It does make sense and I don't know the answer and I'm sorry for that. I know the times I fell pg (apart from the last time) I felt distant b/c I was scared of another m/c. I did try to embrace my last pg - I bought a soft toy for the baby and told our DD I was having a baby, but we had another m/c :-( I really don't know how I will be if we are lucky enough to fall pg again but I suspect given the torment I have been through, I'll be guarded and distant. I think what you are doing is a coping and defence mechanisim & there is nothing wrong with that. To go through such hard times ttc it is only natural to want to protect yourself and your family if things go wrong. I hope that you are blessed with a sticky bubs. xx