Why do I STILL feel this way????

[MummaSue]

AArrrggghhh!

i still can't get rid of the stabbing jealousy that grabs me when I find out about people I know falling pregnant easily.

A friend back home just feel pregnant in her FIRST MONTH! Dude, seriously????

But why do I still feel that horrible envy bubble up in me, I have my gorgeous DD!!! I thought that the LTTTC feelings would subside but they haven't.

It amazes me that people fall pregnant naturally anyway, after having done IVF and seeing what an exact science it is. It truly blows my mind that people fall pregnant without assistance. Weird hey?

AARRGGGHH, just needed to get that out.

[Maruschke]

You know what blows me? Accidental pregnancies while on contraception. Seriously, knowing how hard it is to fall pregnant when trying... I just... head wall. Your feelings are totally normal, you have been down a life altering path and it doesn't go away when we have kids.

[CrazyLady]

You know what blows me? Accidental pregnancies while on contraception. Seriously, knowing how hard it is to fall pregnant when trying... I just... head wall. Your feelings are totally normal, you have been down a life altering path and it doesn't go away when we have kids.

Utterly! And then some of them have that attitude of "well I guess we'll HAVE to keep it" Or saying something like we're keeping it and tone implies that it's a massive burden. People don't realise what a vlessing it would be to some people if they could just "fall pregnant" (how the **** do you "fall" pregnant anyway? Did you trip and the doodle was just there?)

I think a bit of jealousy is normal MammaSue! GL with TTC too

[MummaSue]

Thanks everyone

[Ahurani]

Ergh I know what you mean

My friend was PG twice when I was ttc. Its like she just had to look at him and she was PG. I still think it isnt fair

[lise]

Yep, everything everyone else said!! If one more person tells me it will probably 'just happen' now I've had one baby I'm going to scream. I don't know what gives anyone the right to say such a thing when they don't even know what the problem is

So definitely not alone MummaSue, every one of us LTTTCer's is with you on this one xx

[Persephone1]

Oh yeah, I'm still there. I got a text from a good friend today announcing her pregnancy. My first feeling was resentment, and then I reminded myself that she's actually a LTTTC girl, so my final response was "YAAYYYY!!!" But the baggage of LTTTC is pervasive and I think long term. I don't think it ever goes away, so don't beat yourself up for feeling it.

To help me deal with it, I remind myself that everyone has their own battles - whilst they may have conceived easily, they have other challenges facing them which I may not know about. It would also be nice if they really appreciated the pain of LTTTC, but that's not likely to happen until they've walked in our shoes.

[~Hestia~]

[MummaSue]

Thanks guys.

I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF. And whilst that is a lovely romantic notion, it's unlikely to happen as my fallopian tubes are so blocked they might as well not be there.

Good to know I'm not alone xxxx

[Persephone1]

I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF.

Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things." The same people think I should "just relax and it'll happen." Grrrr.

[Maruschke]

Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things." The same people think I should "just relax and it'll happen." Grrrr.

Ah... those same people who tell you to go on a holiday and you will probably come back pregnant? Ugh

[luna moth]

Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things." The same people think I should "just relax and it'll happen." Grrrr.

I hear that ALL THE TIME! Drives me crazy, and I'm not even a LTTTCer. Arrrghh! It's because you never hear the stories of people it *didn't* happen to, because, well, that's not a story, that's just what happens.

I'm not really in the same crowd, but we did have a bit of a journey to get here, and I also struggle with pregnancy announcements sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but very often I do.

[butterfly_warrior]

Thanks guys.

I think what is annoying me too is that people keep telling me that I'll probably fall pregnant naturally now that I've done IVF. And whilst that is a lovely romantic notion, it's unlikely to happen as my fallopian tubes are so blocked they might as well not be there.

Good to know I'm not alone xxxx

You're definitely not alone. Two years on and it still hurts. Probably because the state of my health means that more children isn't going to be an option.

I also get really mad about the "you'll probably fall naturally now" comments. It does completely invalidate what you've been through. People tell me that my body knows what to do now that I've carried and birthed one child. Hmmm... don't think that has any influence on DH's mutant sperm or the fact that I needed three different drugs to sustain a pregnancy (and am now only taking one of them) and the fact that my arthritis is so bad that I have to take medications that are so scary in pregnancy (category X) that even knowing about the infertility issues that both me and DH have, both my OB and my rheumy insisted that I go on the pill. Yeah, it will happen naturally now. Sure.

Don't mean to take over with my own vent, but you are most definitely not alone!

BW

[MummaSue]

Don't mean to take over with my own vent, but you are most definitely not alone!

BW

You're not taking over at all hun, kind of why I started the thread in the first place - I KNOW that you girls know what I'm on about!

[dusty]

AArrrggghhh!

It truly blows my mind that people fall pregnant without assistance. Weird hey?

:yeahthat: not weird at all IMO.

I feel the same way when I hear some people's news too. My sister announced her pg 2 months after we got our BFP and I felt the same hot rage of unfairness before I even knew what I was thinking. I was shocked, this was my sister, her news didn't affect my pg but I still reacted the same old way even though I was so happy for her, I still felt angry that they just tried and it happened.

I hope you can give yourself a break on how you feel. I think its a trained reaction from years of disappointment, it doesn't just vanish overnight. I think it will ease over time for me but I have to say I think I will always be amazed to hear of people falling pg naturally. I have 4 very close couple friends going through AC ATM. I kind of paved the way for them and they see DD as a sign of hope, but I'm just so sad they as now experiencing what we have. I feel for them every time someone announced their pg news.

xx

ETA

Oh I know! It's so frustrating. Everyone has a story of "someone I know went through IVF then fell pregnant naturally" so therefore they think that will happen to me. It invalidates the experience and suggests that the previous LTTTC journey was "just one of those things." The same people think I should "just relax and it'll happen." Grrrr.

I hear that ALL THE TIME! Drives me crazy, and I'm not even a LTTTCer. Arrrghh! It's because you never hear the stories of people it *didn't* happen to, because, well, that's not a story, that's just what happens.

:yeahthat: x 2!

I think people just only want to hear good news and think good things. Facing up to hard realities like failure to conceive is just so taboo in our society. No one wants to talk about it or acknowledge that it can and does happen, and that sometimes for example you fall pg easily the first time and spend years with secondary infertility. Its a reality for too many.

BW I really feel for you. Having to explain or even defend something so personal in the face of people thinking it is all so easy is so painful .

I've started telling people we are not having a number 2 and that DD will be an only child. Their first reaction is normally, oh no don't you want to give her a sibling/ don't you have frozen embryos/ or I'm sure it will happen naturally now that you have been pg with DD (& they know I used donor eggs!). I'm honest to the point of bluntness now, 'No I feel I'm too old now/ I want to move on forwards with my life/ I can't go through it all again/ We are happy and incredibly lucky and grateful to have DD and as a family its healthier for us to be a family of 3/ I'm plan to go on birth control as soon as I need to...etc etc'

[saph204]

I hear you all, We are in the situation that we are finished having babies and have our 2 beautiful boys. I physically cant have another pregnancy and emotionaly are done, but I still feel the stabbing jealousy of other peoples pregnancies, and the fact that my BF keeps telling me that I am going to fall preg naturally and have a girl even though DH is getting the snip, gives me the *****.

I really think that it is natural for us LTTTCers to have these feelings and we are here to support each other through the tough times.