Farmgirl, don't feel bad about how you feel and the fact that you are honest enough to express it. I think we all struggled with the transition to motherhood at first (and to be honest, there are still some days where I find it really hard). I can't type up a long response at the moment as I'm trying to get Sam to sleep (still needs to be wrapped and cuddled, but we do it cos it works), but I couldn't leave your post without replying, however briefly. I can really relate to how you're going... reminds me so much of how we were in the early days.
He's sleeping now - just. Trying to muster the motivation to move him to the cot and get myself some lunch.
With regards to the PND index test thingy - I scored quite highly as well, but my doctor decided I didn't have PND, but I was just under a LOT of stress with various different life events. I suspect that I did actually have a mild case of it, but as I was already medicated for an anxiety disorder, all they would have down would have been increase the dose of the medication I was already taking. I do feel a lot better now, life has calmed down and I found it helped a lot to keep talking to people and keep focussed on the fact that everything I was feeling and experiencing was normal and that women before me had felt it, and women after me would feel it too. I think it does become especially hard after a long wait - without even realising it, parenthood can become something magical and the reality doesn't often live up to the dreams. Whose dreams included a screaming, puking baby that never sleeps? Simply having been through IVF does increase the chances that you will develop PND, but at this point I'd just keep an eye on things and not panic too much about it yet.
Farmgirl. It is really tough to admit to ourselves (never mind others) that we don't feel that we're coping too well. Having other things going on as well can only make things that much worse.
It's a huge life change so give yourself time.
Some days I also counted hanging out washing as getting out...
As for achieving things, I felt the same in the early weeks, but I found over time as I saw DS grow and develop that everything I did with him - feed him, change him, whatever - was achieving something. Once I emerged from those first few months and found my feet a little I gained some perspective that really helped.
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