Greenslw: I agree... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh and did I say NO! This is your moment and you don't need any negative influences. Oh and as for the airfare ??? She has known you're pregnant for how long and hasn't bothered to start saving? I suggest you either call her or write her a letter, polite but still stating your point.
Try this on for size:
Dear MIL,
Thank you so very much for your offer of being present at the birth of our first child. As much as we appreciate it, we are going to have to decline. As you can understand it is our first this is a very special moment in our lives and we have decided to have just the two of us there. However you are more than welcome to come and visit once we are out of hospital and have settled in at home for a few days. As far the contribution to the airfare, I'm sure you can understand that having to drop from 2 wages to 1 wage has casued some slight temporary strain on our finances (not to mention the additional cost of having to set up a nursery, and medical expenses etc) so unfortunately we will be unable to pay for half of your ticket, however we will understand if you feel you need to take a little longer to save up before you come & visit.
And if she causes trouble with it, maybe DF is just going to have to see her in her true light, and see that in the biggest moment of your lives she in only thinking of herself.
Hey
Just decided to rejoin the belly belly world
After ttc for just under 2 yrs and one mc later, We fineally found ourselves pg in august, and Im now 17 weeks and counting
afm tho, everything is up in the air atm My mother has been on a downward slide for a few years now and I feel like I dont even know her anymore.. My husband is wonderfull to me and she has never payed him any respect. She suddenly became so vein and selfish about a year before I had my first.. Went and got plastic surgery, started wearing skimpy clothing and dateing these loser men.. acting like a teenager or something.. When I fell pregnant to our son she wanted nothing to do with me, then after having him she decided she wanted to be involved but would never babysit him even for 10 minutes. She would always ring and cancel visits to or from us because she was busy with some new guy. It drove me nuts. Recently she rang up my husband and abused him because I didnt drive down and run errands for her one morning at the last minute.. (when i was throwing up with morning sickness) So we're not talking anymore and havnt been for a couple months now.
Other then that we need a new place to live.. The one we're in now is terribly unsuitable for all of us (Me DH DS our furpuppy and the newbie in my belly) Theres no fence and being a highset there are lots of rotting stairs that lead to a scrubby sticks and stones yard with lots of dangerous drops and things, plus the inside is falling apart. So I havnt been able to get excited so much or set up a nursery yet because we are all sort of half packed up and up in the air waiting for our chance at a new start in a new place.
We've been looking for months and fineally found a place that would be perfect, but then 3 other groups of people applied for it! So even after months of looking we might not even get this place anyway and be stuck here even longer! I really hope we do because I feel like I really need a change for the better lately.. I get the call today sometime.. wish me luck
Just started feeling baby kicks a couple weeks ago which is a real help for me mentally. I just feel like I havnt had much of a chance after so long ttc to just relax and get excited about completing out little family! I want to be able to start thinking about these things and getting things set up.. thinking about the birth and what we're having (we're not finding out) names and just generally getting ready and happy about all of this..
So thats why i joined up here again, I figure If i share my story with others who know what its like and maybe get involved in whats going on with everyone else here then I can start to remember that i AM pregnant and things ARE going to get better
Something nice that happened yesterday - my DH is lovely I should state first, but he's not very good at visualising the whole baby thing, he thinks of it as really my project if we're honest it really is. He is really good with kids once they interact, like many men I guess, he's a bit afraid of breakable babies. Anyway, he's been very supportive through out this process but in quite practical and statistical way if you see what I mean.
Anyway, last night, we went to this strange BBQ with the new mother/ newly separated. The baby wanted to sleep on someone, and she obviously wanted to relax for once, so I took the baby and he slept on me for a long time. Then I decided it was too cold (and secretly I wanted to sleep too, but I didn't tell them that) so I went into the lounge and I lay down, and he slept on top of me. He must have come in to find me, I was sound asleep. This morning, DH kissed me on the nose and told me I looked beautiful with the baby.
LondonMiss glad all was the right size, I love the discription of a butterfly hope you enjoyed dinner. just read second post that is so beautiful.
Kryawolfe did you get the house? and thanks for all your kind words.
Smithy for a spew free day. and for you words
Airline great news on BT.
Murph thank you for your words, that's how I feel, I've even been questioning my mum at the birth the last few days for all those reasons about needing special time etc. My mum did say she'd clean my house for me before I go home and I'm really happy for that to happen. Hearing you talk about how it was for you makes me smile which I need today had a big hormanal cry last night, time to smile now.
ATM feeling much better today. Last night was a mess. DF is giving up smoking and is being an ASSS seriously a bear with a tooth ache etc. So when I phoned yesterday and we discussed MIL it was all good, I felt good and though few that's done and dusted WELL. DF decided to put in his own two bobs worth after saying I need to do what's right for me!
"March is ages away" I calmly explained that I wasn't comfortable that his relationship with her isn't always smooth and I'd be worring about that and not the baby. I also said that it would be so supportive to have someone around later on when all the visitors disapear etc. He didn't even take his eyes off the telly (mistake number one) so I asked if he was listening? well he snapped cracked it at me. I fell apart and cried for like two hours. Did I get a hug? no the only think I got was a very genuine (obviously he did take in my conversation) "you are right babe and if she isn't ok with that she doesn't have to come" well instead of being happy he saw the light I cried more. I mean why have an argument if you agree with me!
So lastnight he went to be and fell asleap and nothing has been said, He leaves at 5.30am and normally gives me a big cuddle and a kiss, well I only got two kisses on the forhead today. I couldn't go back to sleep so up I got.
I know my tears are hormonal and I know in the end it is up to me. But gease his timing for his own mood swings is awful, I feel like telling him to smoke! but I really want him to quit! good for him and the future, after all I am clubsy and I dont' need an oxygen lead all over the house. when I did age care I'd always step on them (not on purpose).
Anyways now I'm being silly. But I do feel like I've had a win, I am putting me and Squeak first.
oh green you poor chicky babe stress is just what you dont need hun i hope dh is better by this arvo and things all work out as for the smoking my dh does as well and omg i could not imagine him giving up eva he luves his smokes lol.dont cry hun its gonna work out
grnslw-=- sorry to hear you had a crappy night feeling out of sorts with DF. Its never fun to feel like your not on the same page, and your right the hormones certainly wouldnt be makeing things feel a whole lot better ..
at least he is agreeing with you in the long term and gave you kisses this morning.
I had a bit of a blow out last night myself. I was fine when I went to bed, other then my stretched feeling belly.. But at 12am our son woke up and started crying (usually we handle that really well, Also most of the time our lil boy is quite easy to settle )But every now and again it is really impossible to do the right thing.
Last night was one of those times, Hubby went in first to let me stay in bed and get some sleep, but of course i was awake (no mum can sleep when there baby is crying) and I heard hubby softly asking boo what was wrong but the crying just got louder, and he sat down and went to cuddle him and got smacked and screamed at and then mroe crying... everytime he did anything DS just got more stressed
So at this point I got up to help and walked into DS screaming and Hubby looking extremely stressed out and confused.. I figured maybe he just needed someone there to cuddle him or be there for when he was ready to calm down enough to talk so i sat down and said "ill take him" to hubby who being high strung took this as "you cant do it let me do it" and stormed out into the lounge room..
I sat with him and cuddled him but the screaming just continued nothing helped it just made him kick and yell and cry more
It gets really hard at times because no matter what we do it seems wrong.. So i asked him one more time after leaving the room a couple times hopeing that would calm him down (it didnt) if he needed to go toilet, and he finealy said ok, and took my hand but as soon as we got to the toilet it got more tricky
( sometimes he wants help to get his pants down and others he wants to do it himself, the safest bet is to usually give him a chance to do it himself) so i did, but he got upset and cried more, so i tried to help him and he screamed NOOO and sat down tantruming and wet himself..
it took us an hour of trying to get him to take his pants off but he just would not let us near him no matter how we approached him..(by this stage me and DH were bickering alot.. because we were both trying to handle it with our own ideas.. which would have just been makeing things worse, but again.. even b4 this started we couldnt do anything right.. it just wasnt our night lol.)
so there we were 1:30am with a 2 y o son on the floor of the toilet screaming with wet pants and not letting us near him.. after another 30 minutes we fineally got him dressed and Hubby got him back in bed because i was two straws off losing my mind with frustration.. So after that I just got dressed, said not a word to hubby or boo, stormed out of the house with the car keys ready to drive around the block.. Hubby stopped me and asked me if i could please sit on the verandah instead because i was in no way to drive.. So I did.. And surprised myself by all at once losing the anger and replacing it with wailing like a baby myself on our back verandah.. I never ended up loseing it at either of them but i certainly lost it with myself.. Theres nothing worse then feeling so useless you cant even read your own child..
hubby was so good.. he calmed down in the bedroom and fineally came out and wrapped his arms around me and we had a big talk about it all.. Me more blubbering out half recognisable sentences about "why cant I just know what to do with my own son?" etc etc But he made me feel alot better and i fineally calm down enough to realise that there was no way anyone was going to make him feel better until he was ready.. Hes 2 and he was tired and confused.. enuff said
I went in to his room after all this and said i was sorry to him in his sleep for not helping enough, and even in his sleep he said to me "ok mummy" without even opening his eyes :'(
just thought if anyone is feeling stressed it might help read this.. Because it always helps me to know im not the only one that gets overwhealmed with these things.. relationships, any kind, are hard and take alot of work. But with patience and time to let yourself cry when u need to, you can work out even the toughest of times..
Anyway, this morning all is forgotten and forgiven.. Me and hubby had big kisses and cuddles and DS is happily playing and danceing and being his sweet little self. And once again Im sitting by the phone waiting on the call that WILL get me this house LOL...
Hope to hear from you all soon - btw i WILL do more persies once i learn a lil more bout everyone else
Ky
Last edited by kyrawolfe; November 25th, 2009 at 10:47 AM.
wow kyra...what an exhausting, emotional night. you might want to nap today!! sometimes we need to go through the different cycles of emotion to get through whatever has been placed in our way. It all ended well, with DH and DS understanding you and you and DH understanding DS.
green - good for you girl, stick to your guns, and good for him trying.
afm - just popping in to say ironically yesterday I started feeling queasy on and off all day yesterday. same thing today...i've made sure i've eaten small and often (just the way i like it), i've drunk lots of water and even bought a ginger beer as doc. said yesterday it's good for nausea. I've not been sick, i just feel constantly 'queasy' - best way to describe. That's gotta be a good thing hey? I also did some research on normal hcg levels and no heartbeat, and there are a lot of stories online where people know they're 6/7 weeks and the sonographer says 5/6 weeks and no heartbeat, and then at the second scan all good. Not sure if there's been enough time between Mon and today but gonna ask FS for a transvaginal scan today. We're so united on desperately wanting this little splodge, we've bided our time...surely it's our turn.
??? She has known you're pregnant for how long and hasn't bothered to start saving? I suggest you either call her or write her a letter, polite but still stating your point.
My mother has been on a downward slide for a few years now and I feel like I dont even know her anymore.. My husband is wonderfull to me and she has never payed him any respect. She suddenly became so vein and selfish about a year before I had my first.. Went and got plastic surgery, started wearing skimpy clothing and dateing these loser men.. acting like a teenager or something.. When I fell pregnant to our son she wanted nothing to do with me, then after having him she decided she wanted to be involved but would never babysit him even for 10 minutes. She would always ring and cancel visits to or from us because she was busy with some new guy. It drove me nuts. Recently she rang up my husband and abused him because I didnt drive down and run errands for her one morning at the last minute.. (when i was throwing up with morning sickness) So we're not talking anymore and havnt been for a couple months now.
that is so beautiful.
for a spew free day. and 
for you words
when I did age care I'd always step on them (not on purpose).
oh green you poor chicky babe stress is just what you dont need hun i hope dh is better by this arvo and things all work out as for the smoking my dh does as well and omg i could not imagine him giving up eva 
he luves his smokes lol.dont cry hun its gonna work out
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