Oh Possums, I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your precious baby . That is heartbreaking news, I was so hoping that those hcg results didn't indicate something wrong. Miscarriage is just an awful experience, and people often can't understand how deep the hurt goes.
My DH also reacted differently to me, and I thought he didn't care sometimes. But in later discussions we've had he told me that his heart was broken by it, and he had become very depressed. I think they just express things differently, and when their wives are devastated, sometimes they tend to go inside themselves and not show much on the outside.
I am so sorry, I wish there was something I could do to make this better for you. Life can be so unfair. I'm thinking of you hun.
Thanks so much everyone, for the support, words of advice. It helps knowing other husbands also deal with this things differently to their partners!
DH and I are both staying at my mum's this weekend...and to be honest, he's been more there for me this time. I think, as some of you have suggested, I have actually told him more what I need this time, which has certainly helped...and he's good now and listening and nodding and then giving me a hug ...without always trying to find a 'solution'...when there really isn't one. Plus my mum is a fantastic support.
BW- my DH said the same thing when I had the ectopic (and also one in my uterus)...it never felt quite real to him, because that time we didn't ever see a heartbeat at an early scan....we only had a scan once I realised there were problems...this time though, it has felt much more real to him, after two scans seeing that flickering heartbeat.
Devon- same with my DH....often in later discussions I realise how much he has cared been upset...but he just doesnt express it at the time. He has even expressed more grief, today than yesterday (possibly because I was an absolute mess all day yesterday).
We've also decided we might take a week off in November and just chill out by the beach or something.
I think one of the hardest things for me is feeling not only sorrow and loss, but anger and resentment at other women who have children easily, suffer no miscarriages/ectopic and certainly don't go through IVF etc. Our year has bounced from one of those things to the other and back again. I know being bitter and angry isn't healthy and I have to let it go...I guess with a bit more time I will find a calmer acceptance and just get on with it again. I seem to recall I went through this when I lost the babies and my natural fertility in one sudden swoop in March....and I did move forward again and the anger and resentment did fade as time went on...with only flare ups every now and then... I just also hope there is nothing wrong with me that has caused this.
On a more physical note, I have started brownish light bleeding today. I hope I do miscarry naturally in coming days and don't have to go through another curette. I'll be glad when my pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs etc) dissapear...they are a constant reminder of those loss. And I hate the feeling of carrying around something which has now died.
Sorry for this very long post! This is just a good outlet for me, and you are all so understanding.
Emma.
Oh Emma I do understand the resentment sweetie hang in there gald you are at your Mums My DH is another find a solution man and don't show emation but I know it hurts him inside always here if you need me
Possums - I just got back from my long weekend away. My heart is breaking. This is just so unfair. I really wish that I knew the right things to say, but I don't. So what I will say is that I am thinking of you, your DH and your beautiful little angel. I am sending you all my love and praying for you to get through this terrible time.
I too have a DH who likes to "fix" all my problems. They want to take your pain away from you, when what you really need is to feel that pain, as horrible as it is, in the safety of their arms.
You have every right to feel resentment about how difficult this journey is for you and how easy it is for other people. I think we have all felt that.
I am here should you need to talk. Take the time that you need to grieve and to heal. We are all here for you.
I go in for a curette in the morning.... then at least this part will be physically over. I dread returning to work and facing people...in fact I am having trouble dealing with the prospect of all that lies ahead. We will however resume IVF as soon as we can ( I think I'll need to wait till I have a natural period next month) because otherwise we are in limbo waiting anyway. So I am coping...just. Tears roll in and out at odd times.
Hope you are all doing OK. I'll keep checking in on you to see how your pregnancies are going, even though I will soon return to the LTTC thread.... hopefully I'll be back in here in a relatively short space of time. All we can do is hope for that really, even though sometimes it's hard to be positive at all.
Possums, sending you huge hun. I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, and that you now have to have a curette. I hope that tomorrow goes as smoothly as it can and that physically you are OK. I hope that you're able to take some time off work, and don't have to hide how you're feeling.
I wish you every success with returning to IVF as soon as you can, and hope to see you back in here really soon.
I just also hope there is nothing wrong with me that has caused this.
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