induced at 10 days overdue. This resulted in an emergency caesarian 28hours later due to the babies heartbeat dropping to below 60bpm!!!. Lucky for us our gorgeous daughter, Celeste, was fine as soon as she was born.

I am still really traumatised about the birth. I feel a bit ripped off that what might be my only child was not a vaginal birth but mostly I struggle with the fact that we almost lost her after such a long struggle. The doctor and all the 10 other ppl in the delivery room were quite tense for a while there so I know the risk was real.

As for DTD... well after 10years TTC the romantic, spontaneous side of it is totally gone. Plus DH didnt want to do it at all while I was pg and as Celeste is only 5 weeks old tomorrow, we havent had a chance to find out yet how it will be actually doing it for fun!!! Might let you know in a few weeks/months time!

While TTC and while pregnant I felt like I was the only one who had tried for sooo long but reading some stories in here already I feel less alone which is great. Not for those of you who had to go through it too, of course, but for me I mean. lol.

Anyhow. I know that our TTC journey has affected how I feel about Celeste already and probably will for years to come. I have struggled with some breastfeeding problems and have felt quite overwhelmed at times, as all new parents do, but not really felt like I could complain about it. It is really like "well, this is what you wanted isnt it? get on with it then".

Oh, gotta go. My little blossom is waking. I am looking forward to getting to know a few more of you!!!
Sazz

[Willow]

"well, this is what you wanted isnt it? get on with it then".

Boy can I relate to this!!! I've really struggled with this since DS was born. We've had some sleeping issues (nothing off the charts, just normal baby stuff) but I have obsessed over it to the point of having panic attacks over it.

I had it in my head that after all the awful stuff that had happened, this time would be just perfect, all sunshine and rainbows. Imagine my surprise when reality set in and I began to see that my beautiful boy was just like any other baby - he didn't sleep like an angel 24/7 and yes, this was still going to be hard work!

As for the intimacy side of things, yes, I completely agree. Things aren't the same for us as they used to be. Like Mako though, being prg after a loss meant I wasn't prepared to DTD at all when prg until late in the third tri (I had a lot of bleeding in my first two prg and DTD would usually result in more bleeding so I figured it wasn't worth the trauma) and now being a tired mum to a baby and a toddler, it's kinda the last thing on my mind! DH is struggling with it a bit and I feel bad for him.

Danni - I just wanted to say that hun, you should NOT feel bad about the way you're feeling. I've read lots of your posts about Mason and his sleeping issues etc - I think you're doing a WONDERFUL job in the circumstances. You should give yourself some more credit!!

[Allie]

Hi Danni/Mabello - good to see you again! I can't believe your little one is 10 months old! Actually, I can't believe my own DD is almost 9 months old!!

The whole parenting thing IS hard - and so emotionally intense. Don't feel bad about how you feel sometimes - we all have tough days. And sleep deprivation can do crazy things to your head, and we've just got to keep on going, there's not much (if any) time to rest...

Hope things improve for you very soon.

[secochook]

Jason, our bubs are the same age. It will be good to see the bloke side of things in here.
Sazz

Hi Sazz

Well I guess no matter how bad you think that your own situation is you need to always remember that there are people who have had it worse. It would appear that the 7 years wating for Luisa to arrive is only a short time compared to you waiting for Celeste!

Anyway it doesn't make it easier adjusting to the new life. I am starting to struggle now with work as DD has had a few rough nights of getting to sleep. What ever worked in the past does not seem to work the next time so there has been some late nights trying to calm her. The poor thing is suffering from reflux.

Will have to soldier on I guess but I am still refusing to take up drinking coffee!

Cheers

Jason