Pregnancy after Miscarriage or Loss ~ January 2011 #2

[Melster]

sorry about the lack of personals.....

im so stressed im crying. i have had a huge fight with hubby today.... and whats happened its too much to talk about......i have had to go to mums.....the baby i think has been going crazy and i have never felt that before and im really worried. do u think i should i should go to the hospital. how much can stress effect the baby....im trying to stay as calm as possible but its not working


ferrals......its such a complex situation.......the money wasnt workers comp but a car accident....we had insurance and he got paid wages but we had to pay all that money back and were paid for two years and she still got full child support then....then he went on disabilty for two yrs and still paid child support. for three years the two kids lived with us and she had two and we got settlement while they were with us........the confusing part is our cheque went everwhere first like centerlink. insurance. lawyers and to csa............so if she was intitled why didnt they take it then........thats what i dont understand.........he doesnt do tax returns because he is on disabilty and they stopped paying him for a year anyways..........................and she owes us money through csa....so what happens to that......she is the one who was running her own buisness and not declaring it and not doing her tax returns.....so what happens there........hows that fair...................she only got those kids back to get money and this is a year later.....she doesnt care what there doing....she isnt even looking after them........i hope someone is watching over us.....although after tonight im not even sure whats going to happen between us...............ill probably put half in my account and hell do something with his..........its not fair when she wouldnt spend a cent on the kids anyways..probably kick them out after it..hows that fair....when she has been done for child abuse..she buys them nothing and leaves them in ratyy old holey clothes...we buy them everything.....she is doing the dodgy and were being punished.....

[ferrals5]

Melster-firstly bub will be fine a few the girls here who went through my whole ordeal with me of genetic testing cvs's and cvs samples being dropped then amnio's and the extreme stress of waiting and waiting for the 1-4 chance that i wouldnt be bringing my girl home and finally the results knew the stress i was under for 5 months of my pregnancy and little miss is fine bubs cope well so dont let your stress make you worry more.

2nd if the compo was paid in leau of wages then yes it was income and the csa calculate that in child support but as you said before we got our check it went everywhere lawyers centrelink medicare ect before us so csa should have no reason to claim any more from it.
And with her oweing you money ask the csa if your DH child support he pays to her can be reduced to pay off her outstanding debt.
My DH only pays 70% of his child support to his ex because we have proven she was over paid in 2006 we just need to go to court and sort out the debt they cant wipe from the system because his ex refuses to aggree.
And if your DH is still on disablity payments that it is similar to unemployment and the csa can only take the minimum amout so from what you have told me i would definately ring the social securtily appeals tribunal if you cant resolve the problem and they are a 3rd party so dont take sides and go over everything and settle it in court at no cost to you dont give up fight for your rights.

[forshelby]

Here are my persies, as promised. Sorry I didn't go back further, but I'm cutting into naptime here. Hehehehe.

Possum - Ikwym about the unidentifiable cravings! Frustrating!! Thank goodness those have passed, now I know what I want but I have to avoid it because of my stupid GD. LOL, catch 22 there! Good to hear you've got some solid symptoms though, as annoying as they can be they're also so comforting. Almost 12 weeks already, YAY!

Sunshine - Hooray for Obed and his first BM That is fantastic news. I hope you're enjoying your kangaroo cuddles, and that he gets to go home soon. I hope the icy weather over there eases off so you don't have to worry about falling over. I would be worried about that, too!

Kmm - How far along are you now? Get yourself a ticker, girlie I agree though, the symptoms are icky, but then when they go you start to worry. *sigh*

Alish - No googling here, I promise I heard that if your vitamins make you feel sick, try taking them at night after dinner, right before bed. I do that anyway, just because it's convenient and easy to remember as I used to take my BCP before bed, so it just replaced that routine.

Murraycod - If you're lurking in here, YAY! Can't wait to read your BA, hun.

Tegam - I thought so too, but just the.. glueyness of it made me a bit uneasy. I haven't noticed anymore so that's a good thing. I'd say you're right, it's just hormonal and I'm paying too much attention to the toilet paper. LOL. How's miss Molly going?? (By the way, this is my darling kitty cat's name, and we also call her Miss Molly. Sometimes she likes it when we sing 'good golly miss molly' to her, hahaha)

Mildez - It's still there on and off but it just feels like it's from carrying all this weight. If I'm too active or bending over cleaning floors etc it's worse, so I'm just keeping an eye on it. Thanks for checking up on me. I can't imagine the strain of having to work so late in your pg.... you're such a superwoman being able to do so.

Ferrals - Looks like we're both normal then hehehe. I can't say I enjoy the feeling of it either, it's kind of..... yuck. LOL. I will keep an eye out for this pink jelly glob though hehehe. Oh the joys of pg!

Melster - What a complex situation! I have a headache just trying to read and comprehend what's going on. I'm sorry about the fight with your DH too. PM me if you need to vent at all. Try not to stress about stressing... if that makes sense. Bubby will be ok.

Dory - Aww, thank you so much for offering to come down and celebrate with me (You too, Tegam) but I think I'd be too shy lol. Plus I feel just a teeny bit like a loser for having everyone I know reject me..... I think it's just best if I forget the whole thing and count myself lucky I know they suck NOW, not when I need them for support. Thanks though, I know you'll all be with me in spirit at my imaginary party, lol.

AFM - Finally got our air-con installed in the house today, it's HEAVEN. I feel like I can actually get things done now, except that I need a nap lol. I have another dr's appt tomorrow, and enjoyed a trip to the 'vampires' office today to have more blood drawn. So over BT's..... this one hurt and I felt sooky afterwards. My GD is under control, every time I take my blood sugar it's within normal range, even when I'm naughty and have something I'm not meant to. I've only had 2 elevated readings, and they were after eating out so no surprises there. I must be looking huge these days as wherever I go people stare at my belly. Some point and others say things thinking I can't hear. (Not nasty things, just random comments like 'ooh look!') It's a bit off-putting. I don't know where to look or what to do, lol. I try to avoid eye contact and act natural, but I know my belly attracts a lot of attention. I am yet to see someone as heavily pg as me though out and about........... could it be I am the pregnantest on the Gold coast? LOL. Or am I the only one stupid enough to still be out running errands. Anyway, I ramble.. NAP TIME! Bellyrubs to all.

[damprye]

Just stopped in to check out how everyone is going. Not stopping to do perssies but I am reading all your posts

[dory]

Melster - hey - hope you're ok at your mums. Sorry you and DH had a fight. My obs ( who I trust implicitly) says that stress and worry won't harm bubs.... but just affect your mojo. So at least that's one worry off your shoulders huh?

Forshelby - no way are you opting out now.... it's locked in.... I sooooooo want to come down and celebrate this little miracle baby in style.... it's weird, I used to be too shy too and it is a bit out of my comfort zone to do something like this ( my inner thoughts are saying.. be ware of crazy internet imposter stalkers) but why not throw caution to the wind? I so want to hang out with you on the Goldie in our flip flops and see the beauty of your "ginormous bump" of the pregnant-est woman on the Goldie. Besides, as I've often said before we are cosmic twins. BTW - I look nothing like my avvy.....Purrrrrleaseeee can we? purrrrrleaseeee? Is begging a bad look? I am going to PM you now.....

Damprye - is that a new avvy? hey look at you 10 weeks! Congrats. Hope you guys are ok in the heat and not affected by the bushfires.

Murraycod - yay not long now til Little Cod is swimming their way into the real world.... I can't wait. It's been a long journey huh?

S&S -Dee - joey cuddles all the way from Aus for you little man Obed.

I need to go and sleep too. Sorry again for not too many persies. Thinking of you and your passengers ( just for proper attributions I borrowed that phrase from Audax- hello sweetie if you're still following - enjoy those newborn cuddles)

[sunshine and stars]

Hi everyone-- I SO NEED THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW, SO BEAR WITH ME!!! THANKS for all you messages of positive support for Obie and our family.

Melster: having a fight with DH totally sucks. I hate when that happens with my DH and me. But don't worry 'cause I really don't think that it affects bub-- my DH and I rarely fight at all-- we tend to get "silent" with each other when it happens...walk out of the room until we can be more sane with each other...
You and bub will be just fine, promise! But it is probably a good thing that you are at your mum's; I pray that it will totally give you some breathing space...

Dory- thanks for the joey cuddles...both my hubby and I got to hold Obed yesterday at the hospital (we took turns) and little Obie lifted his head to reposition himself when I was holding him-- another purposeful movement and he had strength to lift his head, neck and all, which is a great little sign of improvement...

Ferrals-- I just wanted to say that I can't wait until I hear about your birth announcement and about the beautiful child that you are having...

Forshelby-- Let those people gawk at your wonderful belly and tell yourself that you are a very lucky lady to have a bub that gets so much attention!!! That is one thing that surprised me-- I no sooner got used to "being pregnant" when the pregnancy ended. So enjoy those stares and even the comments-- you've "earned" them (in a good way!!!)

Damprye-- I'm watching your ticker and you're almost out of the 1st trimester-- woo-hoo! Sending congrats...and good wishes!

to everyone I missed-- I am trying to read everyone's stories and to rejoice in everyone's small steps towards that precious 40 week mark.

About Obie-- he's got an EEG today which measures brain activity. His last one was "normal" so we are hoping that there are good results again today. I can't bear the sight of seeing him "hooked up" so we are going to visit this afternoon, after the docs/nurses have done their thing this morning. We hope for a good day. Little Obie might be done with the jaundice thing today-- which would be great-- because then he won't have to wear a special mask over his little eyes and he won't be under a special blue lamp anymore. But whatever he needs, we understand. I'll keep you all posted.

He's got long fingers and long toes (LOL) and he'd make a good piano player...

[alish]

forshelby - thanks im going to try that today.. although i was soo sick when i got home from work yesty arvo, i couldnt quite spew but i spent 10 mins in the toilet trying haha, i dont get why im getting it at 9 weeks when ive been fairly good leading up to this i hope everything is ok.
i cant wait to have a huge belly!! except my MIL is a touchy feely person, she will rub it and i will feel uncomfortable haha

s&s - how good is that - little obie being able to hold his head up.. that would have made my day, glad he is making progress, do you know when he will be able to go home yet?

melster - sorry you an dh have had a fight, and that his ex is being a dog, i couldnt imagine how you are feeling but i hope you feel better soon

afm - all good, sorry for everyone ive missed

[ferrals5]

Sunshine&stars-So good to hear obie is doing well i cant wait to hear when you get to take him home.

Forshelby-sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo jealous of your air con and good to hear your GD is under control does having to eat better and avoid all the yummy snaks help with the preggo weight gain?
And your belly attracts stares i am still getting the comments OH! YOUR SO TINY i cant believe you dont have long to go.
But i feel huge and uncomfortable compared to my 3 boys pregnancies i think she will be bigger than her brothers.

Melster-Hope everything settles down soon i know what you are going through these ex's and child support and all the sh#t they put on us is really stressful when you are trying to move on with life and start your own family i know my DH ex p#sses me off and i have to put my foot down from time to time like at the moment she wants to give DH his weekend access on the alternate weekend to what the court papers say and we said no so she now wont bring his DD over at all and i said to DH bad luck i am not changing my life around to suit her so we wont have his DD at all until his ex gets sick of not having a break or we go back to court and she gets in trouble for not bringing DD for her court appointed weekends i will not allow her to dictate our lives that is why we have court papers.

AFM-Not much to report 33 weeks tomorrow 36 days until my c section everything is great for someone who has total placenta previa grade 4 and told not to lift,work,get stressed,be left alone or travel more than 30 min from the nearest hospital and i will bleed a number of times and end up in hospital i have had no problems i am still doing everything normal and working the only thing we have changed is sex we fool around just no rough stuff lol.

[Mildez]

Stars and Sunshine sounds like little Obie is jumping those hurdles to the finish line when you can bring him home. FX for excellent results today from his scan.

Ferrals our sex life has changed a little also due to those horrid veins I have. I swear DTD makes them 10times worse but my desire is 10times greater then it is normally lol. Poor DH not sure if his sick of it yet. He says his cashing in for when his on a dry spell after bub is born. Makes me laugh thinking about it. 33weeks is fantastic.

Sorry for the lack of personals. I'm freaking out right now and heading to the hossy soon. Bub is not moving despite my best efforts to wake her up. I've had a poke an hour ago and thats it. She did have an active period 5pm yesterday but overnight nothing. I know I'm probably worried about nothing but I just want to get checked out and her movements have been a worry for the past month.

Melster I too hope everything gets sorted with the CS and your hubby.

Forshelby woohoo on the aircon. It does sound like Heaven.

[Melster]

Hey ladies..

Thankyou.

Im too embarrased and shocked to say what Hubby did. I dont know why i try and protect him and dont want people to think bad of him...

If you knew the whole story about the ex, hubby and kids you'll probably wonder why i have stayed with him and why we had children. I have been with him for seven years and it has been nothing but major stress and heart ache and upheval with this woman. Seriously i jump at a phone call because it is always something..something to do with her and her life, or the kids. She is always getting arrested and effecting other peoples lives, going to court, not looking after the children properly. Abandoning them, Trying to cause our lives havoc and its probably has set of what happened Sunday because of all the stress hubby is under. It no way is it an excuse.... but she always finds ways to effect us when her life is going bad. I cant handle the constant drama its more than one woman can take...and its making me extremely stressed and unhappy and i do worry about what this unhappiness is doing to the baby and my poor DD. They dont deserve this because of his family and ex.......its not fair...Seriously she is not a normal woman and its not just a situation if a new family hating an ex family...this woman has serious serious issues...there is never any peace with her..and hubby seems to always jump and run to fix everything....but because im sane and look after my children properly he thinks its ok..i can look after things...but NO I NEED HIM ALSO...

That money was our security for the next few years. To know i could raise my children and have time off work and to not struggle as bad as we have in the past because of her, so my kid would not miss out....especially when soon enough hubby will have to start paying full child support and yet she can get away with no paying us nothing. and it makes me so angry because seriously she doesnt deserve a cent of this money..not a dime..

Anyways i may not even have to worry if hubby and i cant work things out. Im at mums but the problem is my DD becomes very upset and unsettled and just cant understand whats going on and im having trouble making hubby leave our home. I just want time to think things through properly and see if i can forgive him and see if i can actually put up with this constant drama for the next 5-10 years till the kids grow up......

My ob said you have to be under a fair amount of stress to effect a baby....but when it all happened....i could feel all the blood pumping around and my heart beating and it unsettled the baby completely and it was very strange and hard to explain...and it wasfor hours..it was just scary and im just worried.

Sorry about the ramble im just at a loss...sorry bout the lack of personals..ill get back on later..

[Mildez]

Melster it all sucks doesn't it? I'm on the opposite end and I too HATE CS. I don't know anyone who actually finds them useful. I recently received a large sum of money from ex though CS (9yrs of arrears and I got paid 1/3rd of it at once) anyway it might seem good for me to get this large sum but all it meant was I am now not entitled to a cent of family tax benefit which I was replying on to pay some bills before I can return to work. So baiscally my ex thinks he is now supporting me and my family when in actually fact he pays my family tax benefit so his paying the govenment and DD doesn't benefit. I'm so pee's of. Its been an ongoing battle with them not able to get him to pay for 9yrs and then finally he does and I'm no better of anyway. Then whats even worse is he didn't see DD for almost 8yrs and no one cares and his still entitled to DD x asmount of time despite me having proof he only returned to reduce his payments and then threatening me and her if I didn't drop the money he would cause us hell. I'm so over the lot of it. They don't give to hoots about the kids in my opinion. I'm not trying to deny him access to her but she doesn't want to go 90% of the time and all they can say is they have to give him the benefit of the doubt after his 9yrs away and on the run from CS. All I can be grateful about I guess is he turned up when DD was 10 and not alot younger. Mediation has done nothing so we are now of to court. Which is another thing I can't afford.

Anyway my bub started moving so thats a relief. Still not as much as I'd like but I guess its in the normal range.

[Melster]

Mildez.........I know..i dont think it matters which side of the fence you're on with CS. I just dont understand how they work. My hubby has always supported his kids and he has always paid child support and we have no debt with them. He always has always paid for there sports, outings, clothes, shoes, games, everything. Seriously everything they need comes from him. Yet there under her care yet she never ever provides anything for them (she didnt even enrol one of them in school because she apparently couldnt afford it...CAN U BELIEVE THAT) so when they are crying about holes in there shoes or things they etc hubby has to buy them. So hows that fair?

This woman is a peace of work. Get this when she abandoned her other kids from a pervious marriage she owes cs 50'000.00!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I seriously question my hubbies sanity when he was with this woman and had these kids....and while we had two kids and she had two she didnt declaire her buisness and didnt do her tax for years......so tell me how is that fair...why arent they attacking her and getting money of her for us.......

Im serioulsy so so confused.

Im glad you're bub is moving


Ferrals...33 weeks...wow....not long now and you'll holding you're darling..

alish..thanks

Sunshine....thanks..yeah hubby is more the silent type and turns his back. Im more of the sit here and talk to me and deal with it. So its very frustrating...and this one was more than just a fight..Hope you're Obie is being a little fighter!!!!!

Dory..my ob said that he has had a patience husband pass away and the baby was alright...i just worry thats all..poor bubby doesnt deserve the stress

Forshelby...dont worry its so complex and confusing for me...I got the belly stair's the while time my last pregnancy. People always commenting. Asking if i am having twins and if i was due in a couple weeks and i was only six months...so annoying

[ferrals5]

CHILD FREAKING SUPPORT ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!! DONT GET ME STARTED.

Melster-I will say this from experience dont stay in an unhappy marriage just for the kids it is not good for them and believe it or not they sense what is going on.
I stayed with my ex for far to long thinking the whole for better or worse thing i made my bed now i must lie in it and it wasnt until i could see my boys walking around on egg shells around us and always staying in their rooms and my eldest developed a nervous habbit that i said enough my kids need and deserve better than this they need to have a happy home and they need to see a normal parent relationship they had never seen my ex and i show each other affections or love it was always arguments and bickering and fighting.
Now my boys are happy and they see two parents in love and constantly kissing and cuddling and thats what they need a loving stable home that they feel safe in so they can grow up and know what is normal.
If you still love each other go have some councilling so a 3rd party can help your DH needs to put your relationship 1st and if you are only staying for the kids and security just think what the consequences will be when your kids are older.
Sorry if i sound harsh but i made a mistake i dont want to see others make the same one.

Mildez-good to hear bub is moving my rat bag wont stop like i said she is a disco queen and my ribs are paying for it but i love it.

[Melster]

CS.....i hated them last time..and havent had to deal with them in a while..and now its just stirred me up again!!!!

Ferrals..i know exactly what you're saying its not harsh. Its not just for the kids, but i am running out of reasons to stay and fight. Thats why i want time and space and to not just rush back due to our circumstances. I have messaged him and asked him to nicely to leave, as its easier for him and i dont want DD being out of sorts from staying at mums and i need some time alone. I'll see what his response is. He does need to put us first....i am in no mood to speak to him at the moment..i just need time to think.

[Mildez]

Melstar thats what happened to me with my ex not putting his tax in (he did 8years ago and I got the whole $200 of it) he then didn't put it in for years or since then to ensure I didn't get it so eventually when he was made to (about 6years of not doing it I get a huge amount which now means I get nothing for family tax benefit which I elect to get annually and was counting on it to stay at home longer and the amount I got from ex is only about the same FTB would have been anyway) I can't believe there allowed to do that. Fair enough a proportion but the hole amount. They said if I was lucky I might get $50 a fortnight but definately not until this bub is born and probably not until the end of financial year. Anyway enough about sucky CS I hope you work out something with your hubby and you that is in the best interested of you and your babies. What a load of stress you just dont need.

[dory]

Melster - hugs sweetie - you are doing the right thing to take some time to gather yourself and your thoughts.

Ferrals - yay 36 days... that will fly....hopefully not too many bleeds cause even though you're expecting them it will be be scary.

Mildez - glad you got some movements.... are you still going up to the hossy anyway?

Sunshine - GO OBIE!!!!! He moved his head - that is just sooooo awesome. He's such a strong little man. I can't imagine what it's like to see him all hooked up for his EEG - I think you're doing the right thing by avoiding something that's upsetting. There's too much going on for you now, it's so easy to be overwhelmed, so I am proud of you for protecting yourselves. Glad DH got a cuddle. SO SO glad the last EEG was normal. FX for this one.... I bet his little hands and fingers are impossibly small and oh so cute!

I know this is a little random, but I was 9 weeks premature in the early 1970's and I am robust and healthy without long term health consequences. If I can do it Obie certainly can. So keep the faith in your little man.

Forshelby - did I scare you off or do you have the A/C so cold that your computer stopped working?

Anyway, got to go, being summoned.

[Tegam]

Dory - Aww, thank you so much for offering to come down and celebrate with me (You too, Tegam) but I think I'd be too shy lol. Plus I feel just a teeny bit like a loser for having everyone I know reject me..... I think it's just best if I forget the whole thing and count myself lucky I know they suck NOW, not when I need them for support. Thanks though, I know you'll all be with me in spirit at my imaginary party, lol.
.

Just doesnt sound like Dory and I like that idea too much, sorry but i think that we have to CELEBRATE such a wonderful lady and that perfect BUMP! Does Dory have your mobile number?

Dory i totally agree with the stalker freak out internet stuff but i think if so many people can find someone to marry on the net then surely i can find some friends??

S&S Sounds like things are going well, i agree that you do need to protect yourself against the small things so you can be stronger in the long run! Im glad that DH was able to have a hold and bond with Obie! Love the name and the meaning behind why you chose it! Goodness know why god chose you to have this journey but please know we are all here for the long haul!

Mel: Wow so much going on for you. Thinking of you heaps!

Damprye: Hello! Im that same at the moment, i only get a few minute at the computer at a time to by the time i have read everything i have to go, then by the time i get back there is a whole new lot of replys! Hope you are well!

Alish: how are you going?

Ferrals: 33weeks tomorrow! You are doing so well! So 36days until you can get back into the rough stuff

Mildez: thanks for the visual about your veins!

Dory: Ill text you re Miss Forshelby!

Ok i think im caught up!

AFM: Tomorrow its been a year since my ectopic surgery, to be honest im not ok Millions of emotions running around and i always knew not dealing with it at the time would bit me in the butt eventually. I have so much to be thankful for that its not really fair to feel this way. Thank goodness i have Molly-Rose, i just gaze at her! Sorry for the downer, hehe i didnt mean it! Didnt even realise i was going to say anything in here.... Anyway bellyrubs to all you lovely ladies!

[dory]

TegamM - wow - did you notice how I added to your name? hehehe.

sweetie - tomorrow is a really big day for you.... I am so glad you said something. Don't feel guilty for those thoughts and feelings ..... it's ok to feel completely crappy and joyful and thankful, and hard done by all at the same time, or in quick succession. Just because you're sad about your angels and what is quite major surgery both physically and emotionally, doesn't mean you're not thankful for any of your little ones. It just means you have feelings about those events and they are separate to your feelings for Molly, but at the same time all interconnected?

I don't know how others manage it, but I can never ask myself the "what if" questions.... if I do it does my head in.... cause it would go something like this... if I had never had my first miscarriage I would never have nutured and birthed Amelia, truly the most amazing and wonderous experience ever, if Amelia hadn't died I wouldn't have had the pure joy of being pregnant with twins and the sheer terror at the prospect of parenting twins. If Nicholas and or Sophie hadn't died then I wouldn't have been able to hold Nicholas and bring him home, the only one of my angels who has come home nor be a zena warrior princess and birthed Sophie drug free nor had the 7 day DTD marathon that resulted in Hannah's pregnancy, and I wouldn't have had Hannah's 40 weeks of pregnancy and I wouldn't have Hannah, who is simply a treasure. So in reality how can I ask the "what if" question... I will never know the answers and to be honest, I don't want to know them because it means choosing between feelings and experiences I can't possibly choose between. All of which have helped mould me into the person I am now... and to be honest I think I like me now a lot better than the version before my TTC journey.

Your precious Molly is so worth it, but it doesn't mean the feelings you have for your ectopic angel and your other angel are any less valid. Just don't beat yourself up with the what if's tis all.

I agree why not find some friends who have had similar experiences and share an understanding of grief? Besides nothing ventured nothing gained... see the brave new me?

Think I scared Forshelby away....