Possums, sending you huge hun. I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, and that you now have to have a curette. I hope that tomorrow goes as smoothly as it can and that physically you are OK. I hope that you're able to take some time off work, and don't have to hide how you're feeling.
I wish you every success with returning to IVF as soon as you can, and hope to see you back in here really soon.
Thanks, home resting now, curette is done thankfully.
It sounds like, due to Christmas looming and having to wait until my body has a natural period, that we won't be able to resume IVF until Jan 09. I know it gives time to recover, but to be honest it feels like ages away to me, life is a limbo waiting...and so many things have gone on hold throughout 2008 already, and the same will now happen into next year. Emotionally, physically and financially it is a huge strain....and makes it hard for life to feel normal because it revolves around this. Part of me would like to start immediately...so that while there is pain and loss now, at least we are already working towards hope for the future....but looks like that start will now be more than 2 months away.
If anyone has any words of wisdom from having been in the same head space I am right now and coming out the other side...let me know
Possums - i have had to have long delays in treatment because of clinic timing (being regional) - and as hard as it was at the time, to be honest, NOT focussing on TTC for a while is actually really good for your head space long term. i've found that the first couple of weeks are just painful - you're grieving, and wanting to move forward. then you realise that you're doing ok, you're dealing with the pain, and you're enjoying life a little more each day. over Christmas, you can relax. you can focus on being with DH, your extended family (if that is what you want) and just being YOU - not the you that is TTC, the YOU that you were before you started all of this. right now, it's not what you want - nothing about this is what you want. but giving yourself time to emotionally heal is well worth the time. allow you and DH to BE you and DH - not just two people going through IVF
FWIW - i got AF after stim cycle 10 days before Christmas last year, and couldnt go through FET until the very end of Feb so i had to deal with the pain over Christmas. it was still raw, we were approaching and EDD, and it hurt like hell for a while - but when it came to me starting the next cycle in Feb, i was in a much better head space - i'd been able to deal with all the crap i was carrying, and went into the next cycle with a positive outlook about what would be. i went into the next cycle refreshed and ready to embrace the embies we put back as new life, not replacements for our lost angels. as you know, we didn't have sticky success until very recently, but being forced to wait at least four weeks between every cycle was a positive thing for me to heal emotionally. i guess not carrying "fresh" grief into each cycle helped me to be a more positive person. coming off two early miscarriages going into the last cycle, i NEEDED that time to heal - and now i'm glad i was able to deal with that pain first....
BG- thanks for taking the time to share and explain all that to me...it does make sense, and I realise, once I have moved past this raw stage I will also feel the benefits. I think it's the feeling so totally out of control all the time I find hardest (and I am a control freak!...a totally driven type of person....and boy, has the TTC/pregnancy losses experience being teaching me lessons!!).
What you said about the embies being new life, rather than replacing lost angels struck a chord with me. Looking back, after the ectopic etc in March, we were forced to have a break before starting IVF, due to me recovering after the tube removal etc...so I had forced recovery/grieving time then too..and by the time IVF came around we were ready to go (even though back then I also wished we could have started immediately!).
To be honest, at the moment I don't now how to be the old Me, and experience the old DH and I together....I seem to have lost things things and become defined by this....maybe I need to work on reconnecting with those things, like you say. I have also had to stop doing some competitive sport during this year, due to the cycles etc...which I have really missed...so in little, as well as all the obvious ways, it's had a huge impact on the way I have been living my life.
I know this isnt probably the right thread to be doing all this venting in! I also know many of you have journeyed for much longer than me to reach your pregnancies... I guess I am just raw right now....so thanks for reading and supporting....
Possums, after my first miscarriage in July last year, my FS sent me to see a psychologist and enforced a break. I didn't get back into things October...
It was painful having to take a break, but in hindsight it was desperately needed. I hated my FS at the time, but I did realise that he was doing the right thing by me in doing what he did... Might have been nice if he'd been a bit more gentle about things, though.
It sounds very much like a break to reconnect with yourself and DH would be very much in order - try to embrace it as a period of healing and personal growth rather than seeing it as a delay in IVF treatment.
And you can't compare pain. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this, but don't try to minimise things by saying other people have been through worse or longer. You need to accept your own pain, and if you try to push it aside, it will come back to bite you later.
Hi girls
Sorry been MIA been abit busy.
Possums: Everything you are feeling and going through is perfectly normal. Yes men deal so differently, i went through this with DH when i had the ectopic and it wasnt till weeks later and i was upset and hed had a few drinks that he shared his true feelings with me he talked of plans for weddings and the future, things i hadnt even gone into. They just want you and everything to be OK and its not.
As for the inforced break it was this time last year after the ectopic they wouldnt let me go again till after the new year, i was so bitter and resentful, i just wanted to jump back in and it felt like the clinic who had backed me all the way had deserted me when i needed them the most. In hindsight (oh isnt it a wonderful thing) it was the best thing, i needed to clear my head, clear my body of all the drugs and pregnancy hormones and re connect and realise that there is more to life than TTC, i relaxed over chiristmas, had a few drinks and oysters and was raring to go in the new year. Im not saying its easy now because it really is so hard ! Possums this probably is just the right thread for you we know exactly how you are feeling and truly sending you a heartfelt hugs and thoughts! Take care.
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hun. I am so sorry that you're having to go through this, and that you now have to have a curette. I hope that tomorrow goes as smoothly as it can and that physically you are OK. I hope that you're able to take some time off work, and don't have to hide how you're feeling.
Yup, speaking from sad experience there.
that he shared his true feelings with me he talked of plans for weddings and the future, things i hadnt even gone into. They just want you and everything to be OK and its not.
and was raring to go in the new year. Im not saying its easy now because it really is so hard ! Possums this probably is just the right thread for you we know exactly how you are feeling and truly sending you a heartfelt hugs and thoughts! Take care.
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