Have posted most of my saga in the other thread but to update....
Finally pg on an IVF cycle ... my 6th pregnancy but so far only one "live" DS.
Started bleeding heavily at 5.5wks over a weekend. Headed into my IVF clinic on the Mon and prompty started bleeding with agnosing pain whilst there. Had a scan straight away which showed twin pg with 2 healthy HBs and babies measuring to dates.
Bleeding had settled although pain was still constant.
last Fri at 6w3d had a quick scan with my FS... all still ok. 2 HBs etc
MS has been shocking and I was just starting to think if I could get through this week, maybe things would be ok. How wrong was I!!
Woke up yesterday feeling really ill as usual but no pain and no bleeding. 6w6d.
Was out with mother's group when I went to toilet to discover bleeding quite heavily again. NO pain this time which had strangely,actually been a really bad thing in my most recent previous m/c. Managed to exit the get together rapidly without saying to much ( no one knows i am pg).
Got home and started bleeding PROFUSELY... as in passing clots the size of my hand.
This is EXACTLY how it happened last m/c when things ok after initial bleeding but went pear shaped a week later.
Managed to get a scan yesterday afternoon and was almost beside myself not really wanting to see what was going on.
As it turns out, one baby still alive with HB 136bpm but measuring couple of days behind. Other baby's sac bit collapsed and they couldn't actually find the foetal pole... most likely gone. However, the bleeding wasn't near this baby, it was just behind the "good" one over my cervix.
So now I am in a horrible limbo. fairly sure I have to grieve over the baby that has probably died but not able to feel any relief really at all about the other one. its measuring small which hasn't been a good sign at all in one of my other pgs.... just died a few days later, plus, it seems to be the one with the bleeding issues.
I am just so totally unable to cope with all this atm. I can barely think or function. I just don't want to get up and face this for even one more day... its killing me!
NO one has answers as to why this keeps happening and I have now pretty much exhausted all the possible treatment options. I am on prednisolone this pg... doesn't seem to have made any difference. Was on the clexane but that has to stop cos of the bleeding.
I've been doing acupuncture for yrs
Have flown to sydney to see THE specialist... what else is there?
I am asking myself "how long can I keep this up?" but the alternative of nno more children would just about destroy me. I also don't know if my marriage can hold out through this.... my DH is totally over the constant misery in our lives. I don't blame him but again, no more children would mean a lifetime of misery for me.
Even if by some miracle, the remaining baby fights on, I don't know how to deal with the loss of his/her twin. I don't think I can handle the "at least you still got one" comments which already came out of the sonographers mouth. She just totally dismissed the other baby despite me telling her over and over that it was defnitely there with good HB only 3 days earlier.
Now I am rambling,,, sorry,, just have NO ONE to turn to IRL. The support just dries up after you've had a few m/cs.. like I should somehow get "used" to it.
I have done the whole counselling thing before as well but ultimately, it doesn't get me what i want... another baby ( or 2!)