Pregnancy after Long Term TTC #6 - 2009

[kyrawolfe]

hey all

grnslw-=- sorry to hear you had a crappy night feeling out of sorts with DF. Its never fun to feel like your not on the same page, and your right the hormones certainly wouldnt be makeing things feel a whole lot better ..

at least he is agreeing with you in the long term and gave you kisses this morning.

I had a bit of a blow out last night myself. I was fine when I went to bed, other then my stretched feeling belly.. But at 12am our son woke up and started crying (usually we handle that really well, Also most of the time our lil boy is quite easy to settle )But every now and again it is really impossible to do the right thing.

Last night was one of those times, Hubby went in first to let me stay in bed and get some sleep, but of course i was awake (no mum can sleep when there baby is crying) and I heard hubby softly asking boo what was wrong but the crying just got louder, and he sat down and went to cuddle him and got smacked and screamed at and then mroe crying... everytime he did anything DS just got more stressed

So at this point I got up to help and walked into DS screaming and Hubby looking extremely stressed out and confused.. I figured maybe he just needed someone there to cuddle him or be there for when he was ready to calm down enough to talk so i sat down and said "ill take him" to hubby who being high strung took this as "you cant do it let me do it" and stormed out into the lounge room..
I sat with him and cuddled him but the screaming just continued nothing helped it just made him kick and yell and cry more

It gets really hard at times because no matter what we do it seems wrong.. So i asked him one more time after leaving the room a couple times hopeing that would calm him down (it didnt) if he needed to go toilet, and he finealy said ok, and took my hand but as soon as we got to the toilet it got more tricky

( sometimes he wants help to get his pants down and others he wants to do it himself, the safest bet is to usually give him a chance to do it himself) so i did, but he got upset and cried more, so i tried to help him and he screamed NOOO and sat down tantruming and wet himself..

it took us an hour of trying to get him to take his pants off but he just would not let us near him no matter how we approached him..(by this stage me and DH were bickering alot.. because we were both trying to handle it with our own ideas.. which would have just been makeing things worse, but again.. even b4 this started we couldnt do anything right.. it just wasnt our night lol.)

so there we were 1:30am with a 2 y o son on the floor of the toilet screaming with wet pants and not letting us near him.. after another 30 minutes we fineally got him dressed and Hubby got him back in bed because i was two straws off losing my mind with frustration.. So after that I just got dressed, said not a word to hubby or boo, stormed out of the house with the car keys ready to drive around the block.. Hubby stopped me and asked me if i could please sit on the verandah instead because i was in no way to drive.. So I did.. And surprised myself by all at once losing the anger and replacing it with wailing like a baby myself on our back verandah.. I never ended up loseing it at either of them but i certainly lost it with myself.. Theres nothing worse then feeling so useless you cant even read your own child..

hubby was so good.. he calmed down in the bedroom and fineally came out and wrapped his arms around me and we had a big talk about it all.. Me more blubbering out half recognisable sentences about "why cant I just know what to do with my own son?" etc etc But he made me feel alot better and i fineally calm down enough to realise that there was no way anyone was going to make him feel better until he was ready.. Hes 2 and he was tired and confused.. enuff said

I went in to his room after all this and said i was sorry to him in his sleep for not helping enough, and even in his sleep he said to me "ok mummy" without even opening his eyes :'(

just thought if anyone is feeling stressed it might help read this.. Because it always helps me to know im not the only one that gets overwhealmed with these things.. relationships, any kind, are hard and take alot of work. But with patience and time to let yourself cry when u need to, you can work out even the toughest of times..

Anyway, this morning all is forgotten and forgiven.. Me and hubby had big kisses and cuddles and DS is happily playing and danceing and being his sweet little self. And once again Im sitting by the phone waiting on the call that WILL get me this house LOL...

Hope to hear from you all soon - btw i WILL do more persies once i learn a lil more bout everyone else

Ky