Hi there everyone,
I just wanted to share this stuff I'm going through, and feeling really guilty and concerned about. I actually kind of posted in relation to this elsewhere (on the sticky "Why am I not happy") but I guess I'm a broken record.
Ok, here goes. I am 9 weeks (3 days) pregnant, having had a really bad scare (which some of you might have read about) and got some good news that things are ok. So that was Thursday. I was so thrilled, and relieved and started to feel a glimmer of hope for the first time since I found out I was pregnant (I've also had spotting, weeks 4, 5, 6 and 7, on and off, now off for nearly 2 weeks). So things haven't been easy.
Which is perhaps part of the reason why I'm finding it hard to cope with what I keep judging as these "petty" feelings of resentment and envy towards others. My bro, who is 4 years younger, just announced that his wife is pregnant, due 1 week before me (they tried ... ooh ... um ... once or twice, have been married just under 6 months). My DH's SIL also just announced (her second, timed precisely 2 years after her first, never a problem). And another good friend just announced (due a week after me, again no problems conceiving).
I know that envy is just a useless emotion which consumes so much energy, and I'd really like to be happy for me and my DH (though I'm scared of being too happy, you know, in case it's bad luck).
I really feel trapped by this bitterness and envy. I know that resisting unpleasant emotions can worsen them. But I'd also just like to say .... WTF?!! 3 pregnancy announcements, all due at the same time, all coinciding with us. Grrr.....
The thing is, deep down, I'm still so scared to be pregnant and scared to lose it. And somehow these "normal" women getting pregnant makes me feel like it's more likely I will have a loss. I know that's irrational, but that's the thought process.
Any strategies for feeling better? Anyone felt this way too?
WW