I'm glad I'm not the only one that finds it all so hard. I've only just started embracing this pregnancy in the last fortnight really. I can feel the baby moving frequently now and I feel good about it. I still feel anxious but excited too. It's like I've just found out I'm pregnant all of a sudden. i guess I can feel like that now (ie be blissfully (well almost) naive) because my experiences allow me to be. I have had one early loss. I'd imagine for those with recurrent losses and those who lose babies later their experiences dictate a different path.

I found that even though after the NT scan "we" were telling people, it was DH doing the telling not me. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago that I could actually say the words "I am pregnant". I could talk about pregnancy and babies but it would be in the context of "when we have a baby" or "when we are parents". As in not the present. I felt bad too. It was like the pregnancy was temporary or hypothetical. I guess you do what you need to do to survive.

I'm still sad that while I'm halfway through a healthy pregnancy and that brings me joy, I should be almost 38 weeks pregnant with my angel and preparing for their arrival. I know though that that would mean that this baby that is inside me now wouldn't be here. And I feel bad. But still sad for my angel. It's a catch 22 really.

I am sorry you're having a tough time and hope it gets easier for you. Im sure it will, just dont beat yourself up. you need to do whatever you need to do to get through this. Your body is nurturing your baby, it's made for the job. Hang tight there darl, you'll find a way to make it.


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